"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Sunday, August 23, 2015

sufficiently scarred for life, with big fat smiles on our faces

i remember this used to be fun.
buying school supplies.
getting school supplies.
at Long's!
sandie always took us to Long's.
and then i'd go home,
lay it all out on the floor,
and get my backpack all ready for the first day of school.
OH HOW I LOVED DOING THIS!!!!
thrilling! it was just SO thrilling!
well this year,
it wasn't thrilling.
i had this great idea of what it was going to look like though.
brennan and i were going to go get popcorn and an icee,
and we were going to have this amazingly wonderful and bonding school supply shopping experience. just like when i was a kid.
well folks, it wasn't.
it just WASN'T.
brennan was running all over the place,
throwing things in the cart that we didn't need,
asking for EVERYTHING we passed by for in the store,
and i stood there wondering where my magical back to school shopping moment had gone.
plus, i was in a rush.
because we had not just one giant school supply list we needed to shop for this year, 
but TWO giant school supply lists we needed to shop for this year,
which i couldn't print out because my printer was out of ink {my printer is STILL out of ink},
so i had to take a picture of the lists and my phone kept screen saving itself,
and i'd have to go back in and search through the pictures and try to figure out where i was on the list again,
and also brennan wanted boxers not underwear.
which of course were thrown all over the place from the madness which is back to school shopping at the end of july.
and i just kept huffing and puffing, and swearing to myself i would never wait this long to back to school shop ever again,
and also i was worried about needing to get home to feed dean
and dinner that needed to be cooked,
and kids that needed to be bathed, 
and lotioned, 
and read to, 
and tucked in, 
etc ETC etc! 
and so i rushed him,
and rushed him,
and rushed him.
and at one point, after we had to leave the school supply section 
AT THE VERY BACK OF THE STORE 
to go to the bathrooms 
AT THE VERY FONT OF THE STORE
{after i had ALREADY ASKED HIM AT THE FRONT OF THE STORE if he needed to go pee},
i ran over his little fingers.
because of course he was laying on the bottom of the cart.
yep.
and i remember feeling irritated that he had let me run over his fingers.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LET ME RUN OVER HIS FINGERS!
this is what i was thinking.
{or maybe it was just me being mad at myself for letting him ride on the bottom of the cart where without fail, they always get their fingers run over by the cart? and maybe i just felt guilty that i let him ride in the bottom of the cart. even though i always let them ride in the bottom of the cart. just sayin, that was probably more of the reason why i was mad. i was just mad at me.}
and so there i was,
SUPER IRRITATED that i had run over his fingers with the cart,
and as i came around to the front of the cart, 
where he had pulled himself out from underneath, 
to scold HIM for ME running over his fingers with the cart {wait...what???},
i stopped.
i just stopped.
and i looked at him all curled up into a ball on the dirty laminate target floor,
crying. covering his face, crying.
and i just felt sad.
because here i was ruining it!
i was ruining back to school shopping with all of my rushing.
because i had stuff to do.
stuff that now, three weeks later, i can tell you it didn't even matter
{because the baby slept longer, and i didn't even make dinner, 
and really, they probably didn't even need a bath that night anyway}
so i took a deep breath right then and there,
looking at my sweet little about to be 2nd grader brennan whimpering on the floor,
and i looked up into the tops of my eyelids,
and pulled myself together.
i tell you,
i got down on that gross white floor with him,
put my arm around him all soft like,
and in my most remorseful voice was all,
"that looks like it hurts pal."
and his little eyes wouldn't even look at me.
and i'm just feeling really REALLY sheepish now.
and so i was all, "i'm really sorry i've been rushing us. do you think we could start over?"
and he nodded a little bit,
and i was feeling like maybe i was handling this better now,
except even though he got up and gave me a hug,
he still wouldn't look me in the eyes.
so we walked through the store all quiet like for the next few minutes,
picked up the rest of the stuff on the list he needed.
grabbed some milk from the refrigerator section,
and we started walking back to the front of the store to the checkout.
and i think we were both just still feeling pretty crummy.
he was feeling crummy because his finger was all black and blue and throbbing,
and also his mom had kind of been acting like a big jerk the whole time,
and i was feeling really crummy that i didn't have time to take my kids school shopping,
and that i had been acting like a big jerk the whole time.
and that's when he spotted the mine craft hat.
and in my head i was all,
gasp! mine craft hat!
we could buy the mine craft hat!
and then i was all,
CRAP! 
i can't buy the mine craft hat!!!!
if i buy the mine craft hat,
i'm buying him off!
and i can't buy him off...
wait, can i???
my head is spinning now.
and that's when i started envisioning us on oprah in twenty years with dr phil, 
and brennan's all,
"my life was ruined at age 7 when my mom bought me off with a $10 mine craft hat" 
and all of the audience members are glaring at me, 
and shaking their heads like they do on that show,
and oprah is all "and how does that make you feel emily? KNOWING that you ruined your child at AGE 7? AGE 7!!!" all high and mighty you know. 
and i can see myself sitting there with my cup of water and the silver straw they gave out to guests in the golden years of the show, 
and that's when they cut to commercial to let me collect myself or something really dramatic like that.
{i'm still in denial that she's off the air--OWN doesn't count. i just pretend it's on at 4pm everyday, and that i just forget to record it, and that's why it's not on my DVR--no judgement please. 
i'm IN denIAL! just let me be in denial}.
and that's when i all of a sudden SNAPPED back into reality,
and remembered:)
brennan had not one but TWO five dollar bills in my wallet.
$10 in my wallet!
the same price of the hat!
I REPEAT: THE SAME PRICE OF THE HAT!
that he had found in the pockets of some shorts he hadn't worn since last summer.
and had been patiently waiting to spend for weeks.
so i very calmly whipped those two five dollar bills out,
and all innocently was like,
"hey brennan, if you wanted to spend your $10 from the magic pants, 
i bet target has lots of $10 stuff, like.....OH! MAYBE LIKE THIS HAT!"
{take the bait kid, this was what i was thinking.}
and he was all,
"the hat costs the same as what i have?"
and i was all,
"yep pal, it does. in fact it's one penny less!"
{forget about the tax folks, FORGET ABOUT THE TAX!}
and so my friends, that day at target,
we put all of our school supplies, milk, and mine craft hat up on that black conveyor belt,
sufficiently scarred for life, with big fat happy smiles on our faces.
and i guess we'll just have to wait and ask his therapist in twenty years if his life was ruined by two five dollar bills in target, the day his mom ran over his fingers, and secretly bought him off unknowingly with the green mine craft hat.
until then,
i'm just always going to remember how that dang mine craft hat 
and the money from the magic pants saved our back to school shopping day.
our back to school FINGER RUNNING OVER fiasco of a day.
ok?
ok:)

1 comment:

Amy Involuntary said...

Poor guy. My kids like to ride on the bottom of the cart, too. Superman style. But I always warn them to keep their hands away from the wheels because my fingers got run over a lot as a kid. And good gracious, bless that Mine Craft hat, and the magic pants!!!