act 1 & act 2

when the scout master is out, bath time is a bit different.
normally, sean would lotion and jammy the pork loin on our bed.
on tuesday night i decided to let the pork loin watch a movie in the front room while greasing him up and jammy-ing him out.
aren't i SUCH an awesome mom;-)
i was feeling really generous at the thought of it.
he ran off naked before i could get his diaper on.
no big deal.
so i thought.
he walked right out to the recliner.
squatted.
and left the following behind.
tonight, i was much smarter.
i already had a diaper in my hand.
i was prepared and ready for the moment any squatting may take place.
little did i know,
there would be no squatting tonight.
he walked right out to the recliner,
and went for distance.
apparently it soaks into the carpet much faster when shot from a distance.
i just stood there.
feeling really un-intelligent.
have you ever tried to stop a toddler mid-pee?
me neither.
b/c i end up just standing there unable to get any words out.
my eyes close really tight, and i think i may even get the first letter of "no" out,
but then i just stutter a bunch trying to figure out how to get him to stop.
in the mean time,
he stops peeing.
i am left standing there, still dumb struck that
a. he did it again
and
b. i obviously learned nothing from tuesday night.
and then,
he steps in it.
puddle jumping.
it's the hottest game.
you haven't heard?
only tonight, it was in his own pee.
i spent the next 30 seconds chasing him around the living room.
picture a super chunky, naked toddler, squealing with laughter,
and me running frantically behind him to wipe off his foot.
i gave up when i realized he had already wiped his foot off.
on my carpet.
sigh.
i'm happy to say we have the extra absorbent paper towels from costco.
now, how to talk the scout master into cleaning the spots with carpet cleaner when he gets home from round table tonight?