"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

it's not easy talking about nice things.

pretty sure he thought it was his birthday.
french fries and soda for 1st lunch (compliments of amanda, muchas gracias!).
a 2nd lunch of whatever he asked for on the counter top.
he chose two spoonfuls of peanut butter, grapes, gerber cheese puffs, and milk.
awesome:-)
about 6 hours of cartoons and movies throughout the day.
he was in pure toddler heaven.
the key to having a happy birthday in motherhood is giving your toddler anything they want, lol.
coldstone peanut butter ice cream bliss cake.
sean's parents delivered it, with presents galore.
we licked the plate after the cake was gone.
ann marie stopped off with the book barnes and noble has been sold out of for months.
can't wait to start it!
then i opened my prized mailed birthday cards from the rest of the out of state family.
oh, the excitement of getting mail.
in a mailbox!
not just my inbox.
spoiled to the fullest.
the scout master prepared tacos.
AND
came home early.
heaven:-)
my wish?
my secret;-)
and THIS ONE i'm keeping to myself.
i promise, it's NOT what you're thinking it was.
i died laughing from these.
can we say,
"sugar coma" below???!!!
..............
it's not easy talking about nice things.
i think this may just be a bad habit of mine.
or a good habit, depending on your opinion.
when i get together with my girlfriends i find myself griping about the things that bug me.
the drama.
why is the drama easier to talk about?
the juicy, hot gossip!
mine.
yours.
someone i don't know.
some awful story i've heard on the news.
the things i'm worried about.
there's definitely something to be said for the woman's spirit to connect with other women and their experiences.
to learn from what they have to say.
a friend has often been my best teacher.
a part of it seems to get me to stop worrying about the things i've been worrying about.
my current fears?
a. that i will NOT think my new baby is as adorable as brennan.
b. that i will love brennan less or think the new baby is "better."
c. that i will love them the same and be bugged with myself for worrying about it at all.
i realize all 3 are ridiculous and completely "normal."
whatever,
the feelings are there.
i'm sure they'll work themselves out after a few post pardom meltdowns;-)
the post pardom meltdowns i'll share with my girlfriends.
the ones that will buoy me up and make it all better.
i'm not saying it's bad to talk about these sorts of things.
i just found myself wondering today (as i was waiting for the green turn signal to light up into wells fargo), why it's easier to chat about the drama and the gossip when the conversation is in a lull.
nothing to talk about?
bring on the drama conversations.
why do i love it so much?
why is it so intriguing?
does this make me boring?
fickle?
high maintenance?
"un-christian"?
i'm sure my anonymous commenter will tell me it's because i'm lacking something meaningful in my own life.
whatever.
maybe so.
aren't we all lacking at least something?
isn't that how we learn from each other?
what i'm lacking, my spouse, friends, and god make up the rest?
teach me to be better?
the uplifting "understanding" and "working through the problem" chit chat is the part i love the most.
it's good for the soul.
is that considered drama?
there's something exciting about the drama.
why, oh why?!
why do i talk about the characters on the hills and the city as if i know them???
like my opinion of their character matters.
"hello, my name is emily gibson, and i'm a reality tv junkie."
it's like i've forgotten what the other stuff is to talk about.
what do you talk about when you don't have any drama to talk about?
what am i talking about?
there always seems to be drama to talk about.
if it's not mine, it's tiger woods.
blah.
see what i mean? boring.
and no, i actually have NOT been talking about tiger woods.
i just saw a yahoo headline when i logged onto my email and listed it as reason 6 million 5 hundred thousand, and so forth reason of why i NEVER want to be famous.
ever.
i'm sure i'm an interesting person inside.
i know my thoughts are meaningful.
i've heard them myself;-)
yet i always jump to the drama with my girlfriends.
hopes, dreams, i should share more of those.
some of course are purely for the scout master's ears only, but others can be shared.
food?
maybe i should talk more about food.
more "ah-ha" moments,
even though i really dislike that phrase.
more about the books i'm reading.
book clubs.
i love book clubs.
you get ma' dift.
maybe i should put in the "name that tune" and "tell me a word that rhymes with..." stuff.
and to be clear, i can't possibly cut out the drama.
it's exhilarating to hear it.
so be it, i love it.
maybe hearing your drama makes mine seem less important.
less excruciating.
not happy for your drama, just takes the focus off of mine.
helping you figure out yours sometimes helps me figure out mine.
like saying it out loud somehow manages to push me into better thoughts.
why?
i don't know, it just seems that when i have to articulate it verbally things become more clearly.
or more confusing.
one or the other.
i just don't want to turn into the uninteresting person who can't remember what else to talk about other than the drama.
and yesterday walking with my friends i was struggling to bring up anything other than drama.
maybe yesterday i was uninteresting.
you win some, you lose some.
eh?

9 comments:

Sue said...

I didn't even know it was your birthday! Sounds like you had a wonderful day!!

And I like your drama.

=)

(But I like your book club, too.)

Emmy said...

Looks like you had a wonderful birthday and you definitely figured out the key to make it a good one.

That cake....mmmm I might have to just go get one now. Oh wait, it is only 8:00 AM.. darn.

Drama is fun to talk about... if I don't want to only talk about it I just try and sit back and let others do the talking sometimes... but then I do have that one friend that does all of the talking and that bugs the heck out of me. So yeah the balance is hard.

Hil said...

Happy Birthday Emily! As for your fears... forget about them. They will all melt away the second you hold that new little baby in your arms and realize that a mother has the capability to love all of her children equally and more than you ever thought was possible.

Fiauna said...

Say it. Say it out loud. Sometimes talking about something helps us understand it in a way we never could if we keep inside.

As for birthdays, I remember my husband asking me one year what I wanted to do for my birthday. I told him I wanted to go to McDonald's, order happy meals for the kids and let them play all over the filthy play equipment. So, I hear ya--keep those kids happy.

And, I hope your special day was wonderful!

And, I remember the days after the birth of my second baby as some of the most blissful days of my life. So fear not about upcoming post-pardom melt downs. I think you'll be okay. : )

The Medrano Fam said...

Happy Birthday,looks like it was fun! I too have those same fears lately but as I read your post I realized that before my little guy was born no one could have ever explained the love that I would feel for him, it's impossible. So maybe all those mommies of 2+ kids are right, maybe the love just grows and it all makes sense. We can share in post pardom melt downs togeter, I for one know that we will have many in this house if it's anything like last tim.

Beth said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILINE!!!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER.......SOON! OH HOW I LOVE YOUR BLOG, BUT CAN I LOVE YOU MORE? IS THAT OKAY? YOU ARE SO CUTE..... ILOVE YA!

Amy said...

I am so glad your birthday was so fantastic! That cake looks possitively sinfull. Wow, yum. Can I just say, Drama is so fun to talk about and sometimes talking about something slightly more fluffy is what you need. All the seriousness and politics just are too much. And it is true, when you talk things over out loud your mind is better capable of sorting the problem out and you can come to conclusions and assign meanings to things a lot better. It is just how it works.

Davis Family said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Sounds like you had a great day! I love your hair!

Katie said...

I'm really late, but Happy Birthday.