"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Friday, February 2, 2018

The Lost Poppers

Once upon a time, 
I did a pre-recorded segment on Good Things Utah.
It was Christmastime.
Nuff said.
So today, as I was finalizing my Super Bowl Spread menu,
I remembered I had never shared my Jalepeno Popper segment!
We filmed it in early December, but it aired the day after Christmas as part of the live show.
The work was done,
and I had the day off.
When I went to open my Instagram account {emiemiemi82},
low and behold it was flooded with messages from followers.
Almost a hundred messages!
And I sat there thinking,
"Why are there so many messages? What in the world did I post this morning?"
Then it hit me.
I was on tv and completely forgot.
Forgot to watch.
Forgot to tell anyone.
OH how I love technology and pre-recording haha.
So there you have it folks.
That's how the poppers got lost.
I blame Christmas completely.
But who knows,
had I remembered back then,
maybe I wouldn't have remembered to share this with you
for the
Then all would have truly been lost ;).
My favorite part about television is the magic.
You take something real, and television turns into something beyond your wildest dreams.
Usually in 4 minutes or less on my cooking segment.
Either way, I love rolling with the punches 
and having my hands in all of the behind the scenes action.
I think it's why I've loved being a mother to a lot of little babies all at once. 
You never quite know what the day will bring,
but you can always count on the fact that it will be exciting.

Click HERE for the link to the live show!

Jalepeno Poppers

1 bag mini peppers
1 package Goat, Havarti, and/or Blue Cheese
1 package Prosciutto or Bacon
Jalepeno Popper holder 
{OR wrap Prosciutto or Bacon over the top like a lid, 
and lay peppers on their sides in an aluminum lined baking pan or sheet} 

  1. Preheat Oven 400*.
  2. Cut the tops off of the peppers, and core them, so there are no seeds left.
  3. Stuff with cheese of your choice.
  4. Wrap with Prosciutto or Bacon {Prosciutto you don’t have to fasten on, but bacon needs tooth picks and is more laborious}.
  5. Bake in the oven @400* for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted.
  6. ENJOY!

Monday, January 15, 2018

free at last {not what you think}

the hardest things to write about are the things that hurt.
the things that you don't want anyone to see.
the reel that's in your head.
that never ending tug at your inside.
the one that you forget about in the busy.
the one that sits there waiting for you to have quiet.
so it can nag and nag and nag.
time always makes it go away.
not nag as much.
maybe it just numbs.
but sometimes time is so slow.
this past summer was a lot of that slow nagging for me.
i remember coming out of it in october.
right around the time this picture was taken.
like this haze had lifted.
i felt like i had lost and gained someone all at once.
it was like i had come out of a tornado, 
and everything was out of place,
but in a good way. 
it wasn't like i wanted it to go back.
ain't no mountain high enough LOL.
it felt good.
like reorganizing the furniture.
for so long this blog was about me writing about my life as a stay at home mom.
romanticizing everything from flipping tortillas to babies in the laundry basket.
so many good good years.
then overnight, everything changed.
at least it felt like that.
and i loved it.
still flipping tortillas and babies in the laundry basket, 
but there was more.
like this new love affair with my life.
seeing this person inside of me.
one that had always been there.
i think she has always been there.
i know she's always been there.
but i just hadn't let her come out to play for awhile.
maybe just parts of her at different times in my life,
but never all of her.
i hadn't ever really let her out of the yard.
and what i can't deny is one thing....
i felt so much shame and guilt letting that girl out.
it's painful really.
not because i felt like i was doing something wrong,
but because i was challenging myself and the things i thought.
i'm not talking about religion or core values.
nothing like that.
those things have all stayed the same.
i'm talking about how deeply inside of me,
 i was checking off a specific checklist of perfection every day.
and it wasn't like anyone was expecting this of me.
i've always been very driven.
a people pleaser really,
and codependent.
the girl without boyfriends with codependence issues.
it's funny isn't it?
and it wasn't like i didn't have joy in doing it.
the checklist.
because i did.
have joy in it.
{this is NOT about checklists}
it felt safe and comforting.
homemade dinner. check.
everyone bathed every day, hair combed. check.
home lunch with less than 5 ingredients. check.
not too much dessert. check.
perfect bedtime routine. check.
wipe the table the down after every meal. check.
laundry. check.
dishes. check.
clean house. check...or not {let's keep things real ha}
exercise 3x a week. check.
i didn't feel like i had to do it.
i just felt more calm doing it.
it made me avoid feeling any guilt or shame.
it was about controlling it all in my head i think.
i think most of us do that at one time or another.
maybe your checklists look different than mine.
maybe they come in another form.
now before you put this post into 
"another one of those self acceptance and letting go of perfectionism" posts, 
let me explain.
because i know i'm not alone.
why did i LOVE working so much?
why did i sacrifice so much to do it?
soooo many reasons.
seeing people walk again {true story},
people getting out bed HAPPY,
people drinking milk again bahaha #justsayin ,
people giving up dependencies they thought the needed to survive,
people feeling less pain,
people living more,
becoming a leader,
prayers being answered like nothing i've ever seen.
all divinely guided.
and miracles that so many of you will never see.
some too sacred to share.
others you've read about.
maybe YOU reading this right now are one of the tens of thousands of lives changed.
the ripple has gone so far.
but do you want to know what else i loved?
i loved that it freed me from the checklist.
not the one anyone else had created.
not one i hated.
one i LOVED.
one that had brought me great joy.
one that was keeping me from feeling guilt and shame.
read that again.
because here's the thing.
if you're controlling everything so you're not feeling the guilt and shame,
and you're living JUST SO,
how can you ever really grow?
how can you ever really feel?
how can you ever REALLY become anything more?
there's something to be said about that elsa and not letting anyone see,
and i know you know what i'm talking about.
if you don't,
that scares me even more.
because what i have seen in the last two years is more people 
not wanting others to see.
binding yourself to looking and appearing a certain way.
it's like this innate childhood curse that we think we left in childhood...
in high school...
only to find out we've been safely stowing it in our bags everywhere we've gone all along.
it's like it's there, and we don't even see it.
brene brown goes into incredible depth on her research concerning guilt and shame,
and how it's connected to hiding those things we don't even see.
read her books.
they will change you.
the root issue of it all,
to feel so deeply, 
and challenge yourself out of something in this way,
standing by yourself with people all around you.
it's a gift.
all day today i've had dr. martin luther king jr's words in my head.
"free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, we are free at last."
because there's freedom in people seeing.
there's freedom in standing out in the wilderness where no one else is standing.
for everyone to see.
in the book of mormon we read about what i would call heroes.
they are never the ones in "the group."
they are always standing alone.
usually not doing the thing that everyone else is accepting.
they all come around.
but the hero of the story always must stand alone first.
it's the strength that it takes to stand alone that builds great character.
that's what i'm interested in.
that's what i've made my life's work about these last two years.
it has hurt on some days.
so badly.
and on most days, it's been JOY.
to see it all.
to feel it all.
even when it's a lot to see.
it's not like those things i felt free from are binding.
i love doing all of those things still.
they bring me GREAT joy.
homemaking is a sacred honor, and one i'm grateful to enjoy doing.
{also, i'm not saying that they are binding you}.
this is about me LOL!
that sounds so silly.
and none of it is about household tasks anyway.
this post is NOT about household tasks.
it's about being free.
and what it takes to truly achieve being free.
as maya angelou says,
"you only are free when you realize you belong no place — 
you belong every place — 
no place at all."
which is hard for someone who always just wants to belong.
ehem me.
maybe you?
don't we all have the yearning inside of us?
today was a "normal" day.
no work.
just normal do the laundry,
flip the tortillas,
put away the laundry,
make the lunch,
read with chase,
pin dean down to change his diaper.
without any interruptions or stressors.
despite the kids being home from school.
just a good old fashioned "life before i worked full time" sort of day.
it felt like coming home.
almost like a vacation.
but this is what i'm saying...
when i started working, it made me feel FREE from myself.
most people haven't seen all of this.
my job is like this volunteer church mission, 
except i get paid well, 
and often times most people on the outside looking in 
tend to think that i'm being boastful and self serving.
but they don't see.
and i gave up a long time ago trying to make them. 
sometimes i catch a glimpse of myself doing "normal" things, 
like today...
and it reminds me of that familiar space that used to be every day.
i love the days where i get to visit that girl before i grew into the woman i am now.
today was one of those days, and it was pure heaven.
not because i want to be her again,
but because i get to visit her with a better version of myself to share.
one that knows leadership in a way i've only ever dreamed of achieving,
and one that recognizes guilt and shame for what it is.
one that stands alone for all to see.
because she knows.
she's a friend i don't feel like i need to see every day anymore, 
but boy do i love to catch up every now and then.
and it makes me feel so free.
free at last
free at last
thank god almighty

Tuesday, January 9, 2018


If you're joining us here today from Good Things Utah or Instagram, WELCOME!!!
I've dusted off the old blog for this little ditty's grand debut, 
and will be around here a little bit more from now. If you're here from Instagram or caught the Live Show on ABC, you'll know a little bit about how this recipe came to be, BUT, if you're new and have stumbled upon us, here is a little story about how "The Famous Ones" came to be...

You see, once upon a time long long ago, in a far away galaxy called Rexburg, Idaho, I was a young college student who loved to eat cookie DOUGH for dinner. Calories are calories right??? Noooooooo. My 20’s were rough in this department, but that’s a story for another day. So anyway, I spent every Sunday FOR TWO YEARS making my 6 roommates (Becky, Melissa, Heather, Rachael, Jessi, and Stephen Yoshida) cookies to create the MOST PERFECT AND AMAZING COOKIE TO HAVE EVER LIVED. I’ve kept this recipe a locked down SECRET until now. Today, on Good Things Utah, I finally let my secret ingredients out of the vault for all of you. You can watch the LIVE show in my Instagram stories {emiemiemi82} for the next 24 hours! BUTTERFLIES in my stomach about sharing this with you. This is the recipe where my cooking began! DRUM ROLLS PLEASE...

“The Famous Ones”


3/4c sugar
3/4c Brown sugar
2 eggs 
1 tbls vanilla 
2 sticks butter, partially melted
1tsp salt
1tsp baking soda
2 1/4c flour 
1c quick oats, blended
1 Handful regular quick oats (NOT blended)
1/2 bag Reese’s PB Chips
1/2 bag Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
1/4 bag white chocolate chips 
**1/2tsp cinnamon optional 


Preheat oven to 350*

1. Cream all wet ingredients together with everything except for the flour. Once well mixed, add the flour. 

2. Blend 1 cup Quick Oats in an electric nut chopper (or regular blender), add to mixture. Mix well. Throw in a handful or so of regular NOT blended Quick Oats and mix well. These two things are the secret ingredient! 

3. Add three different chocolate chips in. Mix well. 

4. Roll into golf ball sized balls. They should be perfectly round. Place on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350* for 12-13 minutes (every oven is different—the goal is to have golden brown bottoms of your cookies). I love mine to be ALMOST cooked. 

There you have it! They are so good they'll make you cry.