"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Monday, July 11, 2016

only two dimples left on his hands guys.

my favorite summer nights lately,
are when sean and i get the little boys bathed and in bed.
i sing to chase.
he likes baby beluga the best.
and he always falls asleep with the light on before i even walk out of the room.
i walk by sean sitting with maxine on her bed.
sometimes she's being sweet.
other times she's freaking out and i can tell sean has had it.
those are the times when we locked wide eyes 
and i give him the "stay strong brotha! you've got this" look.
and then i walk down the stairs into the big room,
and brennan has a book on the recliner,
with one of the big cozy blankets.
you know the ones costco has every year?
and they go on sale like right when it's starting to snow outside.
i've bought one every year for the last 5 years.
we have lots of colors.
the grey one is the newest, so that's the one the kid fight over the most.
i've got my eye on purple next year folks.
it doesn't match a thing in my house, but i just love how bright it is.
so anyway,
brennan reads to himself, while i go through email and messages,
and then he curls up and falls asleep.
and it's the little routine that i love.
this older kid routine.
where they can hang out with you bc they're older.
and they're not so little.
and i love it.
only two dimples left on his hands guys.
we're on borrowed time.

i finally wrote about being a working mom.

When I used to hear working moms talk about the judgment they felt, 
the criticism they received for it, and the guilt they felt, I remember thinking that was SOOO the 80's ‪#‎soapbox‬ of the past. This is the 21st century for crying out loud. We must be past all of that right? And yet, here I am, finding myself as a working ‪#‎sahm‬ feeling the judgment from others, the guilt of being a working mom (sometimes it's suffocating), and criticism for the outlet which my passion has led me to. And it's real. It's so undeniably real. How can this be? How can a woman, who's helping to provide for her family, while caring for her children, be criticized and judged for the same thing that society is so accepting of in a father? God bless Sean for always seeing me as an equal in all things, whether I was working or not. He has and always will be my number one supporter. Can a woman not have passion as a mother and have a professional vocation? Does it make her less of a mother if she does? Does it make her pursuits greedy if she is successful? Boastful? What if her pursuit is network marketing over a more traditional job? Does that make her selfish? Less worthy of success? What about negligent, or out of balance? Does it imply that she is putting her marriage and family second if she pursues both? After 8 months of learning to harmonize and balance being a mother AND a working mom, I have learned that nothing is black and white, you can't have it all, AND that things aren't always how they appear. As a society, I can see that we can do better. As women, let us embrace each other, regardless of the path we take. I have done a lot of reckoning with the woman I was before all of this, and I'm grateful for the experiences God has brought into my life to see another side. It has given me more empathy for others than anything I've ever experienced in my life. When we as a human race learn to truly LOVE one another, we will STOP criticizing each other, and BEGIN embracing each other for the bravery it takes to pursue what we truly believe in WITHOUT judgement...and that's when we will have become progressive. 
This is my prayer. Amen.