WHAT IF

WHAT IF the milk is drying up again,

and WHAT IF Dean and I might just not even like nursing anymore?

(It's so weird how I feel like it's illegal to say you don't like breastfeeding. Especially when you thought you liked it before, and maybe you did, but maybe you don't anymore. I think I might not like breastfeeding anymore.)

Like WHAT IF we actually like bottles? 

And WHAT IF we actually might be considering (I can't believe I'm even saying this) quitting nursing?

At 4 months in. 

Bc we just don't like nursing?

Like I can't even believe I'm saying this, except for you know that whole thing I said about when times are turbulent,

slow down?

And I thought all along that if i just went slow in the beginning we could speed up after a slow start,

And I thought that meant slow down to nurse your baby and make sure you have lots of amazing breastmilk to feed them for an entire year bc that's what you do?

Well, WHAT IF it slowing down means getting rid of something that's just not turning out like you planned?

Like it WAS working,

But maybe now it's not working. 

Maybe it's not done working,

But maybe if it was done working you'd be like, this might actually be better than it working?

And WHAT IF it means you have the chance to do what you never planned,

And WHAT IF the unplanned thing actually turns out to be something better than you planned???

Just saying...

Dean and me,

We're thinking about it.