the boost

we let brennan eat in his booster seat at the counter with us tonight for dinner.
oh so generous we were feeling.
how did it go?
he whined the entire time.
drank juice and milk.
threw his fork.
never ate a bite.
i'd say it went awesome.
actually, now that i think about it, it was awesome.
all of the food stayed on his plate!
now that's an accomplishment.

"it was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini"

i swim.
i haven't in awhile.
i tried to swim around 20 weeks the way i swam before (that was a link to click in the blue, go ahead, click, we'll wait) i was pregnant and it landed me on the floor of our living room for an hour and a half.
exhausted and feeling like death.
the scout master was worried.
i just wanted to lay and not move.
so that's what i did.
i have a hard time with halfway and exercise.
so i decided to keep walking with my girlfriends and drop the swimming.
well, now walking is out of the question.
seeing as walking from the front of our apt to the back of our apartment is uncomfortable.
and when i say uncomfortable, i mean that the waddle is in full effect.
a painful waddle.
that means we're nearing the end.
hurray!
waddle away!
the scout master says it's cute.
i think it's funny.
and i miss swimming.
but now i have a problem.
my swim suit doesn't fit my "current state."
i thought maybe it would stretch to fit.
nope.
which leaves a decision.
buy a maternity suit with 7 weeks to go,
or make an absolute spectacle out of myself in a bikini.
a polka dot bikini.
that i haven't worn in almost 7 years b/c i stopped wearing bikinis.
ok, wait, that's a lie.
i did wear it on my due date with brennan for a picture to show how big my belly was b/c my mom did it when she was pregnant with me.
i plan to do it on the due date or before rushing to the hospital if any future children come early.
it's fun.
and it makes me feel proud of the pregnant body.
and it's AMAZING to look back and see how absolutely HUGE my belly was!
so cool.
back to the bikini wearing.
8pm "lap swim" in the city pool is where jess, bree, keri, and i partake in our "aqua"-holicism.
where we are the youngest swimmers by at least 50 years.
where i would be sporting this polka dot bikini.
i just keep thinking what else i could do with the money in our budget instead of spending it on a maternity speedo.
like sushi.
we could go out to sushi twice for the price of what i think a maternity speedo will cost.
i'm sure there are other options, but speedo's have a great life span, and i like to buy suits that will last.
then i think healthy living is important too, and with a few weeks of saving i might be able to work it into the budget.
but then i picture myself trying to get into the pool, 8 mo. pregnant in a bikini, a polka dot bikini, without being noticed by the elderly crew and the high school lifeguards.
and i laugh.
and i think it would be really funny.

on my back, but i was on my left.

3:50am.
i woke up, blazing hot, or at least i felt like it.
and ready to puke.
i didn't puke, in case you were wondering.
i layed there on my left side, wishing i didn't feel like i wanted to puke.
was i on my back?
no, on my left.
but was i on my back?
i love sleeping on my back.
hardest part of being pregnant is not being able to sleep on my back.
this happened once around 18 weeks or something like that.
the waking up and feeling like puking,
except that time i made myself puke hoping it would make me feel better.
it didn't.
it just made me never want winger's wings ever again.
was it the bacon i ate last night in my blt-a?
"are you feeling sick babe?" i asked the scout master.
he grumbled that his legs were a little achy.
this is normal.
so i roll to my right side, hoping it will help.
nope, i still feel awful.
was it the bacon?
finally i decide it would be safest to go take a seat on the bathroom floor.
i sat there for 5 minutes until i was so cold i was shaking.
so glad to not feel hot anymore that i didn't care i was cold.
then i walked out to the recliner, had the scout master cover me in a blanket, and fell asleep until 6:45am or something close to that.
i walked back to my side of the bed, climbed in, freezing from the cold sheets, scooted over to the scout master's side.
his sheets are always warm.
then i got too hot and scooted back to mine.
and fell back asleep until after 9.
thank you scout master for getting up with the pork loin.
and now i'm thinking it must have been b/c i was sleeping on my back, even though i woke up on my left.
the vena cava is the only thing i can gather.
couldn't have been the bacon.
from my experience you can't just not puke if you have food poisoning.
but you can stand up to let the blood flow back into your body if the vena cava has been smooshed from sleeping on your back.
i can't wait to sleep on my back again.
too bad having the baby doesn't mean sleep;-)
b/c i remember thinking it would when i was pregnant with brennan.
that's funny.
...
in other news...
it's freakishly cold for utah today.
we've got nothing on rexburg, but it's cold for utah.
12 degrees at 9am.
warmed up to 18 or something by 10 when we went out.
ice skating on our creek.
sort of.do anyone's kids keep their gloves on?
he screams b/c the handles are cold, but refuses to keep his gloves on.
until 10 minutes later when he fell into the snow with no gloves.
then he wore his gloves.
until 10 minutes later when he ripped them off again and it all started over.
i don't want to deal with gloves ever again.
this just didn't seem like a good idea to me,
but they assured me it was perfectly safe.
uh-huh.
see, 18 or something.

his cousins taught him to make a snow angel.

he got the legs going, but never figured out the arms.

didn't he do a great job;-)

or maybe this was mary's...

the big boy swing.

good thing we're having a baby b/c i think mine might not be one anymore.

although my dad still calls me his baby.
i never understood why.

i guess i do now.

always my baby, just a little bigger.

but he was never really that small.

live for this

this is the stuff i live for.

believe it or not, i got to enjoy him like this for 30 minutes.

best 30 min. of my day.

don't know what i did to deserve it, but i couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

i tried to only kiss him every so often, to avoid smothering.

our wiener dog growing up hated that i kissed the side of his face so much that he would get up and move.

i didn't want the pork loin to get up and move, so i restrained myself.

i love his tummy.

i love his gushy chest.

i love his cabbage patch arms and the dimples on the tops of his hands.

i love the day after christmas.

the grandparents asked for these.

christmas eve:
white elephant gift follows.
i totally scored with what i got to keep.

brennan scored too.
christmas day:

i've never made jello salad before. it was really good.

things i learned on christmas:

white elephant gifts are funny...and fun. whichever.

the real work begins at 9:30pm on christmas eve.

if you run out of wrapping paper at 10:30pm on christmas eve, it is really great if you live in your cousin's basement.

"it's a wonderful life" is really sad.

i don't think i want to finish watching it.

maybe the ending is what makes it so wonderful?

i'm just as excited to wake up on christmas morning now as i was when i was 10.

doing all of the present clean up, all of the cooking, & all of the clean up from the cooking was a lot of work, even when you have a husband that helps with everything.

all of the work was worth it.

being home for the first time was bitter sweet. i missed my family, but it was really relaxing to be in my own home.

by the time it's dinner, not only am i not hungry, but i'm not in the mood to make dinner.

brennan ate mostly jello and cool whip for dinner. he doesn't eat on holidays. too much action.

there is no need for dessert on christmas. my dessert didn't turn out, and we still felt like we'd eaten dessert all day...b/c we had. yum, neighbor treats...

little boys are really funny with cars and play tools.

and boxes.

kids and boxes are funny.

my tummy makes a great hill to drive cars on. especially the Taz big wheel mega truck. ask brennan.

spending my remaining birthday money on the scout master's stocking and special holiday foods was worth the money. the baked brie made my holiday perfect.

so did a foot rub from the scout master.

glory be, my feet were sore.

almost 2 yr. olds can open one gift and play with that gift for a good 30 min-an hour before realizing there are other gifts they can open with MORE toys in them.

and then they can forget this newly learned fact and repeat the original pattern.

the scout master is really good at picking out socks and earrings.

grandparents and great grandparents are great at gift giving. brennan is a happy man. so am i. muchas, MUCHAS gracias family. thank you just isn't enough.

parents don't need to open gifts on christmas for it to be fun. besides, there is no time to open gifts for yourself anyway.

i loved pushing our couches out and letting brennan play in the big open space all day.

nemo may have been replaced by the "puppy movie." aka "101 Dalmatians." (thank you adam, kels, & jess).

my cell phone battery will not last past 3pm if i talk on it all morning.

if you plan to eat dinner at 6:30pm, it is smart to get dinner started before 6:14pm.

cheese fondue needs to be warming 1 hr before eating and meat fondue oil needs to be warming 30 min. before using.

if i want to make the rice pudding for dessert for christmas next year, i need to make the 1st part the night before, as the directions noted. trying to "hurry it up" two hours before will not work. the rice will not just "hurry up" and soak up the milk and sugar.

there are zero pictures of me on christmas day this year. at least i have my hannah montana wig picture as christmas memorabilia (big thanks to mary. rockin' white elephant gift girlfriend!).

i don't want to hear the mirah carey song again until christmas day next year. i may even need to skip her song next year all together.

all i want for christmas is exactly what i got: sean, brennan, and baby to be.

and my brie cheese. yum.

okay, okay, and the gifts were really fun too;-)

this means this.

this means:
this!

the pre-christmas day baking.

1. sweet potatoes (ryan tradition)

2. ham rolls (ryan tradition)

3. egg casserole (christmas morning breakfast, gibson fam tradition)
...

except i'm short cream cheese and cheddar cheese.

still don't know how this happened.

my list was meticulous.

oh well.

sent the scout master to the store.

as we speaketh he's fighting the christmas eve crowds at the grocery store.

ok, maybe it's not that dramatic.

good thing i figured this out at 9:30am, not 9:30pm.

bless him.

pork loin is crying at the door b/c he got left behind with me.

i think i'll try to wrestle some clothes on him while dad is gone.

i can smell his diaper from here.

his hives are gone this morning.

or lessened.

did i mention he made quite the spectacle scratching himself "THERE" at the aquarium yesterday?

all i could do was laugh...

and think of michael jackson.

b/c brennan looked like he was doing one of mj's dance moves to scratch.

merry christmas:-)

keep 'em coming

i love neighbor treats at christmas.

keep 'em coming people,

keep 'em coming.

NOTHING done {a small lie}

i think i might be pregnant.
this means three things:
1. Dr. N willing, i will be having a baby in 7 weeks instead of 9, like i did with brennan.
2. i have an excuse to do less (whether or not i take advantage of this is my own joy or demise).
3. my closets are super organized (usually done after the hours of 10pm).
with brennan's arrival due a month later than this one, i had EVERYTHING done by christmas.
except washing the clothes.
i wasn't a believer until the day before my induction in the washing of brand new clothes.
i love the way a new shirt looks.
andrea and bree convinced me i needed to.
i'm still not sure i needed to, but it gave me something to do and completed the nesting process.
funnest 4 loads of laundry of my life.
would my child really have died had i not washed his clothes?
i don't think so.
with this one, due a month earlier than brennan, i have NOTHING done.
ok, that's a lie.
i bought a set of binky's at walmart, a panda paciplushie (you must have this if you have a baby), and a pink coat on sale at the gymboree outlet store for $8.99 (marked down from $36, go me).
i've realized that it makes the time pass much faster this way.
the longer i put off getting ready, the closer and faster the little loinette seems to come.
plus, i've realized that when i bring said child home from the hospital:
a. she won't be sleeping in a crib with perfectly placed bedding for quite some time (please no offense first time moms that are currently pregnant and have done this months ago. i was there. it was necessary to do for the first pregnancy, and it is the BEST feeling to do it. happy nesting!).
b. my boobs and a binky are really all she needs.
(yes, i give my baby a binky before 6 weeks of age. gasp! i do not believe in nipple confusion. i believe in the sanity of a mother to not be used as a binky.)
c. the bouncer and the play mat take under 5 minutes to reassemble from storage.
d. we can pick the car seat up from my mom's garage and install it the night before. until then, i'm using the space in the backseat for my groceries since the trunk is full of strollers.
(what am i going to do with my groceries when i have two carseats in the back???)
as far as the clothes washing, i'm sure i'll do it the week before.
until then, i have no where to put her clothes.
when "then" comes, i may still have no where to put her clothes.
this may take some creative organizing.
...
today's fears:
1. my body feels like i've already given birth when i wake up in the morning or have been on my feet a lot during the day.
what does this mean for what it will feel like when i actually do give birth?
2. i think i may have found varicose vein #2, just mm's away from varicose vein #1.
does this mean varicose vein #3 is coming too?
...
in other news...
the scout master has started studying for his board exam.
i still love mondays.
my most productive day.
we are all out of reese's sticks and baby ruths from halloween.
i've moved onto the peanut butter cups and butterfingers.
the peanut butter cups are wonderful (thank you keri).
i don't know why i used to love butterfingers so much.
they crumble all over and aren't nearly as satisfying as something with peanut butter.
halloween candy really is the gift that keeps on giving.
the budget is having a rough week with christmas menu items and two sippy cups breaking.
it's a good thing i had some birthday money left over.
it's just not christmas without the shrimp and baked bri.
worth EVERY penny.
brennan thinks curious george is the funniest thing around.
i give you,
a video clip:

stockings hung with care

grandma max was famous for her stockings at christmas.
if you were in the family, she made you one.
under one condition.
you had to be born or married into the family before any stocking making began.
it was bad luck to start making the stocking before a birth or before a wedding of an incoming family member.
our wedding in april gave grandma a run for her money in 2004, but she did not disappoint.
in fact, over the years it appears the stockings have grown in length.
sean and brennan's are a good 3 inches longer than mine, made over 20 years before.
extra oranges at the bottom of theirs?
a new pattern?
thicker yarn?
who knows?
just more room for santa to spoil them ;-)
when grandma max passed away in june we knew we were expecting.
i wished for a girl so i could call her max.
a name that meant grace, intellect, beauty, integrity, tact, love, impeccable grammar, and one hell of a cook.
pardon my french, as grandma max would say.
her motto with words was "less is more."
i hope baby max takes after her grandmother.
in all of her grace.
and i hope i can learn to knit.
or talk aunt mary into making one for our newest member.
new year's resolution?

how it's gonna be.

this my friends is the look of horror that crossed my face in the shower this morning.
or afternoon.
whenever it was that i finally hauled myself into the cleaning process.
why you ask?
i found my first varicose vein.
on the back of my leg.
to be exact.
order of thoughts that went through my mind:
1. what is that?
2. gasp (this was done out loud)
3. i think it is a varicose vein.
4. thank goodness i don't wear short shorts.
5. does it hurt when i push it?
6. no, it doesn't. thank goodness.
7. wait, will it hurt soon?
8. when will it hurt?
9. dang it. here we go...
10. does this mean i'm going to have "other things" happen this time that didn't happen last time? (vague to spare TMI)
now i'm wishing i wouldn't have showered today.
i could have had one more day of happily believing i had yet again dodged this maternity bullet.
no sir, i have not.
ok Body, so this is how it's gonna be?!
ok.
just know that i expect you to do away with it, and any others that may appear, in the next 8 weeks after the little loinette has arrived.
heavens, i was bigger with brennan!
why didn't i get them with him?
why am i getting them now?
will there be more?
Body, it's a good thing you make good looking chubby babies.
it makes it ALL worth it:-).
did walking do this?
too much standing?
too much carrying of the pork loin?
oh dear.
am i making a little loinette to match or marvel the birth weight of the pork loin?
these things are not for the thinking of my mind.
they will be swiftly shoo-ed away.
and replaced with thoughts of my christmas menu.
it's friday.
menu planning, budget organizing, and weekly shopping day.
food sampling day at harmon's and costco.
not varicose vein day.

tanked his fears & tradition stealing

i've been taking brennan to the aquarium for months.

he is always too scared to touch the sea stuff in the touching ponds.

apparently dad was the magic trick.
so proud of the pork loin for facing his sea life fears;-)

such a champ!

after he did it twice there was no stopping him.

he wanted to touch it all.

even mr. ray.

his favorite part of the entire trip?

looking at dad through the short people tanks.

i don't even think he realized his favorite fish was in there.

"i'm so glad when daddy comes home..."

me too little loin, me too.

...

in other news...

the scout master introduced me to his teacher at the FINAL final party yesterday.

"this is my wife and she's started doing her kegels."

say what??!!

sigh.

so embarrassing.

not only did the teacher (i believe his name was jim) give me a slap on the back and a BIG smile, but the other two classmates standing in the circle with us gave me thumbs up.

bright red went the color of my face.

what was the only logical response i could fester up in a panic?

"they're working great too! i've noticed a big difference in the past week."

oh yes, i went there.

and then i wanted to crawl under the table.

my birthday present arrived two days ago.

the scout master is putting it together for me.

bless him.

and i quote,

"oh gosh, there are 73 steps if i want to attach both cup holders."

good thing there aren't 74, right stace;-)

and bree, you still need a kitchen aid and a microwave more.

don't worry scout master, you only have to attach one of the cup holders for now, lol.

penguins are coming to our aquarium in march.

i'm super excited.

african penguins.

with big furry, bird looking eye brows.

the seahorse exhibit opened today.

it was "eh."

not so fancy as they said it was going to be.

my hair is getting cut in 53 minutes.

it's been 3 months.

i'm not as excited to go as i used to be to go get my hair done.

without the coloring and getting to sit under the warm head dryer with a book it feels less like pampering and more like an errand.

dang it.

it still needs a snip.

two sippy cups broke yesterday.

the stoppers have lost their stop.

is this from putting them on the bottom thing of the dishwasher instead of on the top in those basket things?

i've decided to spend some of my birthday money on some new ones so as not to break the budget.

i came within 70 cents of the budget this week.

and it just feels good.

what do you eat on christmas eve for dinner?

we're in need of some tradition stealing.

lucky charms

the scout master left these out on the table this morning.
we left him a note telling him there was no luck needed.
by "we" i mean "me" at 11:30pm last night i wrote a note and signed it "em, brennan, and max."
i think it's safe to say his message back was that WE are his lucky charms;-)
go daddy go!!!
the pork loin gets to the be marshmallows.
his choice.
i guess that makes me the sugar coated cereal.

the replacement.

i've been to every store within a 30 min radius of my house.
sounds unimpressive, but with a toddler in a coat that naps in the middle of the day it's a small miracle.
i've googled, i've "amazoned."
above is what i was able to gather the week before christmas.
donna, the assistant manager at target, told me i was lucky to find it.
apparently, nativity sets were a "hot item this year."
her words, not mine.
she informed me there are none at target in the entire state of utah.
she checked on her hand held device and showed me.
at least i didn't go to two targets before i found that piece of ditty out.
this one was not from target.
it's hand painted.
ceramic.
and looks absolutely NOTHING like the one brennan
crashed to smithereens.
there's was white.
it was 20 pieces.
with large camels.
there are no camels in this one.
and baby jesus looks a little questionable.
sigh.
this is not what i wanted.
i hope to deliver it tomorrow.
i've been working on "sorry" with the pork loin.
hopefully it will give the entire episode a little extra touch to win them over.
i used some of my birthday money to buy it.
i'm thinking i should have pulled the funds from brennan's college account.
that's what i really wanted to do.
there was no money left in the budget this week, and the funds had to come from somewhere.
then i thought it was more my fault than his, seeing as i am "the adult" now.
whatever that means.
...
the scout master takes his FINAL final tomorrow.
i was signed up to bring cookies to the FINAL final party.
"THE" cookies.
so i'm baking tonight.
it's a tasty job.
that requires lot of hand washing with the amount of tasting i do.
what can i say, i love the dough.
i don't eat the cookies.
just the dough.
with a large glass of milk that i refill at least once.
i've heard it does a body good.
...
my visiting teacher made the news today.
she delivered her baby at home around 1:30am this morning.
she did not plan on a home birth.
her water broke, she hurried to get dressed, and then she realized the baby was coming right then.
9lbs. 3 oz.
one more oz. and she would have had a brennan!
what a champ!
the really crazy part?
this makes 3 for 3 of her children born on dec. 15th.
click here for a 1 min. video clip of the story.
...
why do "they" clap at the stock exchange when all of the stocks are down???
someone, please explain.
the end.

caked.

the hand rest back in full force.
i must say, it's quite convenient and comfortable.
the acid reflux begins around lunch time.
much earlier than with brennan, when it came after dinner.
somehow i've managed to lose 2 lbs this week.
hate me.
i would if a pregnant woman said that to me in december.
but don't worry too much, i'm sure my scale is just broken.
or it's b/c i had 1/2 diet pepsi and 1/2 cherry pepsi on friday night, instead of my normal full force of dr. pepper.
i'm sure it's just a fluke.
but hot dog, it makes a pregnant woman feel like jumping up and down!
unless i have a full bladder.
or anything in my bladder for that matter.
then i don't want to jump up and down.
i'm on day 3 of doing 30 kegels a day.
i'm desperate for some jumping up and down.
or just coughing in general.
oh how i remember hearing the other teachers talking about this in the teacher's lounge, swearing it was never going to happen to me...
the physical therapist/scout master is proud of my kegel goal.
all of that education in strengthening the body may actually rub off on me.
or i may just end up having all of the surgeries Dr. N offers after all of the babies have come.
time will tell.
at least i'm considering the physical therapist way for once.
walking less, enjoying the ending weeks much more.
with brennan i counted down by the day.
with "max" (the nickname we're teaching brennan to call her) i'm aware of the weeks, but patient with the progress.
brennan taught me to love myself.
"max" is teaching me to enjoy pregnancy.
a little.
no lying here, pregnancy has it's ups and downs, but i'm grateful that God has given my body this amazing gift.
b/c that's what it is.
a gift.
one that i remind myself it is when i'm whining about how painful it's becoming to walk and turn over in the night.
one that i wanted so badly it hurt.
today's fears:
1. that i may have worried over all of my worries for absolutely no reason at all.
BUT, i'm still glad i'm going through the emotions of it all.
it's a growing process.
i write them down,
get them out,
and leave them behind.
2. the epidural
this one kept me up sat. night.
3 shots of adrenaline after my epi with brennan.
more fluids next time, says Dr. N.
ok.
can't do it without it, so enough talk of that.
3. that my water might actually break this time, and i don't know where that plastic mattress cover i bought when i was pregnant with brennan went...
...
in other news...
i finished da vinci code yesterday.
less than impressed.
it was good, but i could take it or leave it.
just give me angels and demons again.
i'll take that.
hunger games, you're next (compliments of ann marie).
the scout master won a set of boxing gloves from everlast.
it was from their friday giveaway on facebook.
i'm jealous.
not of the gloves.
just of the winning.
how many times have i entered TAMN's giveaways and never won a thing?!
every month people, every month.
brennan's favorite word, since yesterday, is "bye."
he says it crystal clear.
like "cookie."
"go, bye, go" he says.
every time he walks away from one of us, down the hall, or away from a toy he says, "bye."
i love that kid.
braxton hicks are in full force.
last time they scared me.
this time they make me happy.
no pain, just progess.
glad i don't have the painful ones.
at least not until Dr. N breaks my water.
hopefully at 39 weeks this time, not 41.
solely for the benefit of my pelvic floor.
from what Dr. N says, a few more 9 pounders and i'm caked.
so-TA-speaking.

leftover popcorn

i didn't have the heart to throw friday night's leftover popcorn out.
so glad i didn't.

1. melt any chocolate you like (i love white and semi-sweet or milk)
2. add oil to melted choc to make it runny for drizzling
3. lay popcorn out over wax paper in one layer, drizzle choc over top with a spoon
4. yum, my afternoon snack

spilled cup and a great laugh

projects.
i'm finding that when you're cooped up inside with a toddler, they need projects.
it's work to get the stuff out.
it's work to help them do it.
it's work to clean the stuff up.
but it's better than the whining of a bored toddler.
and it's better than having destruct-o toddler roar it's head.
not sure if i can do painting more than once a week.
hopefully santa will bring play-do.
and that the stork or Dr. N will bring the little lady before valentine's day.
it's officially painful to turn over at night.
and not in the same way it was with brennan.
so at the risk of sharing too much, we'll just leave it at that.
brennan spilled the water cup on his.

i still think it's quite charming:-)

...

"more videos" for the scout master.

i really wish i could find a way to make money off of my kid's laugh.

and sense of humor.

away WENT the mangerS.

what do you do when your kid breaks all of the mangers at the ward christmas party?

white porcelain and a wooden one from germany to be exact.

and i was standing 2 feet from him.

actually watching him.

imagine the slow motion "nooooooooooooooooooo" in the movies.

i curse you paper table cloths.

i curse you that your sound was intriguing to my pork loin's ears and eyes.

the 21 mo. old ears and eyes that had no idea the mangers on top of the paper table cloths would also be dragged off with the paper in his ripping pleasure.

first, i did what any responsible adult would do.

i looked around to see what other kid could have done it.

place the blame on someone else.

no other kids in sight.

dang it.

then i just stood there with my hands up to my face, staring at the fragments of ceramic wise men and camels on the ground, and my back turned to a gym full of 200 people that had instantly become silent.

the scout master confessed later that the reason it took him so long to come over to share the shame was b/c

A. he was hoping it wasn't really his kid that did it

(yeah, sooooo me too),

and

B. b/c he didn't want everyone to see that it was his kid that did it

(all this as i stood there by myself with a toddler staring up at me like, "mom, why did you just do that?")

don't worry, he eventually came over to share the shame.

i don't blame him.

i think i would have stayed away too.

i tried to blink myself away from the scene several times.

i stood there frozen as other ward members came to help pick up the pieces.

pretty sure my face was a brighter red than santa's suit.

would have made a ute fan proud.

after about 5 minutes i mustered the courage to make my way into the kitchen where the said owner of the porcelain manger was cleaning up.

at which point i completely held it together for about 20 seconds, and then totally broke down crying from utter embarrassment.

lovely woman to forgive me.

anyone know where i can find a good ceramic manger scene?

maybe quilted bear...

the wooden one was from germany.

bro. duggar lovingly said it wasn't a big deal.

i literally feel nauseated right now.

so that's it,

we're moving.

i can't show my face in the neighborhood ever again.

after we replace the mangers, of course.

...

winner of the

most supportive quote

of our incident goes to bree's husband:

"no biggie, they were only handcrafted figures handed down for four generations. they made it all the way in covered wagons to utah in 1850."

-matt strong, sent by text message

really, it did make us laugh and took some of the edge off, which is why it is the winner.

thank goodness for friends that know how to make you laugh.

if you can't laugh, what else is left?

nothing i say, nothing.

"oh-oo"

thanksgiving.

i never told you that he ate mostly marshmallows on thanksgiving.

and ham.

with my mom's honey glaze.

which is not what this post is about.

"oh-oo"
translation: yogurt.
that might not be what he says, but he says something like that standing by the fridge, and when i open it he goes straight for the yoplait.
the pork loin ate too much yogurt yesterday.
he is suffering the consequences this morning.
enough said.
he wants it morning, noon, and night.
sometimes i let him.
sometimes i don't.
yesterday i did.
now i feel badly.
at least it's snowing.
the weather has a lot of making up to do for missing my birthday.
it's doing a fairly good job.
i've woken up to fresh snow two mornings in a row.
one more morning and i'll consider last week's lack forgotten for another year.
i can't make any promises beyond that.
...
in other news...
the pork loin talks.
a lot.
but not around adults.
mainly with his friend wilder.
my child that i thought was mute is linguistically blessed around wilder.
it's funny.
Dr. N told me my weight gain is great.
bless him.
he then told me to enjoy the holiday season and gain a little extra for it.
bless him double.
the receptionist told me she liked my tummy.
i love them at Dr. N's office.
they were extra good for the soul yesterday.
the pork loin sounds snotty this morning.
our 3 week streak of health is coming to an end.
maybe this means we'll be healthy again by christmas???!!!
the scout master has 3 official days of classes left of physical therapy school.
but he doesn't graduate until may.
2 final internships are next.
we are excited.
i pushed around bob strollers with bree at usa baby on saturday.
it was fun.
they really know their stuff at usa baby.
the scout master and i went to our first open house.
it made me want to buy a house.
it also made me feel like an adult.
and weird, like i was invading someone's privacy by opening their closets.
so i would open a cabinet really fast and then close it really fast.
and it was just uncomfortable for me.
then it made me want to rent for the rest of my life.
the pork loin is getting his iron checked this morning.
he was a little low last time.
adieu.

sharing with compliance

this is what was going on behind me. i was feeling so awesome.
best mom ever.
brennan and wilder were playing so great with the dino's.
no one was hitting.
everyone was sharing with compliance.
and then they learned how to open the tv armoire.
and they found the cars dvd.
and now i'm just the same mom today as i was yesterday.
the one that gives in and let's them watch a show b/c darn it, it's 16* outside, and a movie just sounds good.
today's fears:
1. my house will be messy after baby #2. it's not the mess i'm actually worried about. i can do messy. it's the worry that i will be so tired that it will bother me then, when it wouldn't bother me now.
2. that my toddler, who has recently become extremely destructive when he's bored, will tear my house apart. i think this is more of a control issue than anything else. i will be nursing a baby, unable to move, and my toddler will be getting into "mommy's drawers" in the kitchen, and i won't be able to do a dang thing about.
3. that i will be nursing a baby in the morning, just wanting to sleep, but my toddler will be demanding my attention right at that moment. how do i feed both babies?
4. that i will want to go somewhere, but that by the time we are all fed, dressed, and put together it will be time to feed someone again.
5. that nursing might be just as hard the second time around.
6. that i will want to put the baby back inside of me after a week and go back to just the 1.
7. that i will become a hermit.
8. that brennan will hurt the new baby.
9. that i will neglect someone. brennan, new baby, sean, me, friend. you name it, someone's getting left out at some point.
10. that all of the things i swear i will never do when i have 2 kids, i will end up doing.
11. that brennan will be completely bored out of his mind, and i will have no energy to do anything about it.
12. that everything is going to change. (i realize this is inevitable.)
13. that i have to get on the scale today at the doctor, and that it bothers me, when it never did when i was pregnant with brennan.
ok, i feel better now that that's all out:-)
...
the scout master has requested "more videos" on the blog.
i give you,
the egg game.
30 second peek of what we did for over half an hour.