your perfectly clean baby smelling state

dear chase,

i can't get over your squishy body.

cheeks.

face.

pudgy feet.

little mouth.

your upper lip.

oh how i love to kiss your upper lip!

cabbage patch arms.

and hands.

i could poke your Michelin body over and over and over again.

with my index finger.

right in your tummy.

just above your belly button.

i do it, and you laugh and laugh,

and then after awhile you cry so i stop.

i especially love to scoop you up out of the tub and hold you in front of the mirror.

i always think i don't need anymore more pictures of you this way,

but then i look at you, 

and i think that even though i thought it was impossible,

you MUST have actually defeated all odds 

and gotten cuter than you were the last time i got you out of the tub.

two days ago.

so i pawn dad's phone off of him, 

and i take about 10 more pictures of you and me in front of the mirror 

b/c i want to document this exact moment when i am feeling so happy and in love 

with you fresh out of the tub.

and then i take you to my room, 

lay you down on your soft cream covered baby changing pad,

and slather you in pink baby lotion.

your skin is so soft and gushy.

like satin.

if you are really tired you scream like you are hurt, but i know you aren't.

if you are not tired,

you squirm all around and bang your toys against the wall beside you.

there are scrapes and scratches in a variety of colors from you doing this over and over again.

i love it.

i have never tried to clean or wipe any of the marks off.

i bite your hip.

but really it's just more of a kiss.

you chuckle so deep and try to roll away.

usually it's just the right one b/c it's the one closest to me.

then i sneak a kiss on your lips.

we listen to dad wrestle the other two in the tub around the corner.

sometimes you do your baby man squawk at them.

i always make sure to lotion your face,

put your diaper on,

slip you into a clean outfit or a pair of your fleecy footie pajamas,

and then i comb your little red hair.

you always try to eat the comb or grab it so you can bite the rubber end.

then i give you a kiss on the side of your forehead,

right next to the side of your eye,

and i ALWAYS ALWAYS take a big deep breath when i do it,

so i can smell you in your perfectly clean baby smelling state.

and for that moment,

i float away to what i know must be heaven.

i just can't imagine life without you.

i am bursting i love you and your baby man state so much.

love,

MOM

p.s.

i love dad, max, and brennan just as much too.

let there be no confusion about that.