don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear.

6 months ago I was the mom whose kids had to drag her out of bed in the morning, 

was cranky for a good three hours after that, perked up around lunch bc carbs made me the happiest 😂😭, and then gave my kids screens from 1-3pm EVERY DAY with direct instructions to not talk to me or bother me bc this was my time to watch Netflix, eat Nutella and whipped cream (or Reese's pb cups) and/or nap, which would only make me MORE tired, but I had to have it to make it through the day anyway. I was always having to roll down the windows to my car during carpool, even with 6 screaming kids in the back, bc I would be falling asleep at the wheel at 3:30pm (after my nap mind you). Then I would get my kids to bed at 8pm ON.THE.DOT. bc I need a minimum of 3 hours of wind down time to eat Choc pb ice cream to soothe my anxiousness and zone out to endless shows on my DVR. My hair was falling out, my skin was peeling on my hands (no matter what lotion I used), I went to bed at 9pm bc I felt like I was 93yrs old, and I had accepted this as normal and what having littles had to be like. It was my badge of honor in fact! This is not normal, and I don't accept it anymore...I didn't know how bad I felt until I felt good.

"Don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear. 

The trouble it might drag you down, if you get lost you can always be found." 

#found 

if you're struggling like i was, you can try what worked for me at:

www.whathealthyfeelslike.com

i used the triplex combo {slim, probio5, biocleanse} and xfactor multivitamin.

that blasting music is quiet.

it's like all day long everything is so loud.

and for 30 minutes,

i don't hear anything but music.

in some warped way that blasting music is quiet.

and i have thoughts.

like actual thoughts.

that make me hear everything i can't hear the rest of the day.

and i like it.

cause what if you need a new roof?

i blame the solar salesman 

at the front door.

right at dinner time.

god bless him bc he was REAL{ly} kind and all.

but man,

the tortilla had to volunteer as tribute on this one.

also,

apparently solar is the new hot thing.

and it makes me think about when the mom in back to the future put the tiny pizza in the microwave,

and then it came out big and that was how pizzas were supposed to be cooked in 2023 or something like that.

except maybe we'll all have solar on our roofs in 2075.

what do you do when you need a new roof though?

cause they asked me how old was roof was,

and it made me not want solar ever.

cause what if you need a new roof?

like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me {dean}

i sat outside with my kids in the sun after school.
putting the batman cape on dean about 50 times to try to take a picture of him wearing it,
and he just kept tearing it off.
i kept holding the camera up and then putting it on him to see if i could snap a pic before he tore it off.
didn't work.
#anythingfortheshot
so we sat there in the sun.
grass in our toes.
feeling like it's summer.
and it hit me.
dean is the baby.
for the first time ever,
i felt it.
what the other moms talk about when they say they are done.
i don't know, maybe i'm not done, maybe it was a fluke,
but today, i sat there staring at dean with chase slurping a grape popsicle {me worrying he would get it on my new white capri jeans},
brennan jumping on the tramp with ross,
and maxine taking a shower inside,
and i just felt like everything in my heart was satisfied.
like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me.
and i was happy.
this baby.
he melts me.
more than any other baby i've had before.
he cuddles his little auburn head into the nook of my neck and lays there for minutes.
looooooong drawn out minutes.
when he gets hurt,
usually from one of the big kids body slamming him,
or slamming the knight castle or bat cave into his nose {they drew blood today on the poor chap},
he does this cry that breaths in fast three times with a whimper at the end,
and i can't help but think there won't ever be a person on the planet that will need me like that ever again.
and it's heaven.
god gave me heaven.
with the four little gibbies and sean sean.

and you picked me back {twelve}

He knows me better than I know myself, calls me once a day from work and says he "just wanted to hear my voice and get his Emily fix," he sweeps floors, does dishes and laundry, gets up with kids in the night, changes diapers, makes our family laugh with his Volkswagen German accent voice, never has to worry about what he says or does bc he always acts with integrity (like it's freakishly perfect), loves weeding and organizing the garage, and still takes my breath away with his dark brown eyes and perfect pouty lips. I love you Sean Sean. Thank the lord I picked you and you picked me back.

#happyANNI

SLIM

I almost didn't try plexus bc of this little bag right here. 

The name, the girl measuring herself, 

and the strip about weight loss across the top. 

It killed me 😳🔫. 

SCAM! And "just another fad" is what went through my head. 

What some of you don't know is that in college I struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food. It went on for about two years on and off and bc it was on and off, 

I kept it pretty well hidden. Im sure people had their suspicions who knew me really well. 

I have so much love for that girl I used to be. I wish I could go back and hug her. 

I was so unhappy with myself, and the only thing I could control was what I looked like. 

It gave me a high. Almost like a drug. I felt like if I looked a certain way, I would be happy. Thank goodness, through my lord and savior, many wonderful friends and family, 

and my amazing husband, I was able to heal and change my thinking patterns over a ten year period. It was a lot of work and a constant conscious effort, but I did it. 

That being said, I still had triggers. Exercise, overeating, and "diets" 

had to be a thing of the past bc they were triggers. 

I never wanted to go back to thinking those thoughts again, 

and so I put controls (this seems to be a common theme with me😂😭🙈) 

on myself to make sure I avoided anything that would trigger. I didn't trust myself. 

So a product that was marketed for weight loss and called Slim scared the CRAP 💩😰 out of me, especially bc I don't put pressure on myself to lose weight or look a certain way anymore. I am so proud of how far I've come. 

But, I was desperate for help with my milk supply, 

and Brooke wouldn't shut up about how great she felt, 

so I just did it. 

I have had so many blessings that have come from plexus, 

but one that I realized today is that for the first time in over ten years, 

my triggers are not there anymore. 

I trust myself. 

My body doesn't want me to soothe it with food, 

it doesn't want me to overeat, 

it craves exercise bc I have more energy, 

and when I'm hungry I naturally reach for healthy foods bc that's what sounds good. 

I'm so grateful that I am fully free, and I now love this little pink drink 

named Slim that's about so much more than weight loss.

helpers

he knows he's safe.

you can see it in his eyes. 

LOL!!!

granola to get me through

Must be tax time 😳🔫

#arewethereyet #granolatogetmethrough

i'm not even being sarcastic.

I just really like him a lot lately. I'm not being sarcastic. 

Even with all that toilet paper, I couldn't get mad! 

All of a sudden he's just my favorite person to be around. 

He makes me laugh, he's my most kind child, and he is so independent it's scary. 

Nobody is funnier than chase ray. #oneLINERmaster #thebabyman

not shaving cream this time.

Hashtag while i was nursing. 

THANK YOU MAX:) 

Of course she said "he WANTED me too."

cause that's always her answer.

word on the street is that the concrete is stained for life.

just getting ready for st patty's over here.

that's what i have to say to that.