OCEANS.

did i tell you about the time last week when all of my kids were puking?

and there was so much puke that i described it to people as oceans of puke?

things we learned 

during "oceans of puke":

1. max has great luck with tiled floor. thank you max.

2. brennan pukes like a walking zombie that's puking. he means well. it just turns out bad{ly}.

3. puking babies are by far worse than any other form of puking human. 

b/c they're quiet people, except when they're not. 

and you don't know they're puking 

b/c you're holding the garbage can lid open for your 5 yr old who's currently puking,

so he can puke into the garbage can 

b/c the puke bowls are all being washed in the dishwasher 

and really, it just seems efficient for him to puke into the garbage can at this point in the process,

and then right at that minute the baby comes around the corner puking,

and you're thinking

"baby puking! baby puking! get him onto the floor!"

you know, b/c there's carpet everywhere.

a house of carpet.

almost.

and so you're holding the garbage open with one foot and reaching out for the baby with an arm,

and you feel like you've got things under control,

and your husband is coming through with his one man hazmat crew,

and then you go around the corner and you see it.

oceans of puke.

from the baby that was walking around looking for you.

puking everywhere he walked while he was looking for you.

oceans of puke guys.

OCEANS.

and so you get on the horn right away and schedule the carpet cleaner to come the next morning.

and they are there bright and early,

b/c they are awesome like that.

and they remember the time they came for the purple berry smoothie that max spilled all over the carpet in your bedroom when chase was 3 weeks old.

like i said, they're awesome like that.

and then they clean your recliner chair,

and tell you it was worse than last time,

but not the worst they've seen,

and you take that as a compliment.

and then he cleans the sap off of the love seat for free.

because you know,

the guys at action extraction are awesome like that.

OCEANS.

OCEANS.

almost christmas eve {a cookie photo gallery--no pants}

matching aprons.

flour.

rolling pin.

cookie cutters.

reese's peanut butter cups. 

{santa's favorite on cookies fyi}

paintbrushes.

m&m's.

christmas sprinkles.

frosting.

sugar cookie dough.

gingerbread spatula.

christmas candy corn.

NO PANTS REQUIRED:) 

it must be almost christmas eve.

i repeat: TOTALLY.

we found frosting 

in all sorts of places. 

premade gingerbread house 

TOTALLY worth the extra $5 bucks.

i repeat: totally.

if you want your kids to stop touching the tree...

if you want your kids to stop touching your tree,

put a train around it:)

do you know why?

are you ready?

.

.

.

.

.

.

b/c then they will just touch the train.

genius i know.

works like a charm every year.

and after chase almost toppled the tree down on top of himself for the third time in one day,

we decided it was time.

so instead of knocking the tree down on top of himself,

he is now knocking the train off of its track about a million times a day.

sooooo worth it.

ya win some, ya loose some.

just depends on what you're aiming to win i guess.

ALSO...

something to note:

when you don't put up your tree train  up until 10 days before christmas,

it's just about right.

b/c the thrill of it never gets old,

and the magic takes you right up to Christmas's front door.

and two hours later,

they'll still be going strong.

or he.

whichever.

who needs decorations when you've got a train and a tree?

exactly:)

dodged the bullet this time

it appears that max is the kind of kid that will deny the facts.

even when there's no denying it.

...

me: max, did you cut your hair with the scissors?

max: nope.

me: max, who cut your hair with the scissors?

max: i don't know. {shoulder shrug with hand gestures and lip fold.}

me: max, brennan's at school and chase is still asleep.

max: it was me, sorry mommy! {head to the side, big huge smile}

...

yeah, so the scissors were banished to the bin of bottomless pit for awhile.

and really, we cheated fate on this one 

b/c she just added some good old fashioned layering that worked.

lucky dog.

dodged the bullet this time.

this time.

as those are my favorite kinds of santa photos

 2 kids still afraid of santa.

thank goodness!

cause no one like a boring santa photo.

1 of 2 warmed up by the end.

and i had to bribe brennan with 3 stickers for his sticker chart to wear a church shirt for the picture.

i'm still holding out hope that miss kim's photographer 

got one of them all looking at the camera at the same time.

{finger's crossed!}

preferably one with chase bawling his eyes out.

as those are my favorite kinds of santa photos.

i should have up'ed the ante and fought for the vest too.

rats!

...

P.S.

my favorite story of the entire day 

was a week later when brennan finally wrote santa a letter and told him about how he was sad

that mrs. claus broke her arm when she fell on some ice.

then he looked up and told me "so you have to be careful with her,

like you can't grab her arm or sit on her,

b/c i saw her, and this santa and mrs. claus 'are the real deal.' "

{note mrs. claus's poor arm covered in white fur. she really did fall the night before. 

man, i hope rudolph took the speed bumps extra slow on the way home.}

and now we wait.

10 days without a cell phone or computer.

let's take it from the top...

december 12th, 7pm-ish: 

my purse was stolen from inside the church 

WHILE we were performing:)

yes, said INSIDE the church.

awesome.

2 purses to be exact.

mine and susie's.

my wallet was spared.

inside my car.

but that's another story altogether.

phone gone.

car keys gone.

car there.

phew.

december 13th, 3:40am: 

crooks charge and turn on my stolen phone.

find my iphone app tells me where.

officer goes over.

sean goes over.

no telephono found.

{i'm still convinced it was inside that storage locker they wouldn't open.}

later that morning...

{7:30am or something}

try to turn on my computer.

negative.

try again.

no again.

give it an hour.

surely it just needs an hour.

this is what i was saying to myself.

because even i need an hour to wake up sometimes.

ok, almost all of the time.

turn on again.

double no again.

a big fat NO again.

and what does that spell in the right bold year of twenty-thirteen you say?

DISCONNECTED.

completely and utterly disconnected.

so as sean went off to work,

i jotted down phone numbers of my mothers,

linsey,

susie,

and julie

in case of emergency.

and then i spent my day driving around the salt lake valley to and from kindergarten and pre-school pickup without a cell phone by my side.

and do you know what it was like?

it was like

freedom:)

quiet

calm

freedom.

no phone calls.

no text messages.

no social media to pass the time waiting for kids to come out of school.

and so i spent the next week and a half reevaluating 

how one little tiny cell phone could have such a profound effect on everything i do.

and how when it's gone, it literally changed everything i did.

in a really comforting way.

like a good ol' days kind of way.

like a chasing fire flies out in the humid summer nights of ottumwa, iowa kind of way.

how does one little piece of technology being gone make you feel like you are alone?

but in a good way.

a quiet way.

a calm way.

a way that made me less irritable.

more patient.

less in a rush.

more excited to play with my kids.

talk to people on the phone.

do you know?

like the kind of way that the world used to be.

when we called people on their home phones from our homes,

when we were all home.

and only checked our email once at the end of the day.

or once every three days.

and it was just the best feeling.

to remember.

and have a technology vacation.

welp,

i'm here to say that despite public opinion,

and what i once thought myself,

i went without a cell phone for 7 days,

and without a computer for 10 days,

and i

did

NOT

DIE.

i know,

amazing.

i didn't know it was possible either.

as i myself have uttered these words my,

"i couldn't survive without my cell phone."

but i did.

and it was actually kind of great.

great

great

great

and it forced me to disconnect in this amazing way that made me reconnect.

do you know what i mean?

not to the internet or a phone.

but to other things,

like playing ponies,

and reading books to my kids,

singing bedtime songs,

cleaning up the house,

all without having something else that i wanted to check on my phone after i was done,

and reading books during the day to myself.

and watching a movie,

like my full attention on the movie

for

the

entire

movie.

great

great

great

and what has this 10 day phone and computer free spree taught me you ask?

boundaries.

it's taught me about boundaries.

who knew i'd learn to love boundaries?