like when you realize your kids have started bribing their friends

my bribery methods of parenting have reached EPIC proportions.

there's just no other way to get the small people to move when i need them to move.

and since i can BARELY move, i can't make anyone else move unless they wanna move.

this will probably continue through summer.

as i will hopefully be tethered to a small little animal that requires me to not move,

and makes me unable to make anyone else move unless they wanna move too.

it's the greatest thing on the planet until it's not.

like when you realize your kids have started bribing their friends to get them to do what they want,

and you think,

hmmm, maybe this is a bad habit?

but then you're like,

nah, it DON'T MATTER!

cause ain't nobody got time to coax a toddler into his carseat,

when "i'll give you a bag of popcorn when you get in your carseat!" works so great.

so fast!

so efficient!

such a great little bandaid.

and so much immediate gratification for all involved.

popcorn!

there's nothing that gets kids to move like a bag of popcorn.

totally worth the kernels all over the floor of the car.

bahahahaha.

so we're going with it folks,

b/c my body can barely carry itself around right now,

and the little people know it.

they are in complete control.

and i'm pretty sure they know it.

the tiny army that controls my life that we created.

they run us!

but let's all just pretend to live the illusion that we run them.

mmmK.

i'm still trying to figure out if i'm the smart one,

or it they're the smart ones.

clever little creatures.

good thing i've got two more bags of popcorn.

stay tuned for THAT story later.

it's a real gem, and it involves the splits.

winning:)

bribe=boat

(the house on the left is my parent's lake house. for real this time;)

every bribe the entire week revolved around one phrase:

"if you don't_____________,

you can't go on the boat."

it was a true gem.

and worked every time.

hi,

my name is emily,

and i bribe my children to get them to do what i want.

most of the time:)

both pairs of my sunglasses broke on the boat.

it was sad.

i am still sad about it.

my favorite memory of our trip just might have been when my dad was teaching brennan how to water ski.

we told him there was only one rule:

hold on like mad,

DON'T LET GO.and the little dude held on like mad.

the entire way.

never let go.

such a champ!

but he did come out crying b/c

"there was too much water in his tummy."

love that kid.

lightening mcqueen is IN your mouth.

tonight we told brennan that lightening mcqueen was in his mouth.
i covered my mouth and in a low voice said,
"brennan, this is lightening mcqueen {his eyes lit up}.
i am IN your mouth! {his mouth dropped open in amazement}
i need you to eat a bite of fish to win the big race. can you do it?! {mouth opens, food is shoveled in}"
then it was a tie.
you get where this is going.
parents-1 point.
kids-2 million.
i wonder how long i can use this one...
he of course needed no bribery to eat his candy apple.
a man after my own heart.
oh, and he asks for peanut butter at every meal.
i love this kid.

i am emily.

and i use bribery.

every.

day.

bless me.