that blasting music is quiet.

it's like all day long everything is so loud.

and for 30 minutes,

i don't hear anything but music.

in some warped way that blasting music is quiet.

and i have thoughts.

like actual thoughts.

that make me hear everything i can't hear the rest of the day.

and i like it.

cause what if you need a new roof?

i blame the solar salesman 

at the front door.

right at dinner time.

god bless him bc he was REAL{ly} kind and all.

but man,

the tortilla had to volunteer as tribute on this one.

also,

apparently solar is the new hot thing.

and it makes me think about when the mom in back to the future put the tiny pizza in the microwave,

and then it came out big and that was how pizzas were supposed to be cooked in 2023 or something like that.

except maybe we'll all have solar on our roofs in 2075.

what do you do when you need a new roof though?

cause they asked me how old was roof was,

and it made me not want solar ever.

cause what if you need a new roof?

like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me {dean}

i sat outside with my kids in the sun after school.
putting the batman cape on dean about 50 times to try to take a picture of him wearing it,
and he just kept tearing it off.
i kept holding the camera up and then putting it on him to see if i could snap a pic before he tore it off.
didn't work.
#anythingfortheshot
so we sat there in the sun.
grass in our toes.
feeling like it's summer.
and it hit me.
dean is the baby.
for the first time ever,
i felt it.
what the other moms talk about when they say they are done.
i don't know, maybe i'm not done, maybe it was a fluke,
but today, i sat there staring at dean with chase slurping a grape popsicle {me worrying he would get it on my new white capri jeans},
brennan jumping on the tramp with ross,
and maxine taking a shower inside,
and i just felt like everything in my heart was satisfied.
like some mellow dramatic page had turned inside of me.
and i was happy.
this baby.
he melts me.
more than any other baby i've had before.
he cuddles his little auburn head into the nook of my neck and lays there for minutes.
looooooong drawn out minutes.
when he gets hurt,
usually from one of the big kids body slamming him,
or slamming the knight castle or bat cave into his nose {they drew blood today on the poor chap},
he does this cry that breaths in fast three times with a whimper at the end,
and i can't help but think there won't ever be a person on the planet that will need me like that ever again.
and it's heaven.
god gave me heaven.
with the four little gibbies and sean sean.