"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Saturday, April 11, 2009

"i left my heart in..."

"i left

my heart
in half moon bay...."
is that not how the song goes?????
that was my rocking chair.
so precious.
stay tuned for more of our magical easter trip!
highlights to come:
the city (no, not with whitney port)
the country club
easter egg hunts
catholic mass
devilled eggs
a big red bridge
some sand
and a partridge and a pear tree.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

we are missing letters C, P, V, & #9

we are missing letters C, P, V, and the number 9.
there are several options i am looking into.
#1 under the fridge
#2 pork loin's digestive system
(letter P has not been ruled out completely for this)
#3 trash
we will keep you updated on our findings...

5 whole minutes of bliss

what are you willing to let your child do for you to have 2 min. to yourself?

this is what i agreed to this morning.
it was a glorious 5 whole minutes.
like the red nail polish i spilled in the basket? i thought the lid was on...it wasn't.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

vote for emilisq!

thanks for nominating me amy!
you can go here AND here to vote.
amy nominated me for 2 categories.
you rock amy:-)
come one people, i'm up against dooce! lol

i just got puked on

child is naked.
my hair is wet.
i just got puked on.
we both got puked on.
one of the said person's was the pukee.
it was not me.
i had not eaten breakfast yet.
the pukee....well, let's just say he ate well this morning.
so my robe is in the wash with the pork loin's jammies.
my hair has been rung out.
motrin was given.
we're not sick.
the pukee is actually quite cheerful.
what happened?
easter eggs.
the pukee climbed up onto the treadmill and threw his easter eggs between said exercise equipment and the wall.
pukee does not have depth perception.
slammed his head into the wall.
i think the neighbors felt their walls rumble.
that's how hard he hit.
then came the silence.
from hurting yourself so hard it knocks the wind out of you?
then came the wail.
more gasping.
more wailing.
and then.....
the puking.
one big fell puke.
this is good news though.
i needed to wash some extra things from yesterday and didn't have a reason to do a load.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

i think i had Postpartum Depression.

i think i had Postpartum Depression.

pork loin, 2 weeks old, skinny loin, before AZ
mainly b/c of all of this:

brennan, 8 weeks of age, before AZ

i was amazed that i had this adorable little bundle, but i remember wishing i could have had someone else's baby.
this sounds insane to me now!
there was a baby born in our neighborhood 2 weeks before the pork loin.
when brennan was 5 weeks old i finally took him to church for the first time.
not b/c i necessarily wanted to.
i guess i did want to.
i wanted to show off my cutie pie.
i wanted to be around people.
i wanted to get out of my house.
i think i was secretly hoping someone would save me.
this couldn't possibly be normal.
doesn't someone have some sort of drug or mommy trick?
i knew someone would tell me something simple to do.
i must have missed something.
there must have been something the nurses at the hospital had forgotten to tell me.
brennan would cry for 4-5 hours a day.
it was awful!
i coped.
i survived by making a perch out of our recliner chair.
everything i needed was within an arms reach.
remotes, water, snacks, burp clothes, blankets, heater, books, binkies.
i would rock brennan for hours to get him to sleep while he screamed bloody murder.
the picture above is very reminiscent of the first 10 weeks of brennan's life.
AND basically reminiscent of how i felt inside.
so when i took him to church at 5 weeks i could barely hold the sobs in.
i just wanted to cry. hard.
but i didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong.
yet deep down i knew something was.
i thought i was just doing something wrong.
that i really didn't have that mothering instinct thing they talked about.
someone else could definitely be doing this better.
but i didn't want to go home.
so for 3 hours of church brennan screamed and i smiled.
trying to not burst into tears.
we have this one hour of church where all of the women meet together and discuss a specific church topic each week. it's this wonderful society of women, and i was terrified of what they would think.
so this baby born 2 weeks before brennan?
he slept. in his car seat. his mom rocked him.
who happens to be my good friend
the entire time, not a peep. i remember wishing i could trade! trade their personalities. trade secrets. how did she get him to do that???????

i think i told her about this? i hope soooo....otherwise reading it on the blog for the first time...awkward!
why me? why did i have to get this screaming one?
this is WAY harder than teaching.
i was exhausted.
run down.
at 3 weeks old i told sean i just wanted to put him back inside for one night.
i was too overwhelmed.
and ready to lose it.
on top of not being able to get my baby to stop crying, nursing was not going well.
i didn't have enough milk. nursing was excruciating.
i had always heard newborns slept all of the time.
you could go to movies, lunches, and basically relax.
my child always cried. always.
he screamed, and i couldn't get him to stop.
so many people had advice.
which made me feel even worse b/c i felt like i had no idea what i was doing.
i was embarrassed.
and i felt isolated.

why did no one tell me that babies don't always fall asleep when they're tired?????
these were my pre-blogging days, although i doubt i would have opened up about it then
thank goodness for grandmothers.
all of the dreams i had of motherhood were not being fulfilled.
when brennan was 8 weeks old we took two trips: iowa & arizona.
arizona saved us!!!
my sister in law saw what was going on and told me in a loving way, "this has to stop."
she helped us sleep train brennan, took me to a breastfeeding store, and helped me begin leading brennan as a parent, rather than just following him.
i began looking at motherhood as something i could do.
i practiced proactive parenting, rather than reactive parenting.
"parent-led" was a phrase we got to know well.
finally brennan was napping in his crib.
this sounds like it was all of a sudden and easy, but it was not.
however, it was SOOO worth it.
by 6 months of age i began to feel well again.
nursing was no longer hurting.
i felt confident.
i knew what my child needed.
i finally got to enjoy him.
which is exactly what i've been doing ever since.
so if you think i'm ultra positive and optimistic, maybe even unrealistic about life and motherhood, you're right.
i am.
b/c i'm soaking up every second.
and when the tough and not so enjoyable seconds happen i have the memory of how challenging things were in the beginning to appreciate how great things are now.
i've realized life is for the taking.
so i am reaching out and grabbing for it.
and i learned far too much about nursing and milk supply. apparently my nickname is "emily, she's your breastfriend."
so if you need help in that department, i'm your breastfriend;-)

the story of a runner who hated running

i just ran 4 miles.
with the pork loin in the jogger.
i know, most of you "don't run."
remember when i wrote about it here?
i used to not run.
i used to HATE running.
i know, you've heard this before, but today i was running.
and thinking of all of you "non-runners."
trying to find the words to motivate you to run.
b/c it brings me such empowerment.
there's just nothing more powerful than an empowered woman.
so i thought about why i didn't like running.
in the 7th grade they made us run the mile on fridays.
oh how i LOATHED it.
my best friend, tara, she was this stick thin runner.
she did the mile in 6 or 7 minutes.
it was amazing.
i huffed and puffed in at around 15 min.
it was embarrassing.
i wished i was faster.
so came high school.
early bird P.E.
my friend skye convinced me i should take it with her so we could be in choir.
so glad i did, but i am not a morning person.
so on tuesdays and thursdays we had to run this cross country course.
i have no idea how long it was,
but it felt like 10 miles.
i still LOATHED running at this point.
then it was off to college.
i wanted to be thin, so i took up running.
but i wanted to eat lots too. hello dorm food!
i think i ate tater tots with ranch and ketchup (ew, i know) at every meal.
oh, and the monstrous salads with lots of cheese and ranch.
so i went through this phase where i ran so i could eat lots.
but then i just got frustrated,
so i stopped eating and ran lots.
got reeeeeeeeeeeally skinny.
so unhappy though...skinny is supposed to make me happy right?
haha, that's funny!
so i kept running, but started eating again, but still was unhappy inside.
then i got close to God and got reeeeeeeeeeeeeally happy:-)
then i met sean.
then i got reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally in the running.
ran a half marathon in rexburg, idaho. one of my top 10 favorite memories.
then i had a baby.
started swimming.
missed running.
oh bless you devoted goddesses who are still reading;-)
started running again.
and here i was today.
rascal flatts in my ears.
pork loin in the jogger in front of me.
sun shining.
long stretches of pavement ahead.
running down this monstrous mountain i had just run up
(okay, it was just a small hill, but with a 26 pound baby in a jogger it felt more like a mountain)
i felt on top of the world.
and i remember how i hated running.
how i love it now.
so i smiled:-)
how did i get here?
i trained myself to persevere.
and i thought,
"isn't that what life's all about?"
training ourselves to persevere through our challenges.
i'll bet you would feel great if you got out there and did something you didn't know you could do.
like running.
go ahead!
i dare you.
what's the worst that could happen?
at least you could blog about it;-)


7:43pm-mom puts baby to bed
7:45pm-baby falls asleep
11:02pm-mom hears baby giggling & laughing in crib
11:03pm-mom watched FAVORITE reality show
12:01am-mom goes in to turn heater on in baby's room, finds baby awake and cheerful in crib
12:30am-after reading book for 30 min. mom still hears baby awake and playing, but attempts to fall asleep anyway
1:08am-mom gets baby from crib to cuddle with in recliner
1:25am-mom puts baby back in crib
2am-mom gets baby out of crib, feeds baby milk & ritz bitz (mom eats too, now SHE'S hungry)
2:25am-mom puts baby back in crib, baby still very cheerful and giggling
2:58am-mom wakes dad up (who has been peacefully sleeping for the last 4 1/2 hrs) to get baby, "tag, you're it!"
3am-mom & dad use sucker to clean out baby's nose
3:05am-dad puts baby back in bed
3:08am-mom, dad, & baby fall fast asleep
8:40am-mom & baby wake up, surprisingly cheerful

and now i'm thinking...maybe the stuffing in easter baskets is NOT such a good idea.
the eggs still rock.
thanks for the goodies gigi, brennan had a blast all morning:-)
he even knows how to open the eggs and put them back together.
so coordinated;-)

Monday, April 6, 2009

dance dance revolution

it's only a matter of time before one of you lucky people wins!

still in the running?

kate w, 6th (just barely in!)
keri, 9th (on her birthday)
stacy b, 10th
leah p. & silver fox/my dad, 12th
aunt dana, 13th
hastings, & leah c., 15th

kels, 20th (silly girl!)
tiff w, 24th (our anniversay!)
katie, 26th
fiauna, 27th
gigi, may 4
soon to be Mrs. D, may 12
dana, may 21

Sunday, April 5, 2009

cinderella...in the princess kind of way

the finished product,
complete with ties
& a sash in back.
sean took this shot above.
he said i looked cute.
how could i not pose after that?

i feel like cinderella tonight...
in the princess kind of way.
remember the pink sash that tied on her pretty pink dress?
now, about those mice...
if i made 'em, would you buy 'em?
how much would you want to pay?

i don't like patterns.

i don't like patterns.
i love to sew.
i bought some fabric last october.
i had plans.
i cut the fabric.
and it sat.
until last night.
leah came by to save the day.
she doesn't like patterns either.
she loves to sew too.
so we improvised.
i like ours better.

girl's night during priesthood session is my favorite night of the year.
good thing it comes around twice;-)
especially b/c no matter how late i stay up,
i get to wake up and make all of this.
(which is a good thing!)
3 c. flour
1 tbls baking powder
2 sticks unsalted butter (room temp)
1/3 c. water
1/4 c. & 2 tbls sugar
3 eggs
1. beat butter until pale and fluffy (abt. 1 min)
2. add eggs, beat until mixed
3. add flour, baking powder, & sugar
4. mix with wooden spoon
5. add water, blend with hands
6. put on cookie sheet (i like them big!)
7. bake 15 min. at 350, then decrease to 325 for 10 min.
8. serve with raspberry butter & honey!
raspberry butter
2 sticks butter (room temp)
12-oz frozen raspberries, thawed
2 c. powdered sugar
*blend it all together and put in the fridge (or freezer if you need it fast!) to solidify for spreading.