"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Friday, October 8, 2010

No place

There is a 40 foot trailer outside my door.
It's john's.
Bless him.
I feel like we are going on vacation.
But with all of our stuff.
I have anxiety about leaving our home.
The one we brought our babies home to.
The one I became a mother in.
To go live in someone else's memories.
Like I'm stealing their space or something.
Funny thing buying a home from someone else.
I wonder when it will actually feel like ours?
I feel like this isn't ours here either now.
Almost like we've been left without a place.
Which is odd b/c this will be the first place that is actually ours.
It's all very surreal.
I still feel like our realtor is going to call us and say, "just kidding, hope you have a place to live b/c this one really isn't yours!"
I've become so comfortable with renting that it is hard for me to get comfortable with the idea of owning.
A home.
B/c right now it's just a place.
That doesn't quite feel like ours.
But in no time I'll be cleaning the tub and planting the perineal flowers.
Well I won't be planting flowers for awhile.
Brennan will spill milk on the carpet.
That is under the kitchen table.
And then it will start to feel like ours.
But right now it just feels like we're leaving our life to go on vacation.
Have mercy.


Sue said...

When I moved from my first home into our second, much nicer and larger one, I still mourned the first one. I really did. That's where I'd had all of my kids, and it sort of tore my heart out to say good-bye.

Soon we had made memories in the new one, though, and I planted my roots there. It just takes awhile. And don't be surprised if you find yourself in tears now and again missing the old one in the early weeks and even months.

Hugs to you, Em.


Lauren said...

sooo exciting!!!! yay!!!

T!FF said...

I am so happy for you guys! I'm sure it will feel like yours in NO time at all, especially after all your stuff is unpacked! Oh and right now is actually the best time to plant Perennials because they get a jump start for spring, plus nurserys usually sell them super cheap because its the end of the season. :)

The Jackson Family said...

Even when you're not 100% completely settled, it'll feel like home within a couple weeks. Just remember that if anything breaks, YOU have to fix it! :D

Brooke said...

you are right- as soon as you start putting your own dirt in that house it will start feeling like home sweet home!!! hope all is going well so far!

Synergy Girl said...

I remember the first time we moved into our new home...it felt like we were staying in a hotel!!! It will soon feel like "yours" though...!!

Amy said...

And as soon as your stuff is up in your house, it will feel like home. It will just fit you and your little growing family. And as vacations go, it sounds like the best kind.