to the scout master, who is scout mastering

dear scout master,
i hope you are all safe and sound, and doing whatever scout masters do. it is still BLAZING hot here so we are going to deposit some checks at the bank, enjoying the AC in the jeep, and then come back to fill the baby pool for me to soak my feet in. do you remember that thing that happened earlier this week when you had to scrub the carpets and hose off the pork loin? well, it happened again after his afternoon nap. except it was on the treadmill. right in the middle of my call to christi reading to see how she and her new baby were doing. they are doing well, in case you are wondering. all i wanted to do was rush over there and hold her little baby, looking at her little wrinkly gushy newborn face, but instead i abruptly ended my call, promising to call back. i was wondering if you were aware of how many grooves and niches were on our treadmill? LOTS i tell you, LOTS. everything is Clorox-ed and smelling fresh now, but who knows if the tread will ever really be the same again. AND REALLY, how can you be sure it's REALLY clean? i just have to trust that the scrub scrub scrubbing was enough. you would have loved seeing me putting the elbow grease into the job. after the pork loin was washed and scrubbed from head to toe (b/c literally, he was covered from HEAD to TOE), i pulled out the movie pillow and let him have his choice of movies (so i could clean myself off.) he picked beauty and the beast. i still know the words to the songs. brennan was impressed. we had ritz crackers topped with your favorite cheese and pepperoni slices for a snack. i'm putting the pork loin on SMOOTHIE RESTRICTION from this point forward. the smoothies must be the culprit behind these "incidents." i hope your cot is comfy and that the boys are getting lots of merit badges and things of such sort achieved. please don't lose any scouts.

love to you and your scouts,
em