"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Thursday, February 5, 2015

letters to Emily {potty training, the bond of mother and son, & the life of motherhood}

Dearest Emily,
Well, I was elated to hear about your pregnancy!!!  What a dream!  Four kids:)  Since people aren't having as many kids anymore you have an official large family for 2015.  I am so happy Chase decided to potty train all on his own.  Well, let me just say potty training + me = H-E-double hockey sticks.  It has been the most challenging thing so far with raising Bear.  Strong willed parent plus strong willed child isn't a good match for potty training.  So me, being the strong willed parent has had to learn to be patient, flexible and understanding.  See, they don't tell you that parenting is harder than going to school.  Even though I would much rather experience things to learn them, than to sit and read about them.  I think it stretches you more and it is HARDER.  But the rewards are greater.  Smithy is the most adorable toothless kid in town, I just squeeze him every time he smiles and I see that glorious gap in the front of his mouth.  Him and I have grown much closer these past few months.  I hate to say it was because of the accident he had at school, but I did feel so deeply for him.  I think it was the first time he had an accident that wasn't me or Bryces fault and I felt this mother hen protectiveness wash over me when I arrived at the hospital to be by his side as they pulled his broken teeth out and x-rayed his broken leg.  He was in excruciating pain, and as you know they did a spinal tap on him when he was 2, to measure his nerves and they found the tissue around his nerves was very thin, so he does feel things more intensely.  So he was screaming the whole time, not understanding the pain he was feeling.  My heart was completely broken for him.  So I gave him my heart that day.  I really felt that he deserved all of it.  Ever since then we have really connected and we are a lot closer.  He is my buddy.   He grabs at you so much more now and he really loves to play around.  I was painting one day, while my two kids were at school…so funny that I have an empty house from 9-1 now, and as comfort back ground noise I had stardust (the movie) playing  and the dad gave some advice to his son and I will never forget it.  He says, 

"I can tell you that every man I ever envied when I was a boy, 
has led an unremarkable life."   

I really loved that.  Sometimes when we look at others as children or young adults you never realize that you have all the power to have a life full of whatever you want.  But you are so fixated on wanting their lives you forget to live your own.  Sometimes I feel like I live on a little island here in Germany, that is full of magic and old history around every corner.  It also has its hardships, but I have learned so many extraordinary things and I am so grateful for that.   America is my country, Heidelberg is my hometown.  I feel like being a mom is an adventure of it's own, different from living in another country, and an essential life lesson that will push you to be your best and worst.  It is the remarkable that I searched for and now am living as plain old mom.  All moms live a remarkable life, sometimes it feels unremarkable,  but once you catch wind of the magic and excitement it brings it will sweep you off your feet and carry you to places you never imagined possible.  The life of motherhood should be upheld as the most remarkable thing you could ever do.  And that is why my dear, you are a remarkable woman, living  a remarkable life.  I love to hear of your adventures with your kids and the creativity to bless their lives with beauty, creativity, love and learning.  I love you miss Emiline Harris!  Have a  great and REMARKABLE day being a mom.


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