"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

it was magic

3 years ago tonight i put my almost 2 year old brennan to bed for the last time as an only child.
i was completely prepared and amped up to have a screaming baby that never slept, with no breast milk  and a 2 year old to care for on top of it all.
i was scared.
what we got was the most perfect little angel girl god ever made.
that never cried.
always slept.
and had more milk to drink than anything i could have ever imagined.
it was magic.
and i drank in every single second.
brennan was older when we came home from the hospital.
and not just by 2 days.
i remember thinking he looked so huge when we came home and too big for a binky {but that didn't keep me from letting him keep it for another two years--you're only little once}.
that was the year of the horrendous H1N1 scare, so no one under the age of 12 could even come to the hospital.
i called the hospital at 6am that morning in the dark, standing in my kitchen, waiting to hear if my induction was still on. when the nurse told me brennan couldn't come to see us in the hospital i started to sob.
i blame pregnancy hormones entirely.
i still remember how the lights made the kitchen look when i was standing there crying on the phone.
i don't remember what the nurse said after that at all.
i remember we blew the fuse in our apartment when i was drying my hair, and it turned all of our power off.
sean had to climb through the cold storage to flip the breakers to get the power back on.
and i started getting all nervous and snappy with him.
he always knows how to calm me down with a swift dose of perspective.
i love him.
then we hit every red light on the way to the hospital.
i was chomping at the bit.
and we got there fifteen minutes late.
and even though i was completely NOT in labor i still had that little miss max in my arms 5 hours later.
it was amazing.
3 pushes and 6 minutes.
i remember dr. nielson laid her on my chest right after i gave birth, and her little soft cry was instantly quieted when i brushed my fingers next to her left eye.
she had me at hello.
it was magic.
she was so calm.
so sweet.
she looked like a skinny brennan,
so tiny, 
so delicate,
with pink rosy cheeks, pouty lips, a little button nose, and george castanza hair.
that looked red in the light.
sean took my most favorite newborn picture before she was even 30 seconds old.
i couldn't wait to put an obscenely large bow on her head and paint her little toes.
then the nurses weighed her and dr. nielson couldn't believe that i had guessed her birth weight right down to the ounce.
i was so proud.
i felt amazing and back to myself within 4 hours, even with an epidural.
it was amazing.
sean held her wrapped up in the hospital blankets all afternoon while we watched the super bowl on the tv in my room.
it was a sunday.
super bowl sunday.
it was magic.
i wish i could do it all over again.
click here for the before. 
and here for the after {ignore the obscenely large headband that overdid the bow. have mercy....lol}
happy birthday little miss max.
i can't believe you're going to wake up tomorrow and be 3.


becca said...

what a cutie give a big Happy Birthday hug and kiss for me

Sue said...

What a great birth experience!


Amy said...

I love your reminiscence. It is so sweet reading your thoughts on her birth. Absolutely beautiful!