"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Saturday, March 13, 2010


i used to not make enough milk.
it was a sad time in motherhood for me.
brennan screamed a lot.
i'm starting to think he wasn't colic-y.
just starving all of the time.
poor thing.
but i was persistent.
and hell bent on nursing.
good thing too, b/c i don't think i would have stuck with it if this time had been switched with the first experience.
i would have had no time to be so darn persistent.
but i'm glad i had the time.
my days kind of went like this:
nurse for 45 min
(poor little guy just sucked until the cows came home, hoping there would be more?)
pump for 15 min
soothe screaming baby while pumping.
clean pumping stuff.
soothe screaming baby.
possibly feed baby what was pumped.
you know, the 1/2 oz it took me 15 min to pump.
that was a 1/2 oz TOTAL from both sides.
and then start the process all over again.
i never want to go through that again.
i felt worthless.
i felt like a bad mom.
i was obsessed with trying to stock my freezer full of frozen breast milk.
it was like if i could make a lot of milk then maybe i would be a better mom.
sounds so silly to me now.
i was angry with my body for not being able to make milk.
i was angry that things weren't easy like i thought they would be.
i felt depressed and exhausted.
thank goodness for sean's big sister and milk mary in arizona.
i learned LOTS about boobs and milk from them.
milk production to be exact.
so i increased my milk supply.
doubled it in fact, which still was not very much.
but it was enough.
and the pork loin and i made it 13 months.
it was awesome.
now i have more milk than max can eat.
and i don't want to come within 5 feet of my pump.
there's nothing i want to do less than pumping.
yet, when i can't stand it anymore (usually after max hasn't even drained me on one side in the middle of the night), i go out in the front room and get the old ball and chain out.
and even though i don't want to do it, there's a little bit of satisfaction in it.
a smile that makes me feel relieved that there's enough.
but even when there wasn't enough,
i was still enough.
and i'm glad i know that now.
having trouble with milk?
email me:-)


a GOODmorning:-)

Friday, March 12, 2010

it was lost, and now it is found.

the CAPE has been FOUND!!!!!!
thank heavens.
the pork loin would not take it off the entire night.
where was it, you ask?
the doctor's kit.
and let me tell you ma' friends,
or the super hero.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

time out carpet

right after taking this picture brennan got put in time out for kicking max in the head
for the SECOND time this afternoon.
and what did he do in time out?
sat on the time out carpet.
and laughing.
and saying, "hi mommy!"
i think it went well.
he's TOTALLY getting the idea,
don't you think???!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

this is it.

taking one cart into the store is just not an option.
unless we're at harmon's.
thank goodness for their car carts.
toddler driving the cart in the car, baby up with me.
i was the tank going through walmart.
pushing one cart with the kids in it,
pulling the actual groceries behind us.
the people around me were bugged.
i really can't think of any other option.
i don't like going at night.
by the time sean gets home and i can go i'm too tired and don't make it.
or i make it and i'm grumpy about it.
i like the outing with the kids in the mornings.
so until i can think of one this is it.
oh how the shopping excitement will change when max can sit up in the seat with him.
but is costco the only place with room for 2 up top???
in other news...
the super hero birthday cape has been lost.
it never made it from the birthday bash to our house.
this breaks my heart, but grandma sandie's more.
i fear that someone threw it out with the wrapping paper.
i hope this is not true.
i'll be expanding my search back to the party house later today.
while candle shopping last week,
i was sure glad he wasn't turning 3...

max is officially a night time mylicon junkie.
although, i've heard gripe water is better.
we will see.
either way, the scout master is looking much more refreshed from the extra sleep at night.
as for the day time, she enjoys long walks on the beach and sun tanning.
oh, to be a baby again...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

a game.

my fork became an airplane at dinner last night.
my trick to getting brennan to do anything lately has begun with the phrase,
"brennan, do you want to play a game!?"
it is most helpful when said with zest and pizazz on the adult's part.
100% of the time he replies "uh-huh!"
dinner was becoming more of a science experiment in the high chair, so i pulled out the "game" card.
we flew our food into our mouths, making "zoom" sounds.
never thought i would get to this point.
it's more fun to eat this way as an adult too.
at least more fun than listening to a screaming toddler who doesn't want to eat.
plus, i'll bet it burns more calories.
the scout master missed the show working late.
such a hard worker.
dinner is just not the same without him.
in other news...
brennan turned 2 last week!
my family was in town to celebrate his big day and to meet miss max.
(below: my hair and right arm, grandpa ryan, grandma gigi, p.l. & scout master, grandma sandie, uncle brent)
(below: grandma gibson & max, aunt ashlie, uncle adam, grandpa gibson)

he's been dreaming of big rigs ever since...
zambi, the elephant.
all children need one.
it chuckles, and does all other elephant actions and sounds.
so cute.
the pork loin was mesmerized.
great find grandma joi and grandpa dick.
i swear this was standing the right way when i loaded it.
go ahead, use this opportunity to stretch out the right side of your neck.
the party girl.
definitely the life of the party.
below: uncle adam, sean, brennan, grandma sandie, auntie kelsey
(grandpa ryan and yours truly not pictured, oh well)
the party wiped the two of us out.
asleep on the couch by 9:30pm.
wait, what's new?
toys are even better the morning after the party, says the pork loin and his kitchen escapades.
uncle adam and p.l.
we made these again too.
choc lush.
that's what you can refer to me as from this point forward.
auntie kelsey and p.l.

brennan took full advantage of grandparents, aunties, and uncles being around.
choc cake for afternoon snacks with grandpa.
picking out all of the m&m's from the trail mix with auntie kelsey.
bath time for the little lady.
lunch has never been so fun for the pork loin.
kelsey tells me these are the most comfortable shoes around.
i'm so out of the times.
had never heard of them.
you buy a pair and a pair are donated.
how can you not like that?!
nordi's was doing free art on them if you bought a pair between 1pm and 4pm on saturday, and what did ya' know, we were there at those exact times.
love how hers turned out.
such a blast:-)
we miss them already.