"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Saturday, April 27, 2013

i've got you babe {climb on}

oh today!
it was just the most wonderful day.
the kids woke up and fought all through breakfast,
except chase,
he just ate his banana and drank his milk,
and then yelled at me until i brought him his scrambled eggs,
then he ate those too,
and then he was happy.
i did my hair and makeup and gathered all of my plans for tonight on a blank piece of white printer paper.
along with every gift card i've been hoarding since before christmas.
b/c when you're anniversary falls on a wednesday,
you celebrate on saturday:)
and oh i planned a day!
starting at 2pm.
we started off with rock climbing.
i thought i was going to just walk right in and repel myself around.
who knew it was actual exercise to climb???
aMAZing exercise.
b/c you don't even feel like you're exercising.
at least not until you can't lift your arms or hold yourself in standing position.
then you think, "oh hey, i think i'm exercising."
after an hour of climbing up and down and around,
our arms were complete jello.
i told sean i didn't think i would even be able to lift my fork up to my mouth during dinner.
not to worry, i could.
the first time i climbed up on the wall i had a hard time letting go.
my inner control freak was waving its panic flag.
i just kept looking down and thinking that someone should really be watching us to make sure we were doing it right,
and what about those ropes,
accidents happen!
and that's when it hit me,
i just needed to trust that sean had my back.
and to just get over my worries b/c he had everything under control.
and i thought about how i didn't even plan for rock climbing to be about strengthening our actual relationship.
i just thought it would be something a really cool wife would do.
you know,
take her husband rock climbing.
and it was.
SOOOOO super "100-30-17" cool.
as brennan would say.
except for the harness all up and around your butt and stuff.
i'm pretty sure i looked liked tom cruise in mission impossible 2 climbing those walls,
except i'm sure i didn't actually look like that in real life,
but my brain thought i did,
so i did.
the first time i climbed up i turned around about a third of the way up, 
and realized that maybe i was scared of heights.
b/c man my stomach was telling me i was.
and so i just sailed my way back down to the ground.
man, i love the coming back down.
so free.
so absolutely care free.
like an up and down swing.
but up on that wall, where you're hanging on,
and you think your arms are the only things holding you up,
and then you remember that even though your instincts are telling you that you're going to fall and hit the ground,
your brain knows you're not.
b/c you've got this awesome rope,
and awesome guy named sean keeping you safe.
the second time i made it halfway up,
but was still just too scared to go all the way up.
i mean, one little rope and one little caribeaner and a rope that could just slip right out!
after two attempts i finally decided i was going to go to the very top.
and i wasn't going to look back.
and when i finally got to the top, 
i looked out of the roof window and saw the jordan river temple.
and it was gorgeous.
and then i looked down and saw sean looking back up at me.
and i knew that i could just let go and i wouldn't fall.
my arms felt like they were going to melt off of me they were so tired.
you're supposed to say take, but i just yelled that i was "coming down now."
and then i heard sean yell up "i've gotcha ya."
and i let go and i just hung up there in the air, twirling around on my rope,
free as i could possibly be.
and i felt like i was a kid.
not a care in the world,
and i knew that sean had me.
and i was all, "everybody should do this with their spouse!"
and then i thought about how i am so cheesy and melodramatic sometimes.
and then it was sean's turn,
and when he was coming down my hair got caught in the belay thing like a piece of fabric going up the wrong way in a sewing machine.
i was almost in a pickle with it too,
but the instructor walked by just as it was getting sucked through 
and grabbed onto the rope to give it slack until my hair was threaded out.
with sean hanging up at the very top of the rock in the air,
and he was all, "i was just coming over to tell you to watch out for your hair getting stuck."
and i was all, "yeah, thanks for coming by!"
really dodged the bullet on that one folks.
that's for sure.
so finally after an hour, our arms stopped working,
and that's when we realized that our legs had pretty much stopped working too,
so we decided to call climbing quits,
SHOPPING was next:)
and OH let me tell you,
it was the kind of shopping day you LIVE for.
where everything you loved fit,
like AMAZING fit.
and you found everything you loved the minute you walked into the store.
do you know those days?
i found polka dot pants and mint green pants, and maxi skirts galore.
and i told sean how i totally remembered how much i used to LOVE shopping,
for days just like these.
and then i changed into my new skirt and shirt in the parking lot of bucca's,
in between two different couples walking by.
almost giving the second lady quite the show.
then we stuffed ourselves with pasta, raspberry cream sodas, calamari, and eggplant parmigiana.
and completed our night with a movie on the silver screen.
the jackie robinson one.
and the entire way home we talked about it.
what we thought,
how it made us think about the past, the present, and the future,
and it just reminded me about how when you're doing great things,
sometimes it doesn't feel like anyone else thinks you're doing great things,
but you're STILL doing great things.
and i just couldn't stop telling sean how i just love that we are doing great things.
{and about how i couldn't believe how sore i was from climbing.
but not in a complaining way,
just in a who knew we were going to exercise today kind of way.}
{sean is the cutest.}

BIG thanks to: 
linsey YA-YA tanner, 
and mary 
for taking care of our little kiddos all day.
you were the filling in our pie.
the baseball in our pitch.
the....right, just stop...;)
{while we were gone. how cute are all of those cousins of ours?}
{mary holding chase, max in outfit number 2-still haven't heard about that yet-
and 2 ruff's with brennan on the swings. man, i love them.}
{i think i might sleep in my new skirt. no really.}

5 year old fashion

navy cords and a byu jersey.
"b/c i look super 100 cool for preschool now."
have mercy.
5 year old fashion.
at least he dressed himself.
and changed his own underwear.

Thursday, April 25, 2013


we like to announce that on Saturday the Twentieth day of April, 
in the year of Two Thousand and Thirteen,
we have finally taken down our christmas lights.
{hold your applause please. but not your apple sauce. please drop off your applesauce.}
despite the temptation to just leave them up,
seeing as it will be time again to put them up in a mere 7 months,
we could not put our pride aside.
sooooo tempting.

dear max

dear max,
every day this week you have gone into my closet before you even go pee in the morning to try on 5 different pairs of my shoes.
then you finally go pee, and try on five more.
at which point you start to peruse through my jewelry.
you broke three of my necklaces in one day.
i didn't get mad at you,
{seriously, i give myself an A+ for that one},
but i don't let you wear my necklaces anymore,
i did however find a slew of necklaces that i don't mind if you break.
so you wear those.
but still ask me to wear my nice fancy ones.
and i start to think i should let you.
b/c you ask really sweet and all,
but then i remember how you broke 3 in one day,
and i decide to not let you.
you are always nice about it too.
and you really love the others i rounded up anyway.
especially the three pack of plastic heart ones we got from walmart for valentine's day for 99 cents.
those are your favorites.
and they match all of your outfits.
it's soooooooo cute.
you left one in the nursery closet at church on sunday,
but you told the nursery leaders it was fine b/c you had lots more at home.
that's a direct quote.
you have asked me to paint your fingernails and toe nails every day for the past three days.
you wanted red the first day.
pink the second day.
and pink the third day.
the red dried fast and you went on your way.
we had to paint the pink three times on the second day b/c it was slow drying and you kept knocking your toes and fingers into each other and table and smudging the paint completely off.
you got really sad.
so i kept painting them.
and then they dried,
and you said you were happy again.
and then you ran off to show dad and brennan.
i didn't paint your nails pink the third day.
but i did let you go through my make up and do yours and mine,
except mascara b/c let's be honest,
i have lines i must draw,
and it's at mascara.
it makes my eyes itch anyway.
i love you,
{lining up your favorite pairs of shoes, with one for the road.}
{9am mani/pedi per your request}

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

nine {heartbeats fast}

The day we met,

frozen I held my breath.
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found the home for my
Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow


One step closer...

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 
For a thousand years 
I love you for a thousand more 

Time stands still 
Beauty in all she is 
I will be brave 
I will not let anything take away 
What's standing in front of me 
Every breath 
Every hour has come to this 
One step closer..." 

"...I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 
For a thousand years 
I love you for a thousand more 

And all along I believed I would find you 

Time has brought your heart to me 
I have loved you for a thousand years 
I love you for a thousand more 

One step closer 
I love your for a thousand more
One step closer..." 

"...I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 
For a thousand years 
I love you for a thousand more 

And all along I believed I would find you 
Time has brought your heart to me 
I have loved you for a thousand years 
I love you for a thousand more."

-"a thousand years" 
by christina perri
i love with you.
and for always.
my sean sean.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

when the dog bites, when the bee stings.

rub a dub dub,
3 men in a tub.
or 2 plus max.
chase gets beat up.
but he holds his own,
and secures his own territory,
sometimes multiple territories,
and he drinks all of the bath water.
it's gross.
brennan and max love to wash his hair.
they especially like to give him "weird hair."
and then request their own to be done the same way.
sometimes he has to hold his breath,
not his hair,
and he almost always end up swallowing even more bath water while they do it.
but he never cries.
ok, almost never.
what a little champ:)
i let them soak in the suds like this until chase starts crying 
b/c i won't let him dump another cup of water out of the tub again,
and then the other two get to play a little while longer while the dirty bath water drains,
and by the time i have chase all lotioned, dressed, and hair combed,
max is crying, and brennan is demanding a towel for his eyes.
these are a few of my favorite things:)
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad..."

i can remember my aunt mary singing this song to me 
when i was a little girl, 
trying to fall asleep in my grandparent's house in iowa.
i don't remember if it was summer or not.
i just remember laying in the bed by the window,
the tree just outside,
with the hall light dim in the background,
and her dark curly hair,
great big smile,
and hardwood floors.
i tried to sing it to brennan and max while they were falling asleep tonight,
but i always get lost at bright copper kettles and skip to brown paper packages tied up with strings.
it works out awesome that my kids don't know the words.
that way i can skip around to girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
and snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
{my VERY favorite part},
b/c i always forget the cream colored ponies and silver white winters,
but i always
the chorus.
and when the dog bites.
and when the bee stings.
and then 
i don't feel soooooo bad!

truth or dare

truth or dare: itch your armpits like a monkey for 10 seconds. 
5 year olds are funny.
he doesn't get the truth part.
max doesn't get the dare OR the truth part.
but she always chooses truth.
it's SUPER DE-DUPER funny.
100 funny.
in the words of brennan.

Monday, April 22, 2013

if only trees could grow at the speed of my heart.

these kids.
they inspire me.
they make me want to feel the sun on my face,
and breathe the air deep into my lungs.
they make me want to create.
they make me want to smile.
they make me laugh.
they make me cry.
they make me burst from happiness
and frustration
and happiness again.
we're gonna need a tree.
with a rope.
i wish trees could grow at the speed of my heart.
b/c if they could,
one would miraculously appear in my backyard tomorrow.
complete with a rope.
and a tire swing.
and if we're talking miracles here,
i might as well include a tree house too.
if only trees could grow at the speed of my heart.

"once there was a tree...
and she loved a little boy.
and every day the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns 
and play king of the forest.
he would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
and they would play hide-and-go-seek.
and when he was tired,
he would sleep in her shade.
and the boy loved the tree...
very much.
and the tree was happy."
the giving tree
-by shel silverstein-
like i said,
we're gonna need a tree...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

on this day today

on this day today,
i wish it could be spring and blossoms all year long.
the sun leaving freckles on my irish face,
with swinging and fluffy green grass for my feet to stand in.