"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Sunday, December 29, 2013


did i tell you about the time last week when all of my kids were puking?
and there was so much puke that i described it to people as oceans of puke?
things we learned 
during "oceans of puke":
1. max has great luck with tiled floor. thank you max.
2. brennan pukes like a walking zombie that's puking. he means well. it just turns out bad{ly}.
3. puking babies are by far worse than any other form of puking human. 
b/c they're quiet people, except when they're not. 
and you don't know they're puking 
b/c you're holding the garbage can lid open for your 5 yr old who's currently puking,
so he can puke into the garbage can 
b/c the puke bowls are all being washed in the dishwasher 
and really, it just seems efficient for him to puke into the garbage can at this point in the process,
and then right at that minute the baby comes around the corner puking,
and you're thinking
"baby puking! baby puking! get him onto the floor!"
you know, b/c there's carpet everywhere.
a house of carpet.
and so you're holding the garbage open with one foot and reaching out for the baby with an arm,
and you feel like you've got things under control,
and your husband is coming through with his one man hazmat crew,
and then you go around the corner and you see it.
oceans of puke.
from the baby that was walking around looking for you.
puking everywhere he walked while he was looking for you.
oceans of puke guys.
and so you get on the horn right away and schedule the carpet cleaner to come the next morning.
and they are there bright and early,
b/c they are awesome like that.
and they remember the time they came for the purple berry smoothie that max spilled all over the carpet in your bedroom when chase was 3 weeks old.
like i said, they're awesome like that.
and then they clean your recliner chair,
and tell you it was worse than last time,
but not the worst they've seen,
and you take that as a compliment.
and then he cleans the sap off of the love seat for free.
because you know,
the guys at action extraction are awesome like that.


jen said...

Not the post I was expecting from the title. Get better. And get a spotbot. It really helps with oceans of puke.

Amy said...

Only you could make a family of puking into something funny. I laughed picturing you contorting yourself to get the puking baby, but I imagine there was no laughter going on in that moment. Wow. Seriously, wow!