"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

waving the white flag.

for the past two nights i have cried for half an hour after putting the kids in bed.
"it was his idea to potty train! not mine. he did it for two days! poo and all! nights and naps, no leaks. what kid does that!? it's a dream! amazing! i guess he really was ready!"
this is what i was saying in my head.
and then he decided he didn't want to anymore,
so he held his pee for 15 hours in defiance.
so much that as you recall, i thought it was a bladder infection.
it was not.
i figured he would just get over it.
b/c he loved his underwear,
and didn't want to wear a diaper.
didn't want to pee in a diaper.
he did not get over it.
so after three days of him holding his pee for 15 hours straight,
i am waving the white flag,
and have finally convinced him that diapers are cool again
sigh.
i am both happy and sad.
happy b/c maybe we can have a life back again.
sad b/c man, i LOVED that he used the potty.
sad b/c i feel like i've failed.
maybe b/c i was too pushy?
this is always my biggest insecurity.
and for some reason,
it made me feel more like a real mom.
the kind that really knows what she's doing.
who's children listen to her.
pee in the potty.
sleep great.
never get sick.
never throw tantrums.
always eat their vegetables.
share with others.
are sweet and nurturing to their siblings all of the time.
sleep in every day.
have everything together.
a real mom.
whatever that is.
it doesn't exist.
that mom is just a figment of my imagination.
but some days it think she is there.
my kids get me instead.
and that's the best version of a mom i can offer.
and they are darn lucky to have me.
too pushy and all:)

8 comments:

Sue said...

Sorry, Em. I never liked the toilet training thing because it's such a fine line to walk between keeping them interested and encouraging them without getting their backs up.

Good news is that they are all rather well-trained now.

;)

The Jackson Family said...

Real moms do exist, perfect moms don't. And if everything about motherhood was perfect, your blog would be very boring ;)

Kindra said...

So glad there is no such thing as perfect mom. That stubborness will take him far in life. As for the potty training I say diapers are cheaper then therapy!

VandyJ said...

Perfect moms are boring and annoying. Real moms are way more interesting. I'm glad to be a real mom. Warts and insecurities and imperfect kids and all.

Amy said...

Well, you fought a good fight! Keith tried, and had a relapse as well. It will come. Have you ever heard of a seven year old who can't use the bathroom? It will come.

And our imperfections are what add spice to life, right? You are wonderful, just ask anyone!

Emmy said...

Sorry :(. But he seriously will get it. People ask me what it was like to potty train Lucas and I can seriously barely remember. But if I think really hard I can remember the fights and accidents- but eventually it works and you forget how much it sucked.

Good luck and 15 hours is insane.

McVal said...

You're doing great! Hang in there!

Katie said...

Hey, knowing when your kid is ready for something or not is definitely part of being a good mom. 15 hrs is NUTSO.