only two dimples left on his hands guys.

my favorite summer nights lately,

are when sean and i get the little boys bathed and in bed.

i sing to chase.

he likes baby beluga the best.

and he always falls asleep with the light on before i even walk out of the room.

i walk by sean sitting with maxine on her bed.

sometimes she's being sweet.

other times she's freaking out and i can tell sean has had it.

those are the times when we locked wide eyes 

and i give him the "stay strong brotha! you've got this" look.

and then i walk down the stairs into the big room,

and brennan has a book on the recliner,

with one of the big cozy blankets.

you know the ones costco has every year?

and they go on sale like right when it's starting to snow outside.

i've bought one every year for the last 5 years.

we have lots of colors.

the grey one is the newest, so that's the one the kid fight over the most.

i've got my eye on purple next year folks.

it doesn't match a thing in my house, but i just love how bright it is.

so anyway,

brennan reads to himself, while i go through email and messages,

and then he curls up and falls asleep.

and it's the little routine that i love.

this older kid routine.

where they can hang out with you bc they're older.

and they're not so little.

and i love it.

only two dimples left on his hands guys.

we're on borrowed time.

#thegoodolddaysrightnow

i finally wrote about being a working mom.

When I used to hear working moms talk about the judgment they felt, 

the criticism they received for it, and the guilt they felt, I remember thinking that was SOOO the 80's ‪#‎soapbox‬ of the past. This is the 21st century for crying out loud. We must be past all of that right? And yet, here I am, finding myself as a working ‪#‎sahm‬ feeling the judgment from others, the guilt of being a working mom (sometimes it's suffocating), and criticism for the outlet which my passion has led me to. And it's real. It's so undeniably real. How can this be? How can a woman, who's helping to provide for her family, while caring for her children, be criticized and judged for the same thing that society is so accepting of in a father? God bless Sean for always seeing me as an equal in all things, whether I was working or not. He has and always will be my number one supporter. Can a woman not have passion as a mother and have a professional vocation? Does it make her less of a mother if she does? Does it make her pursuits greedy if she is successful? Boastful? What if her pursuit is network marketing over a more traditional job? Does that make her selfish? Less worthy of success? What about negligent, or out of balance? Does it imply that she is putting her marriage and family second if she pursues both? After 8 months of learning to harmonize and balance being a mother AND a working mom, I have learned that nothing is black and white, you can't have it all, AND that things aren't always how they appear. As a society, I can see that we can do better. As women, let us embrace each other, regardless of the path we take. I have done a lot of reckoning with the woman I was before all of this, and I'm grateful for the experiences God has brought into my life to see another side. It has given me more empathy for others than anything I've ever experienced in my life. When we as a human race learn to truly LOVE one another, we will STOP criticizing each other, and BEGIN embracing each other for the bravery it takes to pursue what we truly believe in WITHOUT judgement...and that's when we will have become progressive. 

This is my prayer. Amen. ‪

#‎breaktheglassceiling‬ ‪#‎workingmom‬ ‪#‎iamaMOTHER‬

Mama Einstein;)

When I met Julie Clark (creator of Baby Einstein) two weeks ago, 

she taught me four things: 

1. Make your own luck 

2. Make a positive difference 

3. Choose hope always 

4. Make an impact. 

There are moments where you KNOW what you're doing 

is changing something bigger than you. 

This was one of those days, and I'm grateful I was there to receive it.

4 months after I had Dean, I wasn't sitting around in my sweatpants crying all day, 

so at first i didn't make the connection to the silent symptoms of postpartum and anxiety I was having.

Instead, i was always anxious, doing really OCD things like washing my hands ALL the time, having clothes folded in a certain way, and needing my house to be organized. 

My postpartum was late onset, so there was no one there to recognize it other than me, 

and it just left me feeling like I didn't have this motherhood thing figured out after all. 

It made me feel like I was not good enough, even though I knew I was. 

It's the strangest thing to know you're being irrational, but not have control over it. 

And still feeling like you're happy, but something is just still wrong.

And you just resign to the realization that maybe this is just what it's going to be like for the next 20 years until your kids go to college.

And it wasn't like everything was awful.

My baby made me REALLY happy. My kids and husband made me REALLY happy.

Which is why i was even more confused by it.

 There is a bill in the House of Representatives right now called H.R. 3235: Bringing Postpartum Depression Out of the Shadows Act of 2015. It has been designed to give states more funding to provide additional screening for mothers, and help them have resources to get help. I want to get rid of the stigma of what we "think" postpartum is supposed to look like, and the shame that comes with postpartum depression in general. Email, call, and FB message your congressman and let them know that their constituents see a need. There are people in Washington right now that can make this happen, and if we can flood their messages all at once, we will make a difference!

You can tune into to Good Things Utah Tuesday July 5th at 9am Mountain time to hear me speak about my experience with postpartum depression and anxiety.

See ya'll there!

PIZZA! PIZZA! {good things utah}

if you're tuning in today because you saw us today on 

Good Things Utah,

HELLO!

HOWDY!

GUTEN TAG!

...

INGREDIENTS:

2tbls yeast

2 cups warm water

1tbls sugar

5 cups flour

3tbls canola oil

2tbls salt

1tbls dried oregano *

1tbls dried basil *

{*optional}

DIRECTIONS:

1. warm water, sugar, and yeast in bowl--let sit until yeast rises on top of water {10-15 min.}.

2. flour, canola oil, salt and other spices in bowl.

3. poor water/sugar/yeast mixture into canola oil and dry ingredient bowl--mix with kitchen aid and dough hook for 5 min. or knead on counter until it feels elastic. i add a little bit of warm water if it's too dry or a little bit of flour if it's too moist to get it just right. it's different every time! 

 

4. let rise, covered for 1 hour {i like to put it in my microwave with a kitchen towel over the top.}

5. roll out your dough, and put it on your pam sprayed air back pan {go buy one, it's worth it},

6. then stuff your crust

7. butter and garlic your crust

8.  THEN BEFORE you put your sauce, cheese, and toppings on, BAKE YOUR CRUST FOR 10-13 MINUTES at 435*, until it knocks hard in the center.

9. take out of oven, add sauce, cheese and toppings,and put back in oven for another 5-6 minutes until the cheese and crust start to brown. Sometimes i have to put it on low broil for the last 5 minutes of this to get it to brown on the top.

This is the secret to having a pizza parlor crust: BAKE BEFORE YOU ADD YOUR SAUCE, CHEESE, & TOPPINGS.

Makes 2 full sized pizzas.

OR you can put half of your mixed dough into a ziploc pam sprayed bag {before it rises in the very begging, right after you mix it} and freeze it. Next time you need dough, you can put it out on your counter midday and let it thaw and rise for homemade pizza dough without all of the work.

you can follow me on... 

facebook at: Emily Ryan Gibson

INSTAGRAM: emiemiemi82

and maybe one day on snapchat, 

but somebody had better get to bullying me into it.

the flower head piece ALMOST lured me in.

but until then,

i'll be here old schoolin' it on ma' BLOG.

some things never change.

healing the wounds

There's something about being in the dirt 

that heals all wounds, 

strengthens all that's weak, and nourishes 

all that's been lacking. 

Sending love and prayers out today 

to the people that need it most. 

Rest in peace sweet Maureen. This raspberry start is for you.

don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear.

6 months ago I was the mom whose kids had to drag her out of bed in the morning, 

was cranky for a good three hours after that, perked up around lunch bc carbs made me the happiest 😂😭, and then gave my kids screens from 1-3pm EVERY DAY with direct instructions to not talk to me or bother me bc this was my time to watch Netflix, eat Nutella and whipped cream (or Reese's pb cups) and/or nap, which would only make me MORE tired, but I had to have it to make it through the day anyway. I was always having to roll down the windows to my car during carpool, even with 6 screaming kids in the back, bc I would be falling asleep at the wheel at 3:30pm (after my nap mind you). Then I would get my kids to bed at 8pm ON.THE.DOT. bc I need a minimum of 3 hours of wind down time to eat Choc pb ice cream to soothe my anxiousness and zone out to endless shows on my DVR. My hair was falling out, my skin was peeling on my hands (no matter what lotion I used), I went to bed at 9pm bc I felt like I was 93yrs old, and I had accepted this as normal and what having littles had to be like. It was my badge of honor in fact! This is not normal, and I don't accept it anymore...I didn't know how bad I felt until I felt good.

"Don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear. 

The trouble it might drag you down, if you get lost you can always be found." 

#found 

if you're struggling like i was, you can try what worked for me at:

www.whathealthyfeelslike.com

i used the triplex combo {slim, probio5, biocleanse} and xfactor multivitamin.

that blasting music is quiet.

it's like all day long everything is so loud.

and for 30 minutes,

i don't hear anything but music.

in some warped way that blasting music is quiet.

and i have thoughts.

like actual thoughts.

that make me hear everything i can't hear the rest of the day.

and i like it.

cause what if you need a new roof?

i blame the solar salesman 

at the front door.

right at dinner time.

god bless him bc he was REAL{ly} kind and all.

but man,

the tortilla had to volunteer as tribute on this one.

also,

apparently solar is the new hot thing.

and it makes me think about when the mom in back to the future put the tiny pizza in the microwave,

and then it came out big and that was how pizzas were supposed to be cooked in 2023 or something like that.

except maybe we'll all have solar on our roofs in 2075.

what do you do when you need a new roof though?

cause they asked me how old was roof was,

and it made me not want solar ever.

cause what if you need a new roof?

like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me {dean}

i sat outside with my kids in the sun after school.
putting the batman cape on dean about 50 times to try to take a picture of him wearing it,
and he just kept tearing it off.
i kept holding the camera up and then putting it on him to see if i could snap a pic before he tore it off.
didn't work.
#anythingfortheshot
so we sat there in the sun.
grass in our toes.
feeling like it's summer.
and it hit me.
dean is the baby.
for the first time ever,
i felt it.
what the other moms talk about when they say they are done.
i don't know, maybe i'm not done, maybe it was a fluke,
but today, i sat there staring at dean with chase slurping a grape popsicle {me worrying he would get it on my new white capri jeans},
brennan jumping on the tramp with ross,
and maxine taking a shower inside,
and i just felt like everything in my heart was satisfied.
like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me.
and i was happy.
this baby.
he melts me.
more than any other baby i've had before.
he cuddles his little auburn head into the nook of my neck and lays there for minutes.
looooooong drawn out minutes.
when he gets hurt,
usually from one of the big kids body slamming him,
or slamming the knight castle or bat cave into his nose {they drew blood today on the poor chap},
he does this cry that breaths in fast three times with a whimper at the end,
and i can't help but think there won't ever be a person on the planet that will need me like that ever again.
and it's heaven.
god gave me heaven.
with the four little gibbies and sean sean.

and you picked me back {twelve}

He knows me better than I know myself, calls me once a day from work and says he "just wanted to hear my voice and get his Emily fix," he sweeps floors, does dishes and laundry, gets up with kids in the night, changes diapers, makes our family laugh with his Volkswagen German accent voice, never has to worry about what he says or does bc he always acts with integrity (like it's freakishly perfect), loves weeding and organizing the garage, and still takes my breath away with his dark brown eyes and perfect pouty lips. I love you Sean Sean. Thank the lord I picked you and you picked me back.

#happyANNI