dear brennan

dear brennan,

i was pregnant with you while i was in my second year of teaching.

the 2nd grade to be exact.

i was so sick all of the time.

i ate taco bell cheesy gordita crunches and drank dr. pepper at 11am.

it was the only thing that made me feel ok.

i still can't drink orange juice b/c i drank it those first few months.

i couldn't sleep at night b/c i was so nauseous. 

i thought i would never like food ever again.

i'm so glad i was wrong.

i made you a quilt the last two months you grew.

i didn't even know how to sew.

and then i made the bumpers for your crib.

it was so fun to think about you coming.

i worked two days past my due date.

you were so so big.

i just didn't know it.

i remember it was agony to walk from my classroom to the bathroom.

which i had to do about 10 times during the day.

at 41 weeks dr. nielson induced me.

i learned that pitocin is wretched without an epidural,

which they FINALLY let me have after 2 hours of mountainous pitocin contractions. 

i remember feeling like i was going to throw up and wanting to swear.

but i didn't do either.

and i was nice to dad and all of the doctors and nurses.

i am still so proud about that:)

after they gave me my blessed epidural my blood pressure dropped.

3 shots of adrenaline finally brought it back up.

i felt great the entire time.

but everyone else was freaking out.

even dr. nielson.

but especially the charge nurse.
everyone looked calm,
but they were all huddled around my monitor and i could see in their eyes that they were worried.

i pushed for 2 hours.

you finally arrived at 7:29pm.
from start to finish it took 12 hours.
almost on the dot.

no one could believe how big you were.

8.2lbs was dr. nielson's guess.

i guessed 8lbs even.
the nurse and sean said something in the 7's.

we were all wrong.

i thought you had curly hair like grandpa,

but you didn't.

it just looked that way b/c it was wet.

it was so cute how fat you were.

everyone in the room gasped when they weighed you.

9lbs. 4 ounces.
and 21 and 1/2 inches long.

i remember thinking that none of the newborn clothes people gave me were going to fit.

but they did.

for a few weeks:)

you swallowed meconium during your delievery.

and threw up green the next day.

the pediatrician on call ordered an x-ray b/c she didn't think your esophagus was attached right.

we didn't like her.

i cried.

you had to drink barium so they could see if everything was attached right.

it was.

dad set off all of the alarms in the hospital and had 15 nurses and security guards running at him on the way to drop you off for it.

they called it a "CODE PINK."

you would hate that now.

and you'd want it to be a code blue.

something about someone forgetting to scan your tags set it off.

i laughed so hard when dad told me.

i still love hearing him tell that story.

you were the biggest baby in the nursery.

and all of the nurses kept coming in to see who had pushed you out.

they couldn't believe it was little ol' me.

my pelvis is awesome.

it is a known fact.

i stayed up the entire first night.

holding you in my arms.

the nurses said it was b/c of the adrenaline.

i just say it was true love:)

the night we brought you home from the hospital you cried for 4 hours straight.

i nursed you.

dad changed you.

we didn't know what to do.

so we called the nursery at st. mark's.

i'm pretty sure they laughed after they hung up the phone.
we were 110% amateurs.

they told us to give you a bottle.

so dad went to smith's at 4 o'clock in the morning and bought a canister of formula.
{we didn't even know they sent us home with some when we left the hospital until later.}

you guzzled it down and fell right to sleep.

we woke up and called grandma gibson and grandma carol to come take care of you and the house while we slept most of the morning.

everyday those first 6 weeks i would hold you all day long.

rock you in our big tan rocking chair.

feed you.

play with you.

change you.

i sang "baby beluga" about 50 times a day until you'd finally fall asleep.

and i'd watch tv while you napped on me.

i love you my baby brennan.

you changed me forever when you made me a mother.

in the very best of ways.

love, MOM