There is a 40 foot trailer outside my door.
I feel like we are going on vacation.
But with all of our stuff.
I have anxiety about leaving our home.
The one we brought our babies home to.
The one I became a mother in.
To go live in someone else's memories.
Like I'm stealing their space or something.
Funny thing buying a home from someone else.
I wonder when it will actually feel like ours?
I feel like this isn't ours here either now.
Almost like we've been left without a place.
Which is odd b/c this will be the first place that is actually ours.
It's all very surreal.
I still feel like our realtor is going to call us and say, "just kidding, hope you have a place to live b/c this one really isn't yours!"
I've become so comfortable with renting that it is hard for me to get comfortable with the idea of owning.
B/c right now it's just a place.
That doesn't quite feel like ours.
But in no time I'll be cleaning the tub and planting the perineal flowers.
Well I won't be planting flowers for awhile.
Brennan will spill milk on the carpet.
That is under the kitchen table.
And then it will start to feel like ours.
But right now it just feels like we're leaving our life to go on vacation.