where's the humanity!!??!! {the binky fairy}

we were looking for jessie stuff.

as in the toy story cowgirl--yeeeeeeHOOOOOOO!

pictures to hang on her wall.

or cowgirl stuff.

whatever we could find.

b/c she keeps telling us that she doesn't want to sleep 

in brennan's room anymore with all of the boy cowboy stuff.

'cause she's a girl.

that's why.

except the only jessie stuff walmart had was a $42 doll.

and really,

i did not want to spend $42 on a doll.

so before we left we ran around the corner to the bikes.

and talked about how when santa comes wouldn't it be awesome to give him her binkies for a bike?!

max: can i ride the bike?

me: yes! and we can take the bike home if you want to give santa your binkies!

max: today?!

me: sure! santa can bring you a bike tonight! 

{what? didn't your mother ever tell you the elves work all year long? they do.}

max: i don't want to give santa my binkies.

me: ok, let's ride the bike to the posters to see if there's a jessie poster.

max: ok.

after that,

she

was

hooked.

max: mommy, i don't need my binkies. big girls with bikes like these don't need binkies.

me: so you're ready to give santa your binkies?

max: nope. {in a whisper} i want to throw them in the trash! i still have them at night?

me: nope. if we get the bike there's no more binkies anymore ever.

{she thinks...and thinks...}

max: i throw them away!!!!! let's get the bike.

me: {i'm panicking. this is not what i planned. i thought we had 3 more months of binky bliss!}

{compose yourself, deep breaths, smile}

ok awesome!!! 

you know this means there will be NO MORE binkies.

not even at night.

you can throw them away,

or give them to the binky fairy,

or santa,

whatever,

but the binkies are gone.

max: YES!

me: let's go buy the bike.

max: woohoo!!!

...

so she rode the bike to the checkout,

and out through the parking lot.

when she got home she ran through the house,

gathering the only 2 binkies we have left,

and threw them into the trash.

with a big proud smile on her face.

and for an hour she rode up and down our street.

in the freezing cold.

with minnie mouse and her panda {minus the binky} 

strapped into the pink puffy car seat off of the back of the built in princess seat.

and then after dinner,

she got all into her jammies,

brushed her teeth,

went potty,

and headed for her bed,

and

then

it

hit

her.

she wanted her binkies.

she burst into tears.

told us she wanted her binkies back!

didn't want them gone!

over and over and over again.

with the saddest little face,

and big huge crocodile tears.

but we were in it now.

that was the first thing i thought.

and then i thought, why did i let her throw them into the trash!

why didn't i tell her to just leave them out on the counter?

we could bag it and just get them if we hadn't have thrown then into the trash!

but now those precious binkies were in the blue garbage cans on the side of the house.

sitting among diapers and garbage.

stinky smelly diapers.

WHY OH WHY!?

where's the humanity in that!?

my heart was aching for her.

being an avid thumb sucker until the right bold age of 14 you see.

there was no girl who loved sucking her thumb more than me.

i can still remember how lovely it was.

but there was just no going back to the binkies now.

her little face was just so sad.

and all i could offer was to say a prayer,

and cuddle her until she fell asleep.

{ok, maybe i also gave her some benedryl. 

in my defense, she did have a runny nose. 

and possibly a rash. 

or what looked like a scratch that MIGHT turn into a rash. 

and my pediatrician always tells me,

that a runny nose and something that MIGHT turn into a rash 

are perfectly good reasons to pull out the benedryl.

he is the best, i know.

see, totally justifiable use for benedryl.

and pediatrician recommended. ha!}

so when she was beside herself in my binky is gone agony,

i asked her if she wanted the binky fairy to leave her a note in the night.

and that she would come only when max fell asleep.

and what did the binky fairy look like anyway?

at which point she gathered herself enough 

to choke out her self-made binky fairy description.

white dress.

pink shoes.

purple and pink hair.

purple and pink wings.

blue eyes.

rainbow fairy dust.

then she asked for dad.

sean came in,

i laid under the blankets with brennan in his bed,

and we all fell asleep.

when it was almost 10 sean woke me up,

and i staggered downstairs to clean up dinner.

so grateful the binky fairy did the rest.

did you know binky fairies PEE GLITTER.

i know,

it was news to us too.

she also left her glitter all over the trash cans,

kitchen table and floors,

on max's new princess bike {silly fairy thought she was big enough},

and finally in max's car seat.

i wish you could have seen max's face in the morning.

so proud.

that she'd done it.

me too max.

me too.