"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Friday, December 4, 2009

chipped nails

i used to be embarrassed over chipped nails.
i remember taking off my nail polish and repainting them while driving myself to school in high school.
dad and sandie are sighing right about now.
makes texting while driving not seem so bad, lol.
how do teenagers survive until 18????
maybe it's the sparkle.
maybe it's the christmas red.
but i find my chipped nails charming today.
like the little lines i've noticed around my eyes and next to my smile.
they remind me of the scout master's knots on his scout shirt.
i sewed them on.
along with all of his other patches.
only to find out i will have to pick them out and re-sew them in a different order as he gains new patches.
the organization of the scout shirt patches was obviously not decided by a woman.
and most definitely not by the people who are actually sewing the patches on the scout shirts.
if it had, they would be added on and left right there.
not added on, picked out, and re-sewn 2 inches to the left 3 months later to make room for the next advancement.
the sewing is fun, but really, efficiency people.
so these lines around my eyes and next to my smile.
they are my patches of motherhood.
or life.
and it's all charming.
at least, that's what i see when i see them.
a little piece of my brennan right there on my face.
the good and the bad.
and it's beautiful.
absolutely beautiful.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

it's not easy talking about nice things.

pretty sure he thought it was his birthday.
french fries and soda for 1st lunch (compliments of amanda, muchas gracias!).
a 2nd lunch of whatever he asked for on the counter top.
he chose two spoonfuls of peanut butter, grapes, gerber cheese puffs, and milk.
about 6 hours of cartoons and movies throughout the day.
he was in pure toddler heaven.
the key to having a happy birthday in motherhood is giving your toddler anything they want, lol.
coldstone peanut butter ice cream bliss cake.
sean's parents delivered it, with presents galore.
we licked the plate after the cake was gone.
ann marie stopped off with the book barnes and noble has been sold out of for months.
can't wait to start it!
then i opened my prized mailed birthday cards from the rest of the out of state family.
oh, the excitement of getting mail.
in a mailbox!
not just my inbox.
spoiled to the fullest.
the scout master prepared tacos.
came home early.
my wish?
my secret;-)
and THIS ONE i'm keeping to myself.
i promise, it's NOT what you're thinking it was.
i died laughing from these.
can we say,
"sugar coma" below???!!!
it's not easy talking about nice things.
i think this may just be a bad habit of mine.
or a good habit, depending on your opinion.
when i get together with my girlfriends i find myself griping about the things that bug me.
the drama.
why is the drama easier to talk about?
the juicy, hot gossip!
someone i don't know.
some awful story i've heard on the news.
the things i'm worried about.
there's definitely something to be said for the woman's spirit to connect with other women and their experiences.
to learn from what they have to say.
a friend has often been my best teacher.
a part of it seems to get me to stop worrying about the things i've been worrying about.
my current fears?
a. that i will NOT think my new baby is as adorable as brennan.
b. that i will love brennan less or think the new baby is "better."
c. that i will love them the same and be bugged with myself for worrying about it at all.
i realize all 3 are ridiculous and completely "normal."
the feelings are there.
i'm sure they'll work themselves out after a few post pardom meltdowns;-)
the post pardom meltdowns i'll share with my girlfriends.
the ones that will buoy me up and make it all better.
i'm not saying it's bad to talk about these sorts of things.
i just found myself wondering today (as i was waiting for the green turn signal to light up into wells fargo), why it's easier to chat about the drama and the gossip when the conversation is in a lull.
nothing to talk about?
bring on the drama conversations.
why do i love it so much?
why is it so intriguing?
does this make me boring?
high maintenance?
i'm sure my anonymous commenter will tell me it's because i'm lacking something meaningful in my own life.
maybe so.
aren't we all lacking at least something?
isn't that how we learn from each other?
what i'm lacking, my spouse, friends, and god make up the rest?
teach me to be better?
the uplifting "understanding" and "working through the problem" chit chat is the part i love the most.
it's good for the soul.
is that considered drama?
there's something exciting about the drama.
why, oh why?!
why do i talk about the characters on the hills and the city as if i know them???
like my opinion of their character matters.
"hello, my name is emily gibson, and i'm a reality tv junkie."
it's like i've forgotten what the other stuff is to talk about.
what do you talk about when you don't have any drama to talk about?
what am i talking about?
there always seems to be drama to talk about.
if it's not mine, it's tiger woods.
see what i mean? boring.
and no, i actually have NOT been talking about tiger woods.
i just saw a yahoo headline when i logged onto my email and listed it as reason 6 million 5 hundred thousand, and so forth reason of why i NEVER want to be famous.
i'm sure i'm an interesting person inside.
i know my thoughts are meaningful.
i've heard them myself;-)
yet i always jump to the drama with my girlfriends.
hopes, dreams, i should share more of those.
some of course are purely for the scout master's ears only, but others can be shared.
maybe i should talk more about food.
more "ah-ha" moments,
even though i really dislike that phrase.
more about the books i'm reading.
book clubs.
i love book clubs.
you get ma' dift.
maybe i should put in the "name that tune" and "tell me a word that rhymes with..." stuff.
and to be clear, i can't possibly cut out the drama.
it's exhilarating to hear it.
so be it, i love it.
maybe hearing your drama makes mine seem less important.
less excruciating.
not happy for your drama, just takes the focus off of mine.
helping you figure out yours sometimes helps me figure out mine.
like saying it out loud somehow manages to push me into better thoughts.
i don't know, it just seems that when i have to articulate it verbally things become more clearly.
or more confusing.
one or the other.
i just don't want to turn into the uninteresting person who can't remember what else to talk about other than the drama.
and yesterday walking with my friends i was struggling to bring up anything other than drama.
maybe yesterday i was uninteresting.
you win some, you lose some.

the 2nd.

i love december.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

a new rule.

i'm making a new rule.
wishes are to be made before the big day.
that way they can have enough time to come true.
i wish for snow.
i'd like a nice covering of thick fluff, and big flakes falling between 7:30am and 8:15am tomorrow morning.
1 out of 26 so far.
lucky 27??!!
not the best odds, i know.
especially with the weather forcast i especially tuned in for last night.
but a girl can dream.
can't she??!!
and i really did blow my candle out.
closed my eyes and everything for added luck.
is 8:19am too early to open up the advent calendar?
i think not;-)
welcome december.

so glad you're here.
PBS, i understand you need to earn money for your station, but why did you choose 8am to do your fundraising.
i don't watch you that early.
i barely even listen.
ok, that's a lie.
i know all of the songs and names of the characters.
the pork loin really watches though.
and super why is not on.
your talking people are on.
and super why is not.
did i mention super why is not on?
let's not let this happen again.

Monday, November 30, 2009

lucky 13

things i've noticed in the last week:
1. eating while leaning back is now a key part of any meal.
2. kirkland dryer sheets can easily be confused with ladies perfume or men's cologne.
3. i found brennan's squirt gun in the toilet this morning. AWESOME:-)
4. slouching is just not an option (this makes the scout master pleased).
5. my belly is officially at the perfect size. this is why:
a. people still look at you like,
"oh, what a darling pregnant woman. i think i'll open the door for her."
(as opposed to one month from now when they will say/think, "oh, you look like you're dying.")
b. i feel like i'm pregnant, not carrying around a baby elephant.
c. shirts are now showing a ball, not a lumpy pillow.
6. i am more hungry at breakfast and lunch, and full faster at dinner.
7. if the lights on my christmas tree can be on all day and all evening i can die a happy woman.
8. brennan takes a better nap if he goes to bed at 12:30pm instead of 1pm. why? i do not know.
9. the burning feeling at the back of my throat has returned for pregnancy #2 at the end of the day on a regular basis. i've found that eating muddy buddies and drinking milk cures this ailment. when it's not there i think it's a good idea to still use said remedy,
just in case;-)
10. my bottom may have grown. i'm still undecided.
11. being on a strict budget actually makes the holiday season more enjoyable.
12. my toddler can survive on only 1 hour of tv in the mornings. i don't think i could survive with less than that, but i'm feeling great about getting it down to 1. afternoons are a different story. they depend on how well the toddler can play by himself while i make dinner and if he has had a good nap.
13. "ring around the rosie" is the pork loin's new favorite game. he does the fall down part really well, rolls around, does the worm (no joke, true story), and then hops up signing "more."

Sunday, November 29, 2009

i wore royal blue to church today.

there was also a tri-tip steak sandwich involved in the evening.
extra sauce.
notes to follow.
things i learned at this year's game:
i still get car sick in traffic.
tri-tip sandwiches are better with extra sauce.
glad i learned this the easy way.
by asking.
trend setter, wait and see.
very satisfying.
hot chocolate is better enjoyed when it doesn't burn your tongue.
still haven't learned this lesson completely.
my tongue is not uncomfortably burned, just slightly "cinged."
not enough to affect drinks and food today.
i'll consider that an accomplishment.
quarter backs can say really dumb things in post game interviews.
husbands are happier when their team wins.
i knew this already.
having family and friends to watch your child is priceless.
i should be a MasterCard commercial.
eating pizza at 9:30pm tastes better than at 6pm.
barges root beer is better from the bottle than the fountain.
this is not true for most sodas.
cold weather puts me in a good mood.
i knew this already.
so did you.
the scout master is handsome.
i knew this already too.
as noted previously, the cheerleaders made me want to grow my hair out.
i'm undecided this afternoon.
it's better not to talk about rivalry games at church.
everyone should know this already,
yet every year someone breaks the unspoken rule.
in the foyer.
and the halls.
trust me, it wasn't me.
just saying,
someone did.
i heard them.
walking around cougar stadium for a tri-tip sandwich and multiple bathroom breaks makes me one tired pregnant woman the next day.
i love college football.
especially when my team wins.
jumping up and down, while pregnant, with a full bladder is not recommended.
says me.
the end.