get out of jail free card

chase's click clack latch has turned into a ZERO latch.

very frustrating.

after 3 weeks of no problems.

this has left me crying.

chase too.

frustrated to tears.

not in a sad way.

in a

"come on, suck!"

"we don't have time for this"

kind of way.

oodles of milk,

there for the sucking.

and yet,

he is down right refusing to suck.

as of this afternoon that is.

because before then we were at least clicking and clacking.

except late at night.

and in the middle of the night.

then he will suck. 

at least we're all sleeping.

and napping.

he's so fickle with his sucking.

after two friends, a lactation counsellor, and a charge nurse,

we are still plum out of luck.

fast letdown,

weather,

latch,

full too fast,

air bubble,

gassy,

something i've eaten,

side preference,

slippery when wet,

drowning in milk

and who really knows anyway?

kind of luck.

how is it possible that two years of first hand nursing experience can't get me out of this.

i'm experienced!

just not with chase.

we'll get it figured out.

i know we'll get it figured out.

it's the figuring out part that is not fun.

AND 

i've been mean to my big kids.

b/c i'm frustrated with nursing.

b/c even when he did latch, they would all but burn the house down in the time it takes to nurse.

not cruel.

just short and impatient.

me,

not nursing.

that's just long and frustrating.

can't they see i just need a minute?!

or three hours?

to get this baby's latch figured out?

and then nice mommy will come back.

i keep telling them to "go away."

in my stern mommy voice.

it breaks my heart.

and i swear i won't say it again.

and then out it comes,

again

and again.

and i promise to try better next time.

brennan whimpers.

max hits chase.

or just tells me no.

and throws something.

i can see it in their eyes.

confused,

sad,

what happened to my life,

look in their eyes.

this is part where i remind myself that their lives have been turned upside down.

and maybe they deserve a get out of jail free card.

but can i have one too?

i think it's time to schedule my massage.

i'd better pick up some peanut butter cheesecake and a raspberry lemonade on the way home too.

have mercy,

i didn't see this one coming.

hang on for 2 seconds!

"mom, could you come here please?"

{very calm}

"what do you need?"

{i was annoyed}

"mom could you hurry please?"

{still calm}

i'm thinking "hurry?"

{maybe i'd better get up and see what he's doing, but no rush}

again brennan says,

"mom, please come here. i'm in the pantry. hurry please?"

{calm again, very sweetly}

so i get up with a sigh b/c i've just sat down for the first time all day.

but he did ask nicely.

i found him stuck and clinging to the pantry shelves.

"mom, my hands are slipping, could you help me?"

and he knows that if he cries i won't do a darn thing,

but if he talks in a "normal voice" i'll help him with anything.

smart kid.

i couldn't stop laughing.

so naturally i told him to, 

"hang on for two seconds, i've got to get my camera!!!"

he didn't fall.

and i got my picture;)

this is what he was reaching for:

man after my own heart.

old faithful

when they're outside, i can't hear the screaming as much:)

and they don't have to hear me as much.

win/win.

it's worth every clothes change they can muster.

b/c i have a washer and dryer.

and a bath tub.

i don't think brennan is capable of feeling the elements.

he'd just rather be in his underwear.

now if i could just convince him to not get dressed at all...

chase slept for 5 hours last night.

two times in a row.

who knew the right latch could help him sleep so long?!

the air bubbles are plaguing him on a regular basis.

from a click clacking latch.

we sound like a ticket counter.

it is sad.

it's a work in progress.

he got his first real live bonified bath.

he cried until i warmed up the water.

he prefers the sauna bath.

then he fell asleep.

a happy man.

in the tub.

and he peed on me.

but not in that order.

i giggled .

b/c by now i know

that all boys pee

right when you put them in the bath.

straight up like old faithful.

he has white eyelashes and eyebrows.

have i mentioned that yet?

a redhead for sure.

gummy drive thru's

i've been eating my kids gummy vitamins.

i can't help myself.

they're really good.

the smell of processed gummy fruit.

intoxicating.

i'm starting to go stir crazy.

we need to get out.

i just can't decide where or how yet.

the drive thru bank and post office just aren't cutting it anymore. 

double

the one time in your life when you can have a double chin

and everyone adores you for it.

how did we ever survive without him???

..................

going on a date between nursings,

no makeup,

and sleepy-eyed.

we must have a newborn:)

eight is great!

3 handsome men delivered breakfast in bed to me this morning.

i'll happily awake from a deep sleep to that any day of the week:)

8 years went by in a snap!

HAPPY HAPPY

to my sean sean.

...........................................................
the rest of the morning went like this:
1. sean leaves for work
2. max dumps OHs cereal all over floor
{easy to vaccum, crisis averted, slightly annoyed it was the expensive cereal, could be worse...}
3. nurse chase
4. max wants phone
5. max needs help with phone
6. try to help max with phone
7. max hits chase while nursing
8. chase cries
9. scold max, time out after chase is done
10. max hides in curtain
11. max comes back, hits chase again {now i'm really annoyed}
12. point finger and tell her to "go to timeout" in a mean mommy voice
13. max says "NO!" and marches away
14. max brings me her ruby red shoes, wants them on
15. i tell her "i will help you put them on when chase is done eating."
16. max hits chase over the head with her shoes
17. chase screams, face bright red
18. i am now furious and tell her i'm going to throw her shoes in the trash {not my finest hour}
19. put chase down, eating has to wait, pick up max, consider locking her in the basement {this is the crazy mom that lives inside of me}, decide to grab the booster seat in the the basement instead
20. strap max to the booster seat--mommy 1 point, max 40,000 points {go me}
21. leave max there for 20 min while i finish feeding chase
22. send max to friend's house and brennan on a field trip with grandma
23. angels sing--is it time for my date tonight yet???

 8 years ago today i was taking pictures in the tulips of temple square.

it was 70 and sunny.

the most perfect day i could have dreamed up.

another gorgeous sunny day today,

with gorgeous babies.

healthy and happy.

the happiest life i could ever have dreamed up.

even with a 2 year old that is really naughty when i nurse.

it's a good thing they are all so cute.

and that i can laugh at it when it's all over.

have mercy.

toothless wonder

i take it back.

3 is harder than 2.

dang it.

i hate it when i'm wrong.

i forgot how much i love kissing babies with no teeth.

not other people's toothless wonders.

just mine:)

trust me,

his face is different in

every

single

shot.

i dare you to check.

twice.