waiting creation.

this morning...

when i was in college i loved to bake after i finished all of my finals.
it was a release of sorts.
enjoying the creation of something that had nothing to do with everyday.
i loved it.
i've been waiting for that feeling this year.
waiting for our routine to be found.
for the kids to get comfortable in the house.
for us to get comfortable in the house.
to find our new niche.
to find all of my stuff.
ok, that's going a little far.
i have definitely not found all of my stuff.
to feel at home.
in a groove.
a release of sorts.
the release where the stress disappears.
so the relax can begin.
it's here.
i think this means we're finally settled.
i love it.
the baking too.

mortgage: the gift that keeps on giving...for 30 years.

i just wrote the first check for our mortgage.
and
it
was
worth
EVERY
penny.
(and yes, despite popular opinion, i'm still smiling like i was the day we signed the deed. it's that great of a house. glory be.)

SUN.

sunday nights.

we got home from church at 5:18pm.
i made moldy ravioli.
with marinara sauce.
i boiled them for 10 min.
that had to have cleaned all of the mold off?
i hope.
they tasted great.
garlic bread caught fire.
gas oven=flame inside the oven.
top and bottom.
i'm still learning.
the centers were saved.
which is really the only part i like anyway.
learned the fire alarms work in the house.
really well.
max gnawed on asparagus.
brennan called the ravioli hot dogs.
we went with it.
...
sean quoted this morning the best,
"someone forgot to tell brennan about daylight savings."
...
the real snow is coming.
i bought a shovel.
the brownies and pumpkin ice cream are ready.
wish you were here.

irrationally directed.

yesterday, brennan slammed me in the face with his chocolate milk sippy cup.
after blinking several times to make sure i didn't blackout,
i did what any calm mother would do.
irrationally directed him to time out.
fought back tears that i wanted to cry.
and then took away every treat, movie, soda, game, and privilege i could think of.
i spent the rest of night realizing that by taking away all of his treats i was punished too!
dang it.
my lip is still sore today.
ouch.

i voted with my huge lip that swelled up after this picture.
the one person i really wanted to win,
lost.
kind of like last year.
this morning,
i mowed my lawn.
for the first time.
it was fun,
then exhausting,
then annoying.
and brennan scraped my monitor on the metal table.
it is ugly now.
but i did get 34 shade shirts/pants/swim suit items this morning.
for $1 a piece.
so sad to see shade go:-(
i am now going to collapse for the rest of the day.

note to self: rose bushes

if you look closely,
you'll see snow falling through my window.
note to self: trim rose bushes BEFORE it snows next year.
ay-yigh-yigh!
now it's cold,
and i have no desire to go out there and do it.
must.
must get out there and do it.
before the snow weighs the bushes down.

fire in the sky, charcoal on the carpet.

sean put together the outside heater last night.

i entertained the kids.

i didn't know how heavenly it would be.

my new sanctuary.

sean put the kids to bed.

i sat outside.

in the dark.

quiet.

and heat.
just when i thought life couldn't get any better,
a bag of charcoal walked right into my kitchen.
where there's dang carpet under my kitchen table.

heaven bless the dyson.

and a good sense of humor.

trimming or pruning, whichever.

there's something about laundry that makes me feel right at home.
the sound of the washer and dryer running makes the entire house feel cozy.
i think we finally found our routine.
...
and i trimmed our tree last night.
ended up COVERED in aphids.
literally from head to toe.
it was gross.
and sean informed me tonight that it's called "pruning," not trimming.
whichever.
you got the point.

wish i had a before picture.

it was fun.

loving them all over again.

so much for keeping the carpets clean.
there were little mud spots every 6 inches from the back door to the front door.
i panicked.
then i took a picture.
then i called the house ours.
for real.
...
just as we were about to have a long discussion about how we need to unpack and organize,
the once was scout master took matters into his own hands.
2 hours later?
happy wife, happy life:-)

i spent the night relishing in all of my books.

i love seeing them up.

i had to tape a few back together.

hugged a few.

wanted to re-read a few more.

loving them all over again.

hello, my name is emily, and i am a spoiled brat.

max puts her fingers and toes through the holes of her blanket when she sleeps. bless her.

having a fenced backyard and a garage were the two things i was looking forward to the most about our new house.
and what do ya know.
the dang garage is the thing i dread most in the mornings.
it opens.
then it closes.
and the babies are up.
i like it the rest of the day.
just not the part where it wakes the babies up in them morning.
dang house builder.
putting the babies rooms over the garage.
imagine me laying in bed,
one ear plug in,
eyes closed,
praying my guts out that the babies will go back to sleep.
they didn't.
so there i am cursing the garage.
that i absolutely swore i was going to love.
and i do.
just not at 7:30 in the morning.

freak, most babies don't sleep that late anyway!

what am i saying???!!!

agh, i'm so annoying!

i hope you're annoyed with me.

sitting here complaining about a garage.

a garage i'm lucky to have!

i just want a more quiet one.

more than anything, i'm just upsest b/c i went to bed too late, which made 7:30am feel like misery.

and i'd also like a piece of cake.

and i'd also like to eat it too.

although, i think i already am.

i think this is what mr. wallace would call ironic.
don't you think?
he hated that song.
b/c it really wasn't ironic.
but this is.
it really is.

please,

just call it like you see it.

my name is emily,

and i am a spoiled brat.

i'm going to leave my car out in the driveway,

let it snow,

and have to wipe all of the snow off,

like i have been for the last 7 years.

then i'll appreciate my garage again.

i want her clothes.

NEW

i love this picture.

we are the new ones.

church is from 2-5.

so not only are we the new ones,

but we are the ones with the outrageously ill-mannered toddler.

who screams through church.

throws gigantic tantrums.

and roars like a pirate during all of the quiet parts.

really, he did.

"arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggg!!!!"

all of which i completely blame on the fact that church is exactly at nap time.

the once was scout master and i just look at each other.

laughing.

with wide eyes.

the kind of laugh where we come to terms with the side show we must be looking like at that very moment.

and then you really do laugh b/c it feels like we're on some kind of reality show.

our kids would make great tv.

b/c really, it's funny.

baby is throwing her red bird thing b/c she wants to eat.

or sleep.

or chew on it.

or something.

once she's finally entertained,

and talked into the toy,

brennan wants her toy.

so he steals it.

then she screams.

so we make him give it back.

then he screams b/c he wants the toy we made him give back.

then we expertly convince him to love another toy.

which he drops.

then when he picks it up,

he bangs his head on the pew.

then he screams in pain,

but it really doesn't hurt as badly as he is putting on,

but it's nap time,

so everything is more dramatic.

then we pick up him for a hug,

and end up going for a walk in the hall b/c now no one can hear over his wails.

one of us stays with the baby who is crying by now as well b/c she is bored with her toy.

give her a rice cake,

bring brennan back,

he finds the baby's yogurt puffs.

he pours them all out,

and proceeds to eat them in large handfuls.

i keep seeing the $2.59 price tag in my head and realize that half the bag has just been devoured NOT by the baby they were purchased for, but by the toddler who now wants "more purple!"

then he finds his sister chewing on his choo choo track,

and it all starts again.

thank goodness, it's finally time to leave.

well, kind of.

i try to remember if i can remember anything the speakers said.

i know our neighbor was talking about home teaching.

not home school.

home teaching.

church at home.

and sometimes they take out our garbage.

there's nothing like good home teachers.
so today we left early.

but really, we were late,

b/c we had already been to church at our old church.

now we're in our quiet new house.

we will be recovering the rest of night.

see?

funny.

told you it was funny.

not funny?

when brennan drew dry erase marker on the pew.

that was just embarrassing.

and it made me wish we were in uncomfortable woods seats with no cushions for dry erase marker to stain.

two words my friends:

WET WIPES.

leave it to beaver

just remember,
there are NO stupid questions.
how do i fix this??
spray?
weed wacker?
edger?

i feel like i'm in leave it to beaver.
but in color.
i hope the neighbors haven't seen me in my underwear yet.
after living in a basement for 3 1/2 years,
i sometimes forget that people can see in my windows now.
especially at night.
oops.

it took 5-46 gallon bags of grass to call this baby of a yard mowed.

i did not mow it.

but it took 2 hours.

i am both proud and ashamed to say i had someone else mow it while the once was scout master was at work.

i've never been so glad i've paid someone to do something in my life.

well, maybe as glad as when i paid someone to give me an epidural.

that was pretty great too.

note: no baby was harmed in the mowing of the grass.

BACK to the future

the house is officially ours.
max puked on the floor to christen it.
carrots.
bright orange.
wiped right up.
and my blog is officially BACK in business.
computer fixed!
glory be.
the once was scout master parked his car in the garage for the first time tonight.
apparently, there was frost on his window this morning.
he immediately cleared boxes to make room for his car.
and now the fun begins...

Missing: PANTS

I haven't brushed my teeth today.
I haven't showered.
And I can't find the box with all of my pants.
I did find my shoes, which was determined yesterday to be the thing we might never find.
On Sunday I had the brilliant idea to make waffles.
I used our very last egg that had miraculously made the move safely, milk, and bisquick.
We were out of every other breakfast food, seeing as I havent been to the store in almost two weeks.
When I find my kitchen under all of the boxes I'm making enchiladas.
Creamy ones.
So I go to make the waffles.
Can't find the oil.
Used a tsp of evoo I found in a glass holder.
I was feeling like a genius.
Then they were cooked.
I scrounged up butter.
But no syrup.
We looked for syrup for 20 min before we decided to just put cold butter and whipped cream on top.
I found the syrup last night.
In the box with the vegtable oil.
And it made me laugh.
Out
Loud.

Adding to the list

Garbage cans for two more bathrooms.
Spaghetti containers.
The one that are air tight and make things look so nice and tidy.
Sheets for king size bed.
After 6 1/2 years of marriage we each have claimed one side of the basement and ordered a king size bed.
I remember thinking that people with king sized beds were so unromantic.
Not true my friends.
Not true.
Bath mat for kids.
New vacuum.
That won't suck my carpet so well.
I will miss it so much.
Children's motrin for the upstairs.
After going up and down 3 times last night between 11pm and 6am, we added a second bottle to the list.
Downstairs toilet bowl cleaner thing.
Toy bin for the backyard.
I'm pretty sure none of these are necessities.
I wish I had pictures.
It's just not as exciting without pictures.

The cowboy room

Max is alseep in our closet.
Her room is brighter than a cheerleader with pom poms.
Brennan is scared to go out in the yard without us.
I think the freedom overwhelms him.
Or the lure of all of the toys I've had boxed up for the last 8 months is keeping him in.
It's like christmas in our front entry.
Or maybe it's like that hoarders show.
I've assigned the scout master to curtain duty in the cowboy room.
Max's room is the cowboy room.
Except he's not the scout master anymore.
Brennan's room will be the cowboy room, but for now it's Max's room.
Curtains, must have curtains.
Now, where is that curtain rod from their old room...

Delicious Hydrangeas

Everything about our house is delicious.
The street.
The light fixtures.
The tile.
The linen closets.
The pantry I can spin around in.
The grass in my yard.
The stairs.
My closet!
Oh my closet!
The window treatments.
The garage.
I have a garage!
The hydrangeas the sellers left for us on the counter.
I want to roll around in the carpet.
Let the pork loin play all night.
Stay up for the sunrise.
I'm in love.
In so many ways.

No place

There is a 40 foot trailer outside my door.
It's john's.
Bless him.
I feel like we are going on vacation.
But with all of our stuff.
I have anxiety about leaving our home.
The one we brought our babies home to.
The one I became a mother in.
To go live in someone else's memories.
Like I'm stealing their space or something.
Funny thing buying a home from someone else.
I wonder when it will actually feel like ours?
I feel like this isn't ours here either now.
Almost like we've been left without a place.
Which is odd b/c this will be the first place that is actually ours.
It's all very surreal.
I still feel like our realtor is going to call us and say, "just kidding, hope you have a place to live b/c this one really isn't yours!"
I've become so comfortable with renting that it is hard for me to get comfortable with the idea of owning.
A home.
B/c right now it's just a place.
That doesn't quite feel like ours.
But in no time I'll be cleaning the tub and planting the perineal flowers.
Well I won't be planting flowers for awhile.
Brennan will spill milk on the carpet.
That is under the kitchen table.
And then it will start to feel like ours.
But right now it just feels like we're leaving our life to go on vacation.
Have mercy.

Where I

On our way to sign the deed to our house I felt excited.
Like we were on our way to have a baby.
Except for the part about the baby.
No heartburn.
Back pain from lifting boxes, not from something sitting on pelvis.
Instead, We got all of the joy without any labor pains.
Now I am standing in my kitchen.
Surrounded by so much clutter and disorder that I want to cry.
I go to start one thing and find myself somewhere else.
I go to organize the desk and I end up packing half of a box from the pantry.
Where I go to find something that will fit in the open box from the pantry.
Where I find a pile of clothes in the hall.
Where I separate into darks and whites.
Put some into the washer.
Where I stand deciding if I want to run one last load of laundry.
So I go out to the kitchen to see if I can throw anything else in the laundry.
Where I see some receipts.
That I add to the pile to calculate in the budget.
Where I remember I was trying to pack a box in the pantry.
And then I hear max cry from the back of the house.
And I want to cry with her b/c I don't know what to put in the box from the pantry.
So I decide to call it quits and finish in the morning, but then I pass the box on the way to the pantry and talk myself into finishing it b/c we are moving.
Like TOMORROW.
And then I'm excited again.
And my skin is crawling from the boxes all around.
And I wonder how the hoarders do it.
Tripping over crap at every turn.
So I think I'll try to pack that box b/c hopefully it will give max time to fall back asleep and maybe it will make something feel more organized.
Does moving always feel this disorganized at the end?
I must have forgotten.
When I see there's some bubblewrap left and have an idea about starting another box...

Shovels, hoses, and mowers

Things I have realized we will need that we don't have:
Towels for 3 bathrooms
Toilet scrubber for 3 bathrooms
Bath mat for 2 bathrooms
2 outside hoses
Lawn mower
Gas for the mower
Rake
Shovel
Snow shovel
Ice melt
Edger
Shower curtains for 2 bathrooms
Soap for 3 bathrooms
...
I wonder what I've forgotten.
Close tomorrow.
Move in Friday.
Somebody pinch me:-)

Hot wrap job

It's the scout master's 29th birthday.
I have no computer to show you the hot wrapping job I did for his present.
It is back in the shop for the third time.
The computer.
Not the hot wrapping job.
After this they tell me I get a refund if they can't fix it.
I'm 50/50 on if I want them to fix it.
Heidi is here packing up my kitchen.
Bless her.
I wrapped the scout master's present with packing paper.
Dinner is on paper plates with plastic forks.
We survived our road trip to chico with both kids.
The first 6 hours we said "why don't we do this more often?! This is awesome."
The last two hours we were saying we'd never drive ever again.
I do love my cc bill though.
Second star to the right and straight on 'til Thursday.
I've never been so exciting about paying for utilities in my life.