bieber standing by my bed.

tonight i feel like a grown up.
up until my 18th birthday,
my parents would lay out little sus's at my breakfast place to be there on my birthday morning.
not all of the presents.
just a few to make my birthday extra special before heading off to school.
oh how i LOVED my birthday on a school day.
balloons,
locker treats,
choir class singing me a birthday song,
going out to lunch,
but the breakfast sus presents always made the day complete.
almost like christmas morning.
but better.
b/c they were all for me!
bieber is getting extra spoiled this year with a little more than a few sus's.
lucky little dude.
i'm so excited for him to come into our room tomorrow morning.
he said he wanted waffles and whipped cream for breakfast.
hopefully it won't be at 3:30am.
like last night.
we finally mustered the energy to convert his crib into a toddler bed on tuesday night.
until tuesday, he had said he wanted to stay in his crib.
tuesday, he was a new man.
wanting a big boy bed.
we said we would change it when he asked.
biggest shocker is that he's napping again.
amazing.
so at 3:30am last night.
my eyes popped open to my darling little bieber standing beside my bed.
in a whispered voice i heard,
"mommy, i awake."
uh yes, i think you're right.
go back to bed, i say.
"mommy, i all done sleeping."
no sir, no, go back to bed.
"yes sir, i awake."
which is when i rolled over and started hitting sean in the arm.
or maybe the chest?
maybe the head?
i can't remember.
i just started pushing him so he would wake up and handle this.
i surely did not want to get up.
sean got out of bed
(he handles most of the nighttime stuff b/c the man literally can be awake and asleep in the middle of the night at the same time.)
i cannot.
once i'm fully up.
i'm up.
and who knows when i'm falling back to sleep.
if somebody really needs mommy,
period,
then i'm up,
but if it's a quick fix,
sean's the man.
i love him.
so sean got up,
walked around the bed,
and brennan dug his face into my armpit.
"no, i stay with mommy. i awake."
after trying to talk him into walking back on his own,
sean finally picked him up,
got him a drink downstairs,
and at some point before 4:30am got him back to bed.
and as i cleaned out my car tonight i started to think.
i already miss having little babies and toddlers.
which is odd b/c i have them right now.
what i mean,
is that i'm so in love with this baby and toddler that i don't ever want it to end.
i can be tired.
i can be frustrated and drained.
but can i please just have this baby and toddler,
where we hang out all day.
and just go about life without anything demanding us.
can we just do this always?
b/c i already miss it,
and i'm in it.
every single minute.
i am trying to drink in.
slowly.
but this is only how i'm feeling today.
b/c a month ago,
i was feeling exhausted,
overrun,
depleted,
and completely overwhelmed.
funny how it works that way.
bipolar mama is happy today.
very
very
happy today.