"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

short, brown hair

remember the red tint the MAC lady told me.
here it is in full force
(trying to see what short brown hair would look like)
i am afraid of short brown hair.
i think it looks DANG CUTE on my friends.
i think it looks NOT CUTE on me.
let me begin at the summer before my senior year of high school.
actually, i'd better take you back to junior year.
junior year i had really long hair.

me (left) & paige, junior year

that summer i saw my cousin's hair.
it was so cute and short.
so i went to my mom's hairdresser (these are the pre-kim days, she would have never allowed me to make such a drastic decision without some serious discussion before. if you are in crisis, you are not allowed to drasticly change your hair. love you kim).
and i chopped it.
to my ears.
it was cute for about 2 weeks.

then i took my senior portraits.

not awful.
but it's short.
i had always wanted long hair.
i had worked really hard to grow it out.
why was i taking senior pictures with short brown hair?
to this day i still don't know.
then i ate a lot.
i think this is the main issue.
what it all boils down to.
i'm a good eater.
15 pounds later i had short brown hair and really tight pants.
i even had some of my friends' mom tell me what a cute cut i had and
"could they have my hair dresser's number to get the same one?"
sounds like such a compliment now, but to an 18 yr. old it was just short of the world ending.

this picture just doesn't do it justice.
i actually really like my short brown hair here.
mainly b/c i had just done the atkin's diet and lost about 10 pounds.
mostly in my face. and rear;-) HOT DOG!
did i mention i refuse to diet now?
it's not good for the psyche.
i speak for myself and myself only, so diet on if your psyche is okay with it!
my pants were slick as a whistle to my skin with those extra pounds.
uncomfortably tight.
and NOT in the "i like big butts and i cannot lie" kinda way.
on came the beginning of 8 yrs of fad dieting and extremist exercising.
after years of despising short brown hair for the fear of looking like a mom (especially since i am one now;-)
have i finally come to terms with short, brown hair?
i'm not sure.
i can list dozens of you with short, brown hair that make me want to chop, chop, chop!
why then can't i chop?
sean says, "it's just hair."
silly boys!
i don't think it's the short brown hair at all.
i think it was me being sad inside.
sad for not knowing who i was inside, trying to like myself in my skin.
i feel really great in my skin now.
i found this one of me, i think age 10 or 11?
i clogged.
it rocked.
i really liked my short brown hair here,
but i felt nerdy.
not because of the hair.
at least, not then.

so i think i associate short brown hair with nerdiness too.
i felt like a nerd in elementary school, although stacie assures me i was not.
bless you stacie, bless you:-)
do you notice the cuffed pants?
and white pink ruffled socks?
i don't even know if it was cool then.
i really liked them a lot though.
as far as the country western outfit?
i was dancing to a country song.
enough said.
...
so, can i get past all of these issues to cut my hair and avoid a hot, sweaty neck this summer?
it took me 2 years to go dark from blonde.
it may take a decade to go short.
until then, i foresee another hot muggy summer with long hair.
at least, i think it will be...

and apparently, you goddesses really do read all the way through, not just sue!

(sue, did you like my attempt at poetry there?!)

for which i would like to say, "HOT DOG, HOT DOG, HOT DIGGITY DOG!"

and thanks, it makes me feel special:-)

12 comments:

Gilbert Family said...

i think you look hot. i loved your senior shots. you somehow made short hair the "cool thing to do". its always that growing out phase that totally sucks. but...you made it look good anyways. btw...the hot dog hot diggity dog...did you get that from the animated disney show? im not sure how much i like it. maybe im just used to the old fashioned cartoons.
ps: i read all the way through.

Dana and Adam said...

Can I just say how much I love going on your site and being called a goddess. When I had Katelyn I didn't know what I was doing and I actually Googled "how to be a domestic goddess". I didn't find much good advice. Just a few fattening casserole recipes. I'm planning on cutting my hair short again too, and I also have a lot of anxiety over it because I want to try a pixie, but I'm not sure if my hairdresser can pull it off (she's really good at giving "mom" haircuts. Look at my hospital pictures with Zach on my facebook for an example). Plus I'm not sure if she could be blunt enough to tell me wether or not I could actually pull it off. So in the meantime my hair keeps getting longer and the ends keep getting splittier. For the record, I think your long hair looks pretty. You look like Renee Walker on 24. She's cute!

Jen said...

Personally, I think that you would look so cute, and I loved your hair shorter. This is what I remeber you looking like when we first met. Actually I love you any way you look, because 1. your adorable 2. your sweet 3. your funny 4. your super nice to me 5. you love me. You rock em!

Soon to be Mrs. D said...

I was very envious of your short hair senior year! It always looked perfect and I used to wish and wish I would be able to make my hair look half as good as yours did. On that note, I don't think a hair cut defines who you are (because we have all had someone "mess it up"). I think it is more reflective of where you are in your life. I also have to side with Sean, it is "just hair" and it will grow back, that's what great about it. :) My advice, find a picture of the cut you like, and tape it to the bathroom mirror for 2-4 weeks. See if you get tired of it :)

Amy said...

OH MY GOODNESS! I absolutely love your Senior Portraits! I love you with short hair. See, you are one of the girls with super shiny hair, that looks good no matter how you have it. I would kill for that! I know that growing your hair out long is an accomplishment and it feels great (I am currently working on mine) but honestly, if you are having doubts, it is time to chop it. Go for the new do. Be daring. Live on the wild side. You are gorgeous!

Missy said...

Stages, em...stages. We're crazy extremes sometimes [over analytical or completely spontaneous]. It's not balanced. But it's us. I'm learning that we are more similar than I ever knew in college. It's funny only a hop-skip and a state away I was doing the same thing in High School at the same time. I had pretty long blonde hair then became obsessed with Faith Hill's CD cover where she had short, flippy hair. I did something drastic and the results were drastic too. All of my natural blonde was gone, I was an instant mousie brown version of Jan Brady! AHH! I felt sooo fugly! Everyone tried to warn me. I sat in my closet for a day [no not kidding, mom fed me in there]! HA! I refused to go to school until I was a blonde again. That's the first time I dyed my hair. So I learned my lesson. If I do it again - I'll do it in stages and work my way shorter. For my sake and for the sanity of my loved ones. No one likes a Missy who feels un-prissy!

Natalie said...

First of all, let me just go on the record as saying: You are beautiful. The pictures are evidence that you were a beautiful kid, beautiful teenager, and you are a beautiful woman!

I'll go all intrinsic on you now by saying...your hair doesn't make you beautiful. It's YOU Emily, the woman you are. That's why you are so beautiful. And your man is right...it's just hair.

Now on to reality. Even though we know, it's just hair...at the same time we also know, it's NOT just hair. And, it matters.
That being said, it seems like your short hair issues are issues that you have actually already overcome. You said it best yourself: "i don't think it's the short brown hair at all. i think it was me being sad inside. sad for not knowing who i was inside, trying to like myself in my skin. i feel really great in my skin now." Maybe your long hair is a type of "security blanket" for you. But, maybe you don't need that security blanket anymore!

Bottom line is you are going to be a stellar, amazingly beautiful woman no matter the hair!

Sue said...

My opinion? Shiny, healthy hair always looks good, short or long.

So, just please yourself! But don't do anything until you're sure what it is that pleases you. (Those scissors will still be there if you take some time deciding!)

S.D.GIB said...

Honey,
You're beautiful no matter what. I support you in whatever you do, and you know that already. I don't know how I feel being called a goddess though.

Love you,
S.D.GIB

Fiauna said...

I don't think you could look bad--not even with a shaved head. But I gotta say that ponytails and buns are a lot easier to deal with than growing out a cut you don't like. It's not that I don't like short hair, either. I just don't like it on me. So if I know you feel the same, then I have to warn you not to cut your hair!

I have a really small head. In fact, at graduation when the guy fitted me for my cap he told me I had the smallest head he'd ever measured. So if I cut my hair short, I end up looking like I have a pin for a head and a big, round body. Yep. That's me.

Jess said...

Short brown hair is pretty and sassy. You could could pull off sassy. Just make sure you could still get your cap on easily, that's one thing i had a hard time with when I chopped the locks, and there's no way I'll let you quit swimming.

Bonni and Pete said...

you saying that since I have short brown hair that I am nerdy? i would almost be offended, but because all PT's are nerds (as you well know) i guess it fits. I am actually going through part of the dilemma, I have had enough of short brown hair!! i want my long hair back. so i guess i shouldn't be the one to tell you to cut, although i have had some really cute cuts. how bout you and i just trade hair for a week so we can both be satisfied???