"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Monday, October 27, 2014

letters to Emily {feeling sorry for yourself, Switzerland, & God LOVES you}

Hello my Dear Emily Gibson,

I am completely sorry I haven't written you yet.  Well, these last few months have been the hardest/funnest/craziest months I have had in a while, which call for a lot of entertainment for you to read, I am sure of it.  It all started with Bryce leaving for Boston USA.  I was very sad to have him leave for a whopping three weeks.  But I was ready to pull up my sleeves and get down to the grind of life with my two kids living on the third floor, no elevator, and carrying Smithy down and up (oh UP, how I dislike UP) the stairs.  Bryce is always the one to carry Smith.  I usually do it if I have to, and it's fine, but Bryce is the carrier, if you will.  So it didn't seem so bad, and then conference weekend came.  I didn't do so well that weekend, unhealthy and negetive thoughts that came sweeping through my mind, and I did the horrible thing that no woman should do and ......felt sorry for my self.  Never do this!!!!!!!  It is a downward spiral of unhealthy thoughts that get you NO WHERE.  Well, maybe somewhere between a rock and hard place, but no where you want to be!  I walked my two kids to woman's conference thinking, "I don't even want to go, they won't tell me anything I need to hear, it's going to be the same stuff, which I like, but I don't even want to feel the spirit.  Why am I walking to the train with my two kids to go to womans conference?  Why I am doing this?"  I was convinced going was something I needed to to, but something I didn't want to do and was mad and sad at myself.  Then I got there and I was significantly late, and happened to walk in to President Uchdorf (the silver fox)  saying this:

"He not only knows what is best for you; He also anxiously wants you to choose what is best for you."

And this:

"And God knows of your successes; though they may seem small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them. He loves you for extending yourself to others. He loves you for reaching out and helping others bear their heavy burdens—even when you are struggling with your own.
He knows everything about you. He sees you clearly—He knows you as you really are. And He loves you—today and always!"
My soul needed to hear and feel those words.  I was humbled and grateful for a Heavenly Father who personally knows me.  And cares about me.  I hate the thought of going through trials to learn lessons.  Self pity is the worst companion to have when you are going through a trial.  Do not feel so sorry for your self!  Don't do it Beth Don't do it Beth.  Anyway, Enough about that.  I  feel like I am just rambling about when Bryce was gone and when he came home....OH BOY!  Was I a happy woman!  I was so happy I decided we should all go to Switzerland!!!  Aahhhh!  Heaven on earth Emily.  That place is so wonderful, everyone around here can't get enough of me saying how amazing Switzerland is.  The cows and the bells you hear on the cows EVERYWHERE you go, and it's true, their dairy there is the best you have ever tried in  your life.  And the people are so nice and oh how I love Switzerland, I actually love it so much I am reading Heidi right now, I am such a dork.  But seriously I really love it there.  Bear starts kindergarten (preschool in the states, but here they call it kindergarten) and it is so fun to hear the kids and the teachers talk to him in German....it made me think, maybe I could send you some videos of them speaking and you can show Brennan's class or something.  I don't know.  I hope you are having a good week and I can't wait to hear from you again!!!

1 comment:

Amy said...

That Beth is a wise woman. I love her advice about just not wallowing. She sounds like an incredible and strong woman.