i want max to know.

max found the tupperware.

i love it when i'm busy in the dishes or preparing meals,

and the kids are peacefully entertained right by my side.

bliss.

i want max to know.

how perfect she is.
how beautiful she is.
how her breath on my face lifts me into euphoria.
how her smile lights up a room.
her soft skin.
her eyes that sparkle.
that she is a daughter of god.
that she and brennan are choice spirits that have graced our home.
that she and brennan have changed me into a person i never knew i'd have the pleasure of becoming.
that being herself is the most beautiful thing she will ever cultivate within herself.
i marvel at her independence.
her assertiveness.
her intellect.
her curiosity.
the way she smiles.
the way she falls backwards without a care in the world.
the way she turns her head to the side and rolls across the floor.
her mellow laugh.
her ability to be happy.
all
of
the
time.
her cheeks.
her little body.
her delicate toes.
her tiny little face.
her itty bitty bum.
her hands.
her lips.
her wispy blonde hair.
her dainty hands.
the way she hangs onto my legs when i'm doing dishes in the kitchen.
her eye lashes that float up and down like the most beautiful feather gracing the skies.
how when she's tired, she puts her head on my shoulder, and i float to heaven.
the way twinkle twinkle little star is her favorite song.
and how she dances to music anytime it comes on.
rocking back and forth.
or bouncing on her toes.
how she is deathly afraid of santa.
even looking at him.
how she loves to peek outside.
with her her chin lifted up and her eyes looking out into the world.
how she adores her big brother.
in.
every.
way.
how she laughs.
especially, when brennan makes her laugh.
there is no greater joy.
than listening to my two kids laugh.
together.
and getting to watch.
is my gift.
how she pumps her legs and shouts for dad when she hears the garage door open at the end of the day.
how she can eat more than me.
i want her to know,
that whatever challenges she may face,
that when the insecurities come,
that there is something greater than us all.
more powerful than anything we can imagine.
that created her.
created brennan.
who gave us this remarkable life.
a heavenly father.
for her to draw upon.
who loves me enough to bless my life with their father, and given me the chance to be in the presence of these amazing children.
for this magical ride.
of motherhood.

...
when you don't feel like cooking,
do this:
this morning i cleaned out my vegetable drawer.
found a rotting tomato.
it was gross.
threw in some yams i had forgotten about.
a quarter of a purple onion.
leftover from pizza night.
love their pretty color.
hate their eye watering tinge.
too lazy to put my goggles on.
so i stuck my face into the freezer.
it helped.
and then i found the rest of the baby carrots.
now they are all sitting in the fatty juices of my boston butt roast.
on low.
for 7-8 hours.