"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Friday, June 12, 2009

everything in slow motion

i have this dream where i can't open my eyes.
i try to peel them open, but end up walking around with my eyes closed, straining to see.
i also can never seem to walk.
everything is in slow motion.
i have to dig my toes into the ground and reach forward with my arms to propel myself forward.
i never seem to get very far.
i will lean my body forward with the arms "a going," just in time to slow down again.
kind of like the carts at IKEA.
we get the cart going straight and then off to the side we go.
i always end up twirling the cart around in a circle in an attempt to straighten us out.
i've even tried pushing it at a slant in the hopes that maybe a wheel is crooked.
i look around and see all of the other carts being pushed with ease.
it can't be that i get the same bad cart every time i go.
am i dreaming?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

thunder and lightening.

thunder and lightening.
why do i always say it in that order?
it sounds weird to say it the way it happens.
today i ran outside in the middle of a thunder/lightening/rain storm.
i thought i would make it back before it really whipped itself up.
i did not.
i wish you could really see how drenched i was.
how terrified i was.
how in my head i became very dramatic in praying i would not die from a lightening bolt.
funny how fear pulls those things out of us.

(don't mind my lazy eye. it doesn't always look straight forward. should have worn the patch more when i was 14.)

other mentionables...
my sous chef
we made grilled salmon last night.
silver fox's secret sauce recipe.
my CHERRY limeade
was absent a CHERRY.
this is unforgivable.
a picture for silver fox follows.
it's a Hawaiian luau in my dishwasher.
i like it better when i unload it and he's in his high chair.
he likes it better when he's in the dishwasher.
we compromise on some days.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


child that wanted to walk into a street with cars.
5 min. of waiting for child to stop kicking and screaming.
arms in car seat straps.
more screaming.
more kicking.
what's a mother to do?
laugh and take pictures.
humor solves all of life's ill moments.
toddler tantrum
not to be confused with baby tantrum.
very different.
much more comical.
much more.
(speaking from experience).

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

i lied about my age

it hailed a week or so ago.
big chunks.
we were out under the gazebo.
pork loin, s.d.gib, cousins galore.
all were in attendance.
it was the best seat in the house.
the pork loin couldn't help but walk out into the rain.
then it was like he forgot how to walk and got stuck.
so trusty sean went out to wheel him back in each and every time.
i feel young.
which is often hard to do in utah past the age of 21;-)
i feel 25.
i'm glad i'm not 14.
25 must be "young" in my mind b/c today while chatting with my girlfriend i mentioned how i was 25.
except i'm not.
i thought for a minute and said to myself,
"wait, i'm not 25. i think just lied about my age for the first time."
then i heard womanly voices of wisdom in my head,
"oh honey, you're still young, wait until you're my age! what i wouldn't give to be your age darling!"
do you know the "YA-YA SISTERHOOD" movie?
"what i wouldn't give to know what i know now, but still have those thighs!"
funny line.
i shrugged off the voices.
does my brain think i'm old?
why else would it spout out a lie like that?
i'm young, i'm vibrant!
and i think i'll just stay this way until i die.
don't worry, no need to tell me i'm young.
i already know i'm young,
but why did i say i was younger than i was?
it's funny really.
like doc holladay (sp?) dying at the end of tombstone with no shoes on (my favorite movie, remember?).
"this is funny."
an attitude of youth runs in my blood.
did you know my dad wake boards at 62?
he does tricks i am too wimpy to try.
which is pretty much every trick, but still, i'm just sayin...
he finally gave up heli-skiing this past year for a trip to visit us to ski park city.
we're rumored to have the "best snow on earth here."
i don't mind older age.
wisdom comes with age.
i rather enjoy wisdom.
although....i would like to fart in public someday and not be bothered about it.
i think you have to be at least 85 to get away with that...
but i'll still be "25" in my brain.
how about you goddesses???

Monday, June 8, 2009

i want to snorkel.

kels, plus 3
want to go to australia?
me too.
at least kels makes me want to go there when i read about all of her adventures.
how could this picture not make you want to snorkel???
check out my sister's travel blog here.
she's a great writer and photographer, with a snazzy sense of humor.
ok, i'm biased, but really, see for yourself.
unless it's a private blog.
which i can't remember if it is or not.
and can't figure out how to know if it is or not.
so be daring!
what have you got to lose;-)
and if you're at work, don't you need another excuse (besides facebook) to take a break from your mundane tasks?
don't worry, i won't tell your boss...
p.s. goddesses (& gents)!!!!
i cannot put ANGELS & DEMONS down!!! the plot is non stop action with twists and turns at every corner. will they ever find the antimatter?! what about the first church? would you go inside one of those chambers to sift through archives at the risk of running out of oxygen?! i hope you're reading with us.
click here if you want to start reading!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

a "good" baby.

brennan, 8 weeks old
i have this picture framed on my wall.
it's a reminder of how far we've come.
i actually smile when i see it.
it is one of my favorite pictures.
it defines my child for the first 8 weeks of his life.
and a few months after that too.
it's all hazy.
i was too tired to remember the details!
too exhausted from shoulders that ached from holding a child 12 hours a day.
for which i now hold to be sacred time we had as mother and son.
i hated when people would ask me,
"oh, is he a good baby?"
how does a mother answer that question?
i say "yes," and i feel like i'm lying.
i say "no," and i feel like i've betrayed my child.
of course he was a good baby.
maybe not "good" by the standard terms of:
sleeps more
eats more,
but "good" by the term of "he's my son and i love him lots" ;-)
i don't ask people that question any more.
i used to, until i realized how traumatic it can be for a mother who is struggling to figure out how their newborn works.
i always thought i would know my baby right away.
he'd been in me from the beginning, so i surely must know him.
but i still had to get to known him.
and figure out where the heck the missing instruction book was placed.
i know God must have sent one with the stork.
where did i put it...
so if you've asked that question, it's ok, just don't ask it anymore.
ask, "how are you doing?"
"oh my, babies can be exhausting."
it's kind of like the question,
"when is #2 coming guys?"
don't ask that.
"when's it time for kids?!"
don't ask newlyweds, couples that have been married for a few years, 10 years, whichever.
don't ask those questions.
they seem harmless.
they really are just for small talk.
but take my advice,
find something else to talk about;-)
b/c you never know.
like the weather.
that's always a good one.
i love the weather in utah in june.
it's hot one day and stormy the next.
there's nothing like a day of 85* followed by a thunderstorm to cool us off.
it's just lovely.
or loverly.
like the rain in spain.
how it stays mainly on the plains.
i think i just found my next sunday activity...
and please don't be offened.
or embarrassed.
just more wise.
more wise.