once every HALF a decade

Abooooooout once every HALF a decade you'll find me at the lights 🎄 on temple square 🙌🏻😍 #lighttheworld ❗️it usually takes me about 5 more years to decide to #brave the crowds again after that 😂😂😂. Also to thaw from it ❄️🔥🙌🏻. Here's what I want to know though. Can we not figure out a way to have a hot chocolate 🍫☕️ truck 🚛 parked somewhere INSIDE of temple square 😂? Like one that doesn't have lines, and maybe they just pass them out to everyone while you're moving. I'm not necessarily talking free here. I'll be a paying customer! My #vision is like a moving sidewalk with thousands of people passing out hot chocolates. I'd settle for a McDonald's walk up window too. Mostly bc I'll buy just about anything for $1 😂. And their hot chocolate is never too hot. Or maybe it was just really cold tonight. Even after a 45 min train 🚂 ride home. No? 😂😂😂 too much to ask 😂⁉️ I HAVE always been a dreamer 😜👏🏻 #IMAGINE . I hope my fingers are thawed sometime tomorrow. My thighs too. Until then, I'll be huddled under my blanket and basking in the #cute little hugs and kisses my little kiddos gave me tonight under the lights all aglow 😍😍😍. Favorite line of the entire night: "I can't wait to just hug you and be together on #Christmas Day." -Brennan 🎄 So much like his daddy 💙💙💙 #motherhood

because we can do anything for one week

'Cause we can do ANYTHING for one week 😂😂😂🎄🚂🎅🏻. 7 more sleeps, and we can't hardly wait over here in this house 🏡 full of believers! #pleasesanta #dearsanta#christmasiscoming#santapacksarecoming 😂 #choochoo And Dean keeps yelling " #HOHOHO " 🎅🏻 every time the train goes by. In heaven over here in little kid 🎄🎅🏻🚂🍭🍫🍬 #CHRISTMAS DREAMLAND!!! .

LIT.

When the prelit #Christmas🎄 tree has half its lights out 😂😭, we improvise 🙌🏻✨😜 #iwannabedean 👶🏻💙

SPUDS {and also he told me i can get my christmas tree flocked}

dean didn't walk until he was almost 17 months.

the pediatrician says he's a "classic 4th baby."

i wasn't worried,

but i could tell by the way he was giving me his spiel,

he'd had other moms in there worried.

then it was like he remembered who he was talking to,

and he laughed, and i laughed,

and we remembered how awesome it is to just know that kids are awesome,

in their own individual unique little ways.

and then we discussed at length about how perfectly perfect he is in every way.

i think the thing i've loved the most about the 4th baby 

is that i've never rushed him in anything.

when he didn't want to crawl, i went with it.

when he didn't want to eat baby cereal, i went with it.

when he didn't want to walk, i went with it.

every part of me wants to make him last as a baby forever,

and if that means him not walking until he's 2,

then that means i'm soaking him one minute longer than if he had done it before then.

sometimes i look at sean and can't imagine not having another baby.

other times i feel like we were nuts to have 4.

you know those nights.

when everyone is melting down,

the 4 yr old takes the baby's diaper off trying to help him get in the tub,

but the diaper is full of poo,

and now the poo is all over the 4 yr old,

the legs and feet of the baby {bc the baby is now stepping in the diaper full of poo on the floor that the 4yr old took off on his own--so helpful i tell you},

the rug in the bathroom,

the wall in the bathroom,

and also in the water in the tub.

yep, that happened once.

it's those days where i feel totally in over my head.

but the there's these other days.

where i'm sitting on the floor of the big room playing cars with dean.

and he's making sounds as the cars come crashing down.

everything is calm.

and then he sits his little chubby body on mine and is still for a minute.

i feel like i might die from intoxication of his little baby self.

and i just want to have him be like this forever.

and i can't imagine not having a baby in my house.

i've had a baby in my house for 8 1/2 years straight you see.

and it fuels me.

i makes me feel sane.

except on the days it doesn't of coarse.

all moms know what i'm talking about here.

so for right now,

i'm just not going to worry about him getting any older.

because right now, i'm soaking in every second of him being 17 months young.

also, his little noise he makes when he buries his face into my neck 

and rests his head on my shoulder.

his favorite book is baby beluga.

i sing it to him, and he turns the pages.

sometimes he crawl all over me and pulls my hair.

other times he just rocks his body to the beat of the tune.

and his baby mullet.

he's bringing the mullet back guys.

curlz and all.

this fall's latest trend i say.

this picture of the boys and me made me laugh out loud.

we could barely hold the potatoes they were so big.

we literally kept dropping them, and then they'd roll around on the ground,

and dean would chase after them,

and we just ended up covered in dirt.

then i made mashed potatoes bc it was supposed to snow {and it did}.

on accident, the 5 potatoes i boiled made about enough mashed potatoes to feed us for thanksgiving and christmas.

i asked sean if we could reheat these on thanksgiving,

or it that was sacrilegious?

he said he thinks i'm getting smarter and smarter as the years go by.

this is why i love him.

also, he told me i can get my christmas tree flocked.

i love him a lot.

please note: chase's grubby chubby hands.

also, the gatorade.

i'm happy to report this has been a puke free house since a few days ago at least.

{dean says 

"wooooooaaahhhh!!!" 

every time he puts a car down the ramp.}

why do babies have to grow up?

i want more...sometimes.

human sand bags

What, you don't lay 7 and 8 year old boys on your tree stand 

to keep the water from spilling onto your carpet 

when you're taking it down? 

so sad to see it go. most perfect christmas tree to have ever lived. 

and now christmas is cleaned up. 

the end.

dear santa, more binkies. sincerely the baby man chase ray

me: what is santa going to bring you 

when you leave your binky for him on christmas this week?

chase: more binkies.

this one is gonna be a rough one i think.
he's smart, that's for sure.
my other kids were all sold on the bike.
nobody has ever even THOUGHT to ask for more binkies.
chase's second choice for the binky trade is a lightening mcqueen race track.
i'm going to miss his binky.
it gets him in and out of the shower.
it gets him into the car to get max from kindergarten when i'm in a pinch.
it lets me talk on the phone.
it basically gives me any immediate response like a dead ringer every single time.
and while he's not napping anywhere but in the car on the way home from afternoon carpool,
i'm gonna miss it.
he's gonna miss it.
at least there's always the blue dog.
i just don't think that's gonna be enough to get him back into his bed at 6am when he wakes up to pee.
oh man.
i'm gonna miss that binky.
have i mentioned i'm gonna miss chase's binky???
well i am.
there,
i said it
again.

in other news...

the train is up as of this evening.

which means,

only 5 days left of the train being out.

but who's counting???

just sayin'

5 days and counting.

also, max is a super champ at putting stamps on christmas cards.

this year was quite the stretch to get them out.

i sure hope grandpa's christmas present makes it.

aye, yigh, yigh...we're coming in on the wire this time!

is that a saying?

or did i just make that up?
maybe halfway right?

you get what i'm saying.

dear santa,

please get my christmas cards off and grandpa's present there on time.

xoxo,

emiline

Just like that.

And then all of a sudden everything in the house feels right again. 

I laid on the ground and let the kids decorate the entire tree. I didn't even move a single ornament when they were done. Sean moved some of the more fragile ones to the top. Man alive, I've gotta say, it's much more relaxing when you just sit back and let the cards fall where they may. I don't think I could have done a better job myself. It got darker and darker as they went, and by the end we had a glowing tree with the night in full glory outside. I hope they always want to decorate the tree for me. 

Let us not forget batman. 

We will leave it at that:)

Merry Christmas to all,

And to all a good night!

the night when the horse tried to kiss max.

just when we thought she had worked through her santa fears,

we rode a sleigh through no snow to the north pole in midway,

and the horse tried to kiss max,

and santa tried to keep her on his lap.

fail.

i will never forget the look on max's face when that horse came in from her right side for a kiss.

FEAR OF DEATH

was on her face.

kind of like with santa,

but more caught off guard.

bahahahahaha.

the year brennan wrote santa 3x a day every day and they made each other's beds and picked up each other's toys.

never has a boy been so faithful in his santa letter writing.

i will always remember this as the year that he wrote santa 3x a day every day for two weeks straight.

really though.

it was a thing.

and i LOVED it.

please don't let this be the last year he does it.

i was in heaven with the magic of it all.

and also because my kids have never been better in their whole entire lives than they were on christmas eve day.

i asked, they did.

i didn't ask, they did it before i had to.

stuff for me.

stuff for each other.

it was amazing.

that is all.

P.S.

he also scribed letters for max.

it was so darling.

because christmas was kind of crazy {and i forgot some stuff}

december 23rd.

at gamma's house.

with a movie on the big screen,

matching lolly aprons,

individual rolling pins,

a bucket of cookie cutters,

and a whole lot of candies and frosting.

things to remember for next year:
don't buy the squeeze bottle frosting.

it looks like a good idea, but it's not.

it's just not.

candy in the cupcake tins: YES.

separate table with stools: YES.

cookie dough made ahead: YES.

flour all over the house: YES.

pick up a pizza before: YES. 

that is all.

the end.

and THAT was just phase 1.

i give you flour face: 

and then we threw them in my mom's giant bathtub,

and PLUNGED them

with bubbles and soap.

lots.

{the end.}