"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

split jury

{they were singing the superman theme song. all of them. "doo doo DOOO do do do do do dooooo". you get it. and dean was being flown back and forth. i could have peed my pants it was so funny.}
my kids are arguing 
a lot right now.
like i'm feeling like i'm in a constant state of anxiety most of the time.
and it's driving me BONKERS.
this morning while i was making them all scrambled eggs before school,
max said she wanted just salt on hers,
and the boys said they wanted theirs "creamy" {this means i mix in mayo with it--they love it},
and so based on past experiences with such a split jury, 
i verified TWICE that max ONLY wanted salt on hers before i passed out everyone's plates and took on the task of making brennan and sean's lunches,
and do you want to know what that little max did?
started WHINING AT ME that she wanted creamy eggs too.
like i had never even asked her and purposely left her out or something.
i probably had steam coming out of both nostrils and my ears at the same time.
i'm sure i was silent.
bc this is what i do when i'm EXTRA irritated.
i get silent.
and then i sigh.
i learned this from my dad.
it used to scare the BEE-JEEZ-ES out of us kids,
and now, i know he did it bc it just feels so refreshing,
and also it keeps you from killing your kids.
sean says i've added a blink to the method.
a SLOOOOOW blink.
so max saying she wanted mayo in her eggs,
basically pushed me over the edge,
as that it where i feel i've been standing for the last several weeks since school started anyway,
at which point i told them i was going to send them all away bc i just couldn't live this way anymore!
have you seen the movie mean girls?
where the girls tell another girl "you can't SIT with us!" and she says it in a really crazy voice that's mostly strung out and irrational, and her eyes are all buggy and crazy?
yep, that was basically me this morning,
except i was talking about scrambled eggs that needed mayo added.
i mean good heavens, i don't know what the big deal was.
oh right, it was that i had already asked her twice before two minutes ago.
that's right:)
so at that point i walked over in my steaming fury, added the mayo, added more salt so as not to be accused of not adding salt and have THAT on top of the mayo agitation i was already in, and then i got back to slicing cheese for brennan's lunch.
so then sean started reading harry potter aloud,
and we're at the part where harry sets the snake free at the aquarium,
and i ate a peach bc i wondered if maybe i was just grouchy bc i was hungry,
and then we wrestled clothes and toothbrushes onto everyone,
and put the A-TEAM {brennan and max} on the porch for carpool,
at which point we waved goodbye and walked into the kitchen to declare victory on another morning of getting the kids out the door alive,
and sean told me that me telling the kids i was going to send them away over scrambled eggs was probably the highlight of his entire day {and he said this all cute and laughing like which made it all the more endearing--and also it made me start laughing bc it just lightened everything up}, and then he was all "please don't send me away" 
and we both just kept standing there laughing about it, 
even though i was actually 75% serious about sending them away.
over scrambled eggs that needed mayo.
can we just be adjusted to school being back in,
and homework,
two kids doing homework!
and friends coming in and out of my house all night,
and toys everywhere at the worst time of the day which is 5:30pm-8pm????
ok great.
i feel better now:)

getting max to dance once a week takes all i can muster.
ain't NO WAY i can add in the karate brennan keeps asking for.
not unless they have a free shuttle.
oh my gosh, 
they would make so much more money if they offered a free shuttle.
i think that's called a taxi.
a mom taxi.
but what if karate had a shuttle...
i went to the store for toilet paper,
and do you wanna know what i forgot to buy?
toilet paper.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Oh, Emily. You are my hero. Even when you are having a bad day, (which sometimes I need to hear about, because it means that you are human and we can be friends) you make me smile and want to be as strong as you are when I grow up.