"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Monday, April 27, 2009

i don't usually wear makeup.

am i keeping it real enough?
oh dear. i hope i am.
i am an optimistic realist.
is that an oxymoron?
or is it just a way for pessimists to sound more optimistic?
see this picture?
see that red lipstick?
i don't wear it during the day.
i can't keep my lips off of Gushy's cheeks.
or tummy for that matter.
i only wear it on special occasions.
and sometimes to church.
see that makeup?
i don't usually wear it.
i loathe taking it off.
especially mascara.
not even to church.
although, i always powder for church.
i must.
and usually i use a little concealer b/c i have "redish tints."
that's what the lady at the MAC counter told me when i was 15.
i'll never leave my house without chapstick and a water bottle.
it just won't happen.
ask anyone.
last night i couldn't sleep.
i tossed and turned.
i thought about the jogger stroller i sold on ksl.
b/c i had bought a "better" one from sears.
it really is better, but nothing is ever perfect.
me and comparisons just don't get on too well together.
you know, comparing this to that.
so i laid there for an hour comparing the two strollers.
mind you i had already sold the other one, which made the process more "anxiety-ish."
and it was on sunday.
sigh.
i must not be praying enough lately.
usually when i'm praying more i am more sensitive to sunday worthy activities.
so laying there in bed, 12:36am is one time i looked at the clock.
the new one plays my ipod.
that's an entirely separate story.
remind me to tell it later?
it folds down with one hand (the stroller, not the ipod), it has a bigger basket, it has a steering wheel that sings, honks, and makes the key ignition sound. it has cup holders, pockets galore!
i paid the same price for each stroller.
the one i have now is obviously a better buy.
it's what sean would call "T.O. in the nfl draft."
the "exciting" pick! the "fancy dancy," "i have a MAC pick."
not really, but i did blog from one once. remember?
i attach to things.
like strollers.
i tried to sell my desk on ksl too.
only you utah people know what i mean by that huh?
well, i had 3 calls for the desk, but could not bring myself to sell it.
i am typing from it now.
quite happily:-)
it was my first desk as a college student in her first "big girl apartment."
i may never get rid of it.
poor sean. he's shaking his head right now.
despite it all, he still says i'm #1.
why do i hold onto things?
would oprah's organizing guy tell me i have life issues i need to sort out?
probably so.
i also thought about how much easier it is to fall asleep when you have a newborn around.
so i turned on my new lamp from IKEA that i hung with pride on saturday night.
it's a big ball and it's LOVELY.
i don't care for the white-ish light, but i do love the style and ambiance it brings during the day.
i read and read and read, "these is my words."
i felt inspired by sarah.
her honesty, her desire to be someone else, but courage to be herself.
i need some more of that.
some days are better than others.
i thought about cutting my hair.
short-ER.
i have a fear of short brown hair.
not on others, just on myself.
and then i got tired.
and i thought about how much i hate not being able to fall asleep, but how quiet and thoughtful those nights are.
still, i'd rather just fall asleep.
anyone other than sue make it all the way through this??? oh sue, you're such a doll! bless you:-)

9 comments:

Amy said...

Wow, you have about a gajillion thoughts goin on in that head of yours (beautiful with or without the makeup). Word of caution... I had a beautiful jogging stroller like that once... and then somebody stole it. Keep yours under lock and key. Good luck with your indecision with everything. I think short hair can be super cute, but I don't think I will ever do it again for fear of looking like a poodle. I say for you to just go for it!

Erin Ellsworth said...

I want to cut my hair too, but not yet!

These Is My Words is my favorite book. I am so glad you have read it. I want to read it again. Sarah inspires me too. (so do you!)

Missy said...

talk about story of my life for the past 4 months of no sleep. there was even one time i prayed just to be able to toss and turn. that neck collar was the closest thing to a straight jacket! as far as the hair dilemm. you made it over the biggest hurdle 1st [blonde turning to the dark side, switching teams, betrayal of the blonde ways etc.] that's the hard part - the biggest plunge. so short-ER? depends on the definition. you know i'm like the epitome of over analysis especially when it comes to materialistic matters. here i go, rambling on just like you. seriously, no wonder we're friends. we think WAY too much [both a blessing and a curse]. don't you hate that the things that make us "us" are the best things but then those best things are also our worst? ahh. k, so short-er? if so, i'd go 1 in. below the shoulders with blended layers [not in hack-job machete kind of way]. you're "girl" you go to can totally be trusted with this. so, the jist? jist dooo it!

em said...

miss,
that is kind of what i had in mind, but i don't want the layers to go to the ear ya know? we'll see, i may just have to think a few more years on it;-)
e

Natalie said...

I made it all the way through this! :)
So many thoughts to keep you up at night. I'm going to be praying that you get some nice, peaceful sleep!!
Love ya!

keri said...

So I had major issues about going with Short hair while it's brown. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, But I have always loved Long Brown Hair. I'm still kickin myself slightly for breaking down and cutting it, but lucky for me I have super growing hair and It will be back in 6 months.
And I love my stroller! So thank you for telling me about your sweet deal so I could get one too! And Christi bought one too, so she thanks you also. You are the best!!!

Jess said...

They call stream of consciousness, I call it random sleep disrupting thoughts, its lovely isn't it? Didn't realize you were plagued with them too. Next time we walk I'll tell you a trick- sorry too lazy to type it all now :)

Fiauna said...

I made it through the whole thing--and loved every sentence.

I, too, have a fear of short brown hair on me. ; )

Emmy said...

I made it through to! I have a Mac and I love it :) I had long hair all through high school than went shorter, but not short in high school. I like it short though.. I was afraid to have it that way at first. I recently wrote about it on my blog.
Short hear is great for summer, but with short hair it is harder to pull it up in a pony tail, especially when you have really thick hair like I do, so sometimes longer hair can be cooler. :)
Good luck, if only hair could grow back instantly!

P.S Go Cougars!