"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Mama Einstein;)

When I met Julie Clark (creator of Baby Einstein) two weeks ago, 
she taught me four things: 
1. Make your own luck 
2. Make a positive difference 
3. Choose hope always 
4. Make an impact. 
There are moments where you KNOW what you're doing 
is changing something bigger than you. 
This was one of those days, and I'm grateful I was there to receive it.
4 months after I had Dean, I wasn't sitting around in my sweatpants crying all day, 
so at first i didn't make the connection to the silent symptoms of postpartum and anxiety I was having.
Instead, i was always anxious, doing really OCD things like washing my hands ALL the time, having clothes folded in a certain way, and needing my house to be organized. 
My postpartum was late onset, so there was no one there to recognize it other than me, 
and it just left me feeling like I didn't have this motherhood thing figured out after all. 
It made me feel like I was not good enough, even though I knew I was. 
It's the strangest thing to know you're being irrational, but not have control over it. 
And still feeling like you're happy, but something is just still wrong.
And you just resign to the realization that maybe this is just what it's going to be like for the next 20 years until your kids go to college.
And it wasn't like everything was awful.
My baby made me REALLY happy. My kids and husband made me REALLY happy.
Which is why i was even more confused by it.
 There is a bill in the House of Representatives right now called H.R. 3235: Bringing Postpartum Depression Out of the Shadows Act of 2015. It has been designed to give states more funding to provide additional screening for mothers, and help them have resources to get help. I want to get rid of the stigma of what we "think" postpartum is supposed to look like, and the shame that comes with postpartum depression in general. Email, call, and FB message your congressman and let them know that their constituents see a need. There are people in Washington right now that can make this happen, and if we can flood their messages all at once, we will make a difference!
You can tune into to Good Things Utah Tuesday July 5th at 9am Mountain time to hear me speak about my experience with postpartum depression and anxiety.
See ya'll there!