letters to Beth {puke, bee sting, and other highlights from my day}

dear beth,

this is the story of my last 36 hours....or something.

events will occur in real time.

{did you ever watch 24? jack is back. two more days. yowza!}

friday morning 

max pukes.

pineapple and water.

all over my bathroom floor.

like i was half asleep and she

was drinking my water on my bedside table after eating pineapple downstairs,

and i have yet to open my eyes at this point because i am still in the land of pretty much asleep.

i know she's talking to me, 

but i wear earplugs, 

so mostly i just said "awesome, love ya, mmmm-hmmmm, 5 more minutes ok?"

as i heard the faint voice decibels of max. 

but then she dry heaved.

and i was all, "smaller sips hun, so you don't puke".

{because she has the gag reflex that makes her puke 

when she takes big bites or big drinks.

it's a thing.

an annoying thing.

but still, it's a thing.}

max dry heaves again.

i open one eye.

max dry heaves with a lurch.

i open both eyes.

max runs to bathroom, pukes once on my bathroom floor.

i sit up.

max pukes three times on my bathroom floor.

i run to hold her hair and pat her back while she pukes a bunch more.

pineapple.

and water.

all over my bathroom floor.

good thing, cause i'd been meaning to mop. for awhile.

poor girl.

fever.

more fever.

short nap.

fever.

pepperoni, sausage, onion, bell pepper, 

i was out of olives, stuffed crust, new pizza sauce pizza i made for dinner.

and as i went to bed i thought about how glad i was that she only puked once,

and man it felt good to have the worst behind us.

famous last words:)

saturday middle 

of the night morning: 

12:15am-max wakes up crying.

1:06am-max wakes up crying.

2:23am-max wakes up crying.

wants a drink.

needs some bread.

can she have a popsicle?

3:35am-max wakes up crying.

4am-max still crying.

i give her benedryl.

and i think "that's too bad, cause now she won't wake up in time for soccer."

{first game got rained out, 2nd game we completely forgot to go, 

and the third game was today AND picture day . i was really making an effort to go.}

i was wrong. i was sooo wrong.

6:45am-max wakes up crying. 

how on earth is this even possible? that's what i was thinking.

i coax her into my bed.

she sleep talks every 5 minutes, but falls asleep.

7:23am-brennan wakes up for the first time.

i tell him he can have any car he wants when he turns 16 if he lets us sleep some more.

or i give him my phone.

whichever.

8:35-max wakes up crying.

we go downstairs for breakfast.

saturday morning:

9:15am-I GET STUNG BY A BEE FLIPPING PANCAKES.

i kid you not.

it crawled up brennan's sleeve.

i lifted his sleeve up,

it flew out.

it went after him again.

so i went after the bee with a kleenex, 

even though i knew that what i needed was a paper towel.

not a good day to be fresh out of paper towels.

the bee won.

i lost.

my right 4th finger lost to be exact.

it still hurts 12 hours later.

i slapped some baking soda and water on my sting.

which did NOTHING to help the pain.

i had no idea how much bee stings hurt.

it may have been a wasp.

it was big, yellow and black, and hairy.

like a yellow jacket on steroids.

does that make it a wasp?

so then of course i hear chase chirping at me from his bed.

and i wander up there with my now pulsing 4th finger covered in baking soda hand,

where i find him dancing and spinning in circles in his crib,

with the drapes torn down from the rod for the third day in a row.

we don't go to soccer.

we don't go to soccer pictures.

OH FOR 3 HERE with max and soccer.

O-FOR-3.

it's only 10:13am.

max stays home with sean while i go to watch brennan play his 2 hours of soccer.

i go to lunch and frozen yogurt with him after.

it makes me realize how fun it is to be with him alone.

best conversation in town.

just like his dad.

we run 3 errands.

i come home.

sean leaves for stake conference meetings.

i sit down with a still sick max,

and chase wakes up.

early.

and i can't figure out why he's up so early.

and then i find him.

i find him in a crib filled with poo.

CRIB FILLED WITH POO.

POOP!

EVERYWHERE!!!

E

V

E

R

Y

W

H

E

R

E

everything into the washing machine.

baby into the tub.

two more kids come running into tub.

i start wondering if all people's lives are this chaotic,

or if it's just mine?

max now appears to have pink eye.

i decide to wait to reevaluate that one tomorrow.

brennan poops in his pants.

and i start singing,

"the sun'll come out tomorrow,

bet your bottom dollar that

TOOOOOMMMOOOORRRROOOWWWW

THEY'LL BE SUUUUUNNNN!!!!"

and then i take pictures of poop everywhere and babies in baths,

and text it all to sean to read and enjoy during his stake leadership training meeting.

and it makes me laugh.

like it genuinely makes me laugh,

and helps me get through this amazing crazy hilarious life that i get to live with all of these tiny humans that i love so very VERY much.

seriously though, the chaos sometimes is just so much that it's hilariously funny.

the boys watched a movie,

i braided max's hair,

and the kids ate kraft macaroni and cheese for dinner.

read two chapters out of roald dahl's the witches on the ends of their beds,

and kissed them goodnight while sean mowed the backyard.

and then when he came in with the mail,

i declared your mom a prophet!

right then and there.

before i even opened the box.

because the woman just has a sense about things of this nature.

and always knows just the right day to schedule the most amazing 

wonderful thing to appear OUT OF THIN AIR

RIGHT when i need it:)

and i knew that only one tall 3-D rectangularly wrapped box from trader joe's could be.

chocolate covered peppermint joe-joe's.

HERE!

today!

in may:)

after 36 hours of

puke,

no sleep,

crying,

fever,

poop,

bee sting,

more fevers,

more poop,

and did i mention chase got out of the shower,

squatted, and peed on the carpet like he was camping at a KOA?

that kind of day.

that kind of 2 days.

see what i mean?

sight seer:)

PALM READING PSYCHIC.

in the most flattering kind of prophesying non-apostate kind of way!

and then all of sudden everything was fixed.

and the day was great.

and i laughed about what a great story my last 36 hours was going to make.

all thanks to a box of chocolate covered peppermint joe-joe's 

with a return P.O. BOX address from Quincy, Californ-I-A.

{would you look at that belly button? the best. THE BEST!}

what happened in your last 2 days?

i hope this letter finds you and yours well WELL well!

tomorrow's gonna be a new day.

i can just feel it:)

love,

emiline

also, you forget about piano lessons and sunscreen {it's may guys}

MAY.

where you wanna forget about all responsibility to get your kids in bed on time for school

because you just wanna get on with summer.

also, you forget about piano lessons.

and sunscreen.

and max's first soccer game.

we completely forgot about max's first soccer game.

we're gonna be better next week.

i promise.

TGIF!!!!!

the pizza dough i can't stop thinking about.

INGREDIENTS:

1tbls yeast

2 cups warm water

2tbls sugar

5 cups flour

1tbls salt

1tbls dried oregano

1tbls dried basil

1tbls dried thyme {i was out of this}

3tbls olive oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. warm water, sugar, and yeast in bowl--let sit until yeast rises on top of water.

2. flour, olive oil, salt and other spices in bowl.

3. poor water/sugar/yeast mixture into olive oil and dry ingredient bowl--mix with kitchen aid and dough hook for 5 min. or knead on counter until it feels elastic.

4. let rise, covered for 1 hour.

5. LISTEN CLOSELY, THIS PART IS NEW!!! 

#1: roll out your dough, 

and put it on your pam sprayed air back pan 

{go buy one, it's worth it},

#2: then stuff your crust

#3: butter your crust

#4: garlic salt your crust

#5: THEN BEFORE you put your sauce, cheese, and toppings on, BAKE YOUR CRUST FOR 10 MINUTES at 435*.

#6: take out of oven, add sauce, cheese and toppings,

and put back in oven for another 8-10 minutes until the cheese and crust start to brown. Sometimes i have to put it on low broil for the last 5 minutes of this.

GUYS!!! this is the secret to having a pizza parlor crust:

BAKE BEFORE YOU ADD YOUR SAUCE, 

CHEESE, & TOPPINGS.

it's changed my pizza liiiiiiife.

also this pizza sauce recipe that jen gave me,

which i doubled and used paste instead of sauce for because i was out of sauce IS basically everything i've ever been searching for in a pizza sauce:

jEN'S PIZZA SAUCE

12  oz. tomato paste mixed with about 1/2 cup water

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon oregano (or Italian seasoning)

i kid you not.

thick, moist, and amazing when you make one pizza with it.

two pizzas will make the dough more thin and flaky--

i can't stop thinking about it.

make it.

friday.

or tonight.

whichever:)

i feel like i should say AMEN.

because this is the holy of holies in pizza making.

now go and do the things which emily hath commanded.

makenzie maxine pushed brennan out of the window.

do you see this rosebush?

look closer. 

in

the

middle.

how about now?

can you see it? 

how did it happen you ask?

well, let me tell you.

makenzie maxine pushed brennan out of the front window.

yep. ya read it right.

remember how i don't have screens?

and how much i love not having screens,

but have always secretly worried about someone falling out into the rose bushes.

because there aren't any screens.

well, now i wish i had screens.

because when max wanted to sit in the window,

and brennan was already in the window,

she pushed him out of the window,

and

then he landed

IN

the

rosebush.

i was trying to cook meatballs at the stove,

and i could tell they were on the edge of erupting.

at each other's throats all day.

5:30pm.

ya know the time of day.

and then i heard this scuffle,

and muffled cry coming from brennan.

like max was punching him from underneath a pillow or something.

but i could tell she was really hurting him because it was the saddest most helpless cry,

and i remember thinking, "come on brennan, just push her with your pinky and she'll fly across the room and away from you."

except not really, but you know what i mean.

he's bigger than her!

but she's always beating him up.

and so i went around the corner of the kitchen to tell mean old max to let him up,

and there i saw him.

standing in the grass whimpering.

choking out the words that max

pushed him out of the window.

and into the rose bush.

so of course i did the complete rational and in control thing.

wait no.

i yelled in pure panic for sean to

"GET IN HERE!!!!!"

ran out the front door in a furry of "i have zero control over these kids in my life,"

and told max she was in "BIG TROUBLE"

and was going "STRAIGHT TO TIME OUT" for the REST of the night.

of course my neighbors were in their yards and probably saw fire spurting from my eyes,

and my hair standing straight up on my head all disheveled from the lunatic which i was.

i carried poor brennan inside.

he was shaking.

shaking and crying,

screaming that he was stinging all over.

bleeding on his neck,

knees,

arms,

tummy,

back,

scrapes and bloody pricks EVERYWHERE.

everywhere!

and then he yelled out "his leg HIS LEG his LEEEEEEG!!!!"

and when we pulled up his right pant leg there we saw the most GIANT rosebush thorn 

you had ever seen, poking into his leg with blood streaming down his leg.

i yanked that thorn out,

sean slapped a ninja turtle band aid on it,

and i combed his body for the other 43 thorns we pulled off of him.

actually, it was just that one giant one,

but there were 43 scrapes and pokes from the ones the rose bush kept.

we cuddled him on the couch, put max at the bottom of the stairs in the big room for 45 minutes,

and tried to take some deep breaths instead of giving our second child away to the authorities.

of course i spent the rest of the night feeling like i was the worst mother in the world,

who has still not accomplished teaching her 4 yr old how to use her words instead of pushing,

hitting,

biting,

scratching.

i really don't think she knew he was going to fall INTO the rosebush.

but i just can't figure out how to get her to stop being so aggressive when things don't go her way.

and then when sean and i were going to bed we laughed in agony for our poor poor brennan,

and the look he had on his face standing there in the grass 

after he had pulled himself out of the thorny rose bush.

and then we talked about how we are gonna have to put some extra time and attention into her so she doesn't end up in Joo-vee by age 12 and stuff like that.

and then i fell asleep reading the sister of the traveling pants because it's always the book that makes me reconnect with the insecure teenager that lives deep down inside of me.

and on bad days,

sometimes it's just nice to go and be in that place.

away from all of this grownup stuff that's hard.

#it'salwaysmax.

#middlechildsyndrome.

#iwasonetoo.

#ican'tbelieveshepushedhimoutthewindow.

#crap.

THE END.

off the heezy fo' sheezy

the family yard.

off the heezy fo' sheezy.

headed for san diego.

that's what they said.

falling on green grass

stormy weather can be the best medicine.

for when you're feeling stormy inside.

like it makes your mood feel not so bad,

but cozy instead.

like you have the right to grump around

while you try to wake up.

 especially on monday,

when everyone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.

thank goodness for snow

falling on green grass.

better than coffee.

i swear:)

real men wear mermaid

growin' up with a big sis means working at yo' tool bench in yo' ariel dress.