letters to Beth {spiders in a tree, being flexible, and sean's out of shaving cream now}

{that skipper though...woo woo!}

...

dear beth,

guten morgen!!!

today was a perfect thursday morning here in the gibson house of chaos.

see, thursday mornings have the potential to be horrendous.

HORRENDOUS.

sean has a 7am meeting,

so i am left to fend for myself with three kids that need to get to school and a breastfeeding dean.

but today, mmm, it was good.

max came in at 6:40, which normally would irritate me,

but i was in the middle of a spider dream,

where there was this tree we were going to put back in our yard {in the dream we had taken a full grown tree out of our yard for i don't know why, and we were going to move it back now because we wanted it back--don't ask me why, it was just what was going on in my crazy dream. apparently i want a tree in my yard that used to be there but really in real life has never really been there}.

so the tree.

it was INFESTED with spiders.

and i kept thinking about should we spray the tree before we move it back to our yard because there were too many to kill on our own,

but then i couldn't make peace with that idea because i was remembering the KSL article i read last week about the home in midvale that's infested with spiders and the pest control people have told them to NOT spray because it will drive the spiders into the house,

and i was worried that if we sprayed the tree it would drive the spiders out of the tree and into the house, even though this FULLY GROWN tree wasn't even planted in our yard anyway,

we were just going to be moving back there.

i remember thinking that i didn't want to spray the tree and have the spiders all come out and make their way to our house or into my car,

which wasn't actually my car.

i was using this old mustang of this kid i went to high school with,

so instead we just moved the rest of our stuff which was now entering our my dream and needed to be moved back into our house.

i finally decided that we would just forget about moving the tree back because i decided it wasn't worth it to risk having all of the spiders come into the house.

BUT THE TREE WAS FULLY GROWN AND REALLY FAR AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE.

like this looked like a couple of thousand of years old tree.

i'm thinking that it was actually a pretty amazing dream though because i real life i have a hard time letting things go when i have my heart set on them,

and in this dream i REALLY had my heart set on having this tree in my yard.

but with the spiders and all it just wasn't working out.

and i think what this dream was trying to tell me was that i'm learning to let things go.

the things that i might have my heart set on sometimes just aren't meant to go the way i always want them to go.

and i'm not even talking about anything in particular here.

no hidden message!

i'm talking about like being flexible.

which is something 4th baby dean has really changed in me.

like sometimes we have to do homework three different times in the night to get it all done,

and in two different places.

like maybe we start in the kitchen,

and then later we take a clipboard out onto the porch.

kind of like,

it's not about finishing things just to finish them and be done,

but more like just being settled in whatever moment we're in,

and not being so focused on getting the job done so we can move to the next.

like one day i will clean one bathroom,

and two days later i will clean two more,

but i don't have to have it all done on the same day all at once anymore.

because that just doesn't work for my life right now.

i'm telling you,

i feel all grown up about this.

and it's amazing.

and i know it's for real maturity because the thought process is crossing over into my dreams.

dreams NEVER lie!

they always tell me the truth about what i'm really feeling.

and why did i get to have this dream you ask?

because baby dean is consistently starting to sleep 10-12 hours every night.

yes my friend IT'S TRUE!!!

which is why i wasn't mad when max woke me up ten minutes before my alarm,

but i had already been asleep for 7 UNINTERRUPTED hours of glorious glorious sleep:)

which is also why i got out of bed happy.

really really happy!

also a little bit because i wasn't dreaming about spiders and spider webs anymore

{i think the spiders were in the dream bc ann marie and i went walking the other night and there was a big black recluse on the cement wall when we walked past it and it haunted me the rest of the walk}.

so then i got max all fed and ready and made brennan's lunch,

praying 

praying 

PRAYING 

with ALL of my heart that dean wouldn't wake up 

until the A-team {brennan and max} got off to school,

{because i knew i wouldn't have time to nurse him 

if he did and the man hadn't eaten since 8:15 the night before},

and then i woke brennan up and got him all fed and ready 

{while miraculously max quietly entertained herself with playing cars in the big room},

and then right on cue chase came down the stairs as i was waving goodbye to max and brennan getting into susie's car for morning carpool,

so i got HIM all dressed and fed and ready,

and then JUST as he walking over to watch cartoons for the half an hour we had left before i needed to drive him to school,

dean woke up, nursed,

and then it was time to take chase to school.

i can't even tell you how amazing this all felt!

my children make me feel smart when they do all of these wonderful things for me on the very same day.

they are geniuses i say!

also, all of my praying helped i'm sure.

now i intend to shower,

do laundry,

and play pretend i only have one baby for the next 45 minutes before i leave to pick them all up from school again.

this is the life of a mother of 4 children and i love it.

i mean, when things go really great it's easy to love.

pray for me on thursdays

because lord knows they can't all go well.

which i guess means that some thursdays i'll have to decide that the spiders in the tree just aren't moving the fully grown tree into our backyard for.

which i think means maybe brennan might take hot lunch on some thursdays,

and maybe we'll have to turn on the tv sometimes too.

but not today.

not today:)

i'm so glad max woke me up from that dream!

{bad news: our plan failed. my kids think that breakfast for dinner 

is ACTUALLY breakfast for dinner. i gave it to them for breakfast too much. 

and now they think it's breakfast for dinner, not dinner for breakfast like we planned. dang it.}

{i gave in and canned salsa. SO GLAD I DID! 

except poor chase rubbed onion juice into his eyes. it was so so so sad.}

{the mini fridge in our bedroom that we put there SOLELY for chase's sippy of milk when dean was a newborn and we just needed chase to go back to sleep. man i think we've got him trained out of that now, so when i went to unplug it and wipe up all the water from the icebox, i found a frozen wonder woman and superman getting frisky together. these kids make me laugh. i wonder how long they've been in there anyway?}

{he peed on me. i took this picture.}

{then chase threw a plastic blue shovel in the air, and the tip landed right on dean's left side of his forehead. it was the saddest thing i've ever seen. so i let him have a few licks of my popsicle.}

{brennan can REALLY REALLY read now. like reading chapter books TO HIMSELF are in our near future. i can't even believe it. have never felt so proud!}

max's story?

chase pulled her into the shower,

covered HER in shaving cream ALL over HER.

i couldn't even get mad b/c i was laughing so hard.

i'm going to text you the video.

i've watched it about 3 thousand times, and i laugh harder and harder every time i watch it.

"ok, so chaser went in the shower, pulled me in, he did it all over me, riiiiight?"

no!

yes!

no!

yeeeees!!!

nooooooo!!!!!!

and that was how it went down.

i mean it's a good thing i wasn't on a full bladder or anything b/c it's really that funny.

how's life back in germany?

how's bear's leg healing?

are the boys back in school yet?

send me pictures of germany in fall please.

i'm lusting for cooler temps, but the weather man says we're in for 90's still this weekend.

i love you!

i miss you!

what are you cooking?

love,

emiline

cake in a mug

cake in a mug.

I REPEAT:

CAKE 

IN 

A

MUG!!!!

go forth and make them.

you're welcome. 

1. make your box of cake mix.

2. spray your mugs with pam.

3. 1/2 cup cake mix in each mug.

4. cook for 1 min. in microwave.

5. add your frosting.

{god bless susie swensen and her genius FHE treats.}

the end.

formerly know as ghandi

last sunday was the worst day.

it wouldn't end.

and i felt like a break would never come.

i kept thinking about how big of a baby i was being because really,

what was so bad about my day other than 4 cranky kids anyway?

and then i felt even worse for being such a whiner.

because it was sunday and all, 

and i was thinking about how i should be more grateful for my blessings and spiritual stuff like that,

but all i was doing was whining about how i had 4 cranky kids,

and a baby that wouldn't nurse.

mostly the day was rough because dean went on a hunger strike.

for almost twelve hours dean wouldn't nurse!

{and don't go talking to me about broccoli and spinach and kale and stuff 

because i didn't eat any of it, so let's not even bring it up ok? ok.}

so no joke, dean wouldn't eat.

and after six hours of him not nursing i finally pumped,

and he wouldn't take the bottle.

he takes bottles.

he just wouldn't take THAT bottle on THAT day.

{he did this to me last tuesday too.}

he would not take it from me.

he would not take it from sean.

nada.

zilch.

nothing!

i was exhausted.

and it seems so silly now.

but my brain was just spent.

so sean and i were sitting in the big room trying to get dean to drink his bottle,

and i'm wondering how long ghandi was going to lay over there holding out on us over the milk,

when all of a sudden, little max walked into the room and asked if she could feed him,

and i was all sassy to her like,

"gooooo aheeaaaaad! do your worst."

'cause i KNEW he was just gonna scream and not take a bottle from her either,

and then i was gonna have screaming dean AND hurt feelings crying max.

and then probably chase would start crying bc he's a sympathy crier you know,

and if all three are crying then why not make something up for brennan to join in with too.

this is what i was thinking.

welp, do you wanna know what happened?

that baby dean {formerly known as ghandi} 

gulped down 5 and a half ounces of pumped breastmilk from that mama max.

yep,

mmm-hmmmm.

he did.

god bless siblings.

and god bless mama max.

i couldn't get that stinker to nurse until 10am the next day.

wish i knew what he was so mad about all that time:/

but you know what?

i don't know if i've ever seen max so proud in her entire life.

in being a little bit old

"you've got that

james DEAN

dayyyyy dreeeeeaaaaam

look in your eyeeeeesssssssssss"

{and also a right ear that always flaps out.}

did you know the high school girls don't even know who james dean is?
the one they're all singing about in the taylor swift song.

do you know the one?

YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!

they don't even know who james dean is!!!

i couldn't even believe it.

this fact i learned from my niece last weekend,

and it made me feel a little bit old.

just a little bit. 

and then i told her to google it,

so she would know.

and i would do my part.

in being a little bit old.

split jury

{they were singing the superman theme song. all of them. "doo doo DOOO do do do do do dooooo". you get it. and dean was being flown back and forth. i could have peed my pants it was so funny.}

...

my kids are arguing 
a lot right now.

LIKE A LOT.

like i'm feeling like i'm in a constant state of anxiety most of the time.

and it's driving me BONKERS.

this morning while i was making them all scrambled eggs before school,

max said she wanted just salt on hers,

and the boys said they wanted theirs "creamy" {this means i mix in mayo with it--they love it},

and so based on past experiences with such a split jury, 

i verified TWICE that max ONLY wanted salt on hers before i passed out everyone's plates and took on the task of making brennan and sean's lunches,

and do you want to know what that little max did?

started WHINING AT ME that she wanted creamy eggs too.

like i had never even asked her and purposely left her out or something.

i probably had steam coming out of both nostrils and my ears at the same time.

i'm sure i was silent.

bc this is what i do when i'm EXTRA irritated.

i get silent.

and then i sigh.

i learned this from my dad.

it used to scare the BEE-JEEZ-ES out of us kids,

and now, i know he did it bc it just feels so refreshing,

and also it keeps you from killing your kids.
sean says i've added a blink to the method.
a SLOOOOOW blink.

so max saying she wanted mayo in her eggs,

AFTER SHE TOLD ME TWICE 2 MINUTES BEFORE THAT SHE DIDN'T

basically pushed me over the edge,

as that it where i feel i've been standing for the last several weeks since school started anyway,

at which point i told them i was going to send them all away bc i just couldn't live this way anymore!

have you seen the movie mean girls?

where the girls tell another girl "you can't SIT with us!" and she says it in a really crazy voice that's mostly strung out and irrational, and her eyes are all buggy and crazy?

yep, that was basically me this morning,

except i was talking about scrambled eggs that needed mayo added.

SCRAMBLED EGGS THAT NEEDED MAYO ADDED.

i mean good heavens, i don't know what the big deal was.

oh right, it was that i had already asked her twice before two minutes ago.

that's right:)

so at that point i walked over in my steaming fury, added the mayo, added more salt so as not to be accused of not adding salt and have THAT on top of the mayo agitation i was already in, and then i got back to slicing cheese for brennan's lunch.

so then sean started reading harry potter aloud,

and we're at the part where harry sets the snake free at the aquarium,

and i ate a peach bc i wondered if maybe i was just grouchy bc i was hungry,

and then we wrestled clothes and toothbrushes onto everyone,

and put the A-TEAM {brennan and max} on the porch for carpool,

at which point we waved goodbye and walked into the kitchen to declare victory on another morning of getting the kids out the door alive,

and sean told me that me telling the kids i was going to send them away over scrambled eggs was probably the highlight of his entire day {and he said this all cute and laughing like which made it all the more endearing--and also it made me start laughing bc it just lightened everything up}, and then he was all "please don't send me away" 

and we both just kept standing there laughing about it, 

even though i was actually 75% serious about sending them away.

over scrambled eggs that needed mayo.

can we just be adjusted to school being back in,

and homework,

two kids doing homework!

and friends coming in and out of my house all night,

and toys everywhere at the worst time of the day which is 5:30pm-8pm????

ok great.

thanks!
i feel better now:)

getting max to dance once a week takes all i can muster.

ain't NO WAY i can add in the karate brennan keeps asking for.

not unless they have a free shuttle.

oh my gosh, 

WHAT IF KARATE HAD A FREE SHUTTLE??!!??

they would make so much more money if they offered a free shuttle.

i think that's called a taxi.

a mom taxi.

but what if karate had a shuttle...

.

.

.

.

.

P.S.

i went to the store for toilet paper,

and do you wanna know what i forgot to buy?

yep.

toilet paper.

or straight hair

it was my attempt for crimpy hair on picture day.

let's just say it looked cuter this way.

we spent the five minutes before carpool came

combing water through everything but the top braid to save the day.

next time we're going with curlers.

or straight hair.

maybe we should just go with straight hair...

i'll get to them later

i'm a changed woman!

because having dishes in the sink from the night before doesn't even bother me.

mostly because i know this means i went to bed without bothering to stay up late to do them.

which means MORE SLEEP,

which means HAPPIER EMILY IN THE MORNING.

{they CANNOT be out all over the counter--some things will NEVER change;)...}

i'll get to them later.

and i really mean it.

it's actually kind of weird.

and i LOVE it.

{probably the best thing having a 4th kid ever taught me.}

that's what she said.

yep.

i was 18

i was 18

and a freshmen at chico state.
up early doing homework on my laptop.
my roommate was asleep still.
i didn't have any of the lights on because i didn't want to wake her.
and then somebody was knocking on my door really loud.
i couldn't figure out why anyone would be waking us up at 7am on a tuesday.
ashlee had to tell me twice because i didn't understand what she was saying.
we watched the second plane hit on live television as we walked into her room.
i remember listening to the terror in the announcers voice as we all realized it was no accident.
we spent the rest of the day huddled around the giant big screen box television
in the game room on the bottom floor of whitney hall watching the news.
classes didn't get cancelled until later that day.
i remember i went to nutrition 101 at 11am,
and the teacher sent us back home.

where were you?