"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Sunday, August 2, 2015

cream at the top

we've been blessed with milk.
a baby that sleeps in 7 hour stretches.
god bless baby dean.
this entire last week
i was feeling crazed.
i couldn't get my mind to stop racing.
i can tell this is because things are getting back to normal.
and also because school is about to start back up again.
i started the process of moving brennan from his summer 2 pill regiment,
to his school dayzzz 3 pill regiment.
rough folks.
and then there's chase.
or TAZ.
some of us call him TAZ.
he'll bull doze through a room like nobody's business.
out of control.
that's the phase he's in.
then there's dean the bean.
who's living the reflux life.
which basically goes like this:
eat for 10 min.
barf for 10 min.
and THEN get the hiccups.
i am however happy to report that thanks to his reflux meds,
after his barfing is done,
he now smiles at us nonstop until it's time to snooze.
like he smiles so much,
and it's still so new,
that it catches us all off guard,
and makes us feel like we are the most special people on the planet.
because he's smiling at us.
then i lay him on his tummy in the middle of my bed,
and he falls asleep there while i put away laundry,
clear chase's cars and books out of my room,
make my bed,
and other stuff like that.
after about 15 min of this, i chicken out about letting a baby sleep on their tummy,
even though all of the old timers think i'm crazy to move him,
roll him onto his back,
swaddle him in grandma casper's homemade crochet blanket,
smell his little baby smelling head,
and kiss him right on the corner of his eye before i lay him down in his bassinet in my closet.
yep, he sleeps in our closet:)
it's cold,
it's dark,
and he doesn't get woken up by all of the other crazy animals
that are bouncing around this abode of ours.
then i shower.
get dressed.
and try to get the dishes into the dishwasher.
we've picked back up to pace!
i hate it and love it all at the same time.
i hate it because it means dean is moving into his babyhood
and out of his newborn hood.
i love it because things are calming down,
flowing into something new.
almost familiar.
but different.
and it's a little bit nice.
i've tried to take a nap two days in a row,
and i'm pretty sure that both times all i've done is close my eyes,
and repeat the same three lines of all three meghan trainer songs on the radio right now,
over and over and over again.
like i can't turn it off.
and it makes it too loud to nap with her lyrics and the marvin gaye song running through my head.
it's weird, i know.
maybe i fell half asleep??
i'm still not sure.
i think i felt more rested after?
tough to tell.
when you're not sure if you're asleep or awake,
does that define you as delirious?
on monday sean came in to say goodbye before he left for work.
i was sprawled out in our bed,
probably with my mouth open and drooling.
i opened one eye halfway and asked him if it was thursday?
he just laughed at me and told me to go back to sleep.
i think it was like 8:30 in the morning as he was heading off to work.
the night before that chase ame in around 4am,
and after sean put him back in his bed,
i asked him if he changed his diaper.
i meant did he take him pee.
but it came out as diaper.
or maybe i really was wondering if i had just fed a baby,
and he had put him back to bed for me?
i guess we'll never know folks.
this probably isn't making sense to people who are more rested.
however, it's providing some bonefied comic relief to us over here.
now if i could just get chase ray to stop coming in between 4 and 6am for a sippy full of milk.
we've got that part down to a system now.
because i just can't fix it.
actually i haven't even tried.
i just figure we should go with it until he stops.
does that work?
usually i try to fix it.
but like i said,
i'm not sure if i'm asleep or awake most of the time,
so i'm not trying to fix it.
my old fridge from my school teaching days is plugged in at the foot of our bed.
and every night before sean and i come up to bed we fill up a sippy full of milk,
and pop that lone man into the fridge.
the sippy, not chase.
no joke, it's the only thing in the fridge.
and at this point, it's the fridge's main purpose in life.
to keep chase's sippy full of milk fresh for 4-6 hours during the night.
it's pitiful i know,
but like i said,
i'm not trying to fix it.
we're just going with it.
then i feed dean around 11pm,
MAYBE do some dishes,
MAYBE do some laundry,
ALWAYS talk to sean and make him regret staying up so late with me,
and then i TRY to read a paragraph of my book without falling asleep.
it's tricky, let me tell you.
then we sleep until about 5:30am when dean wakes up to eat again,
and just as i'm wheeling dean into our closet for the rest of the morning,
we hear the sweet sounds of chase opening and closing the door to his room,
holding two books,
two toys,
and saying "where my milk?"
then we take him pee,
and we all try to go back to sleep before sean has to get up for work,
{and like i said, sometimes chase's role in the play shifts to before dean eats, which is actually my preference because then i have a better shot at falling back asleep RIGHT after dean eats,
and sometimes that's even before the sun starts to come up over the rockies.}
then brennan comes in asking to watch mine craft videos sometime after 8am,
and max comes in telling me she's hungry around 9.
10am if we're lucky.
and that my friends is why i'm not sure if i'm awake or asleep.
and also why i had to give dean 2 ounces of formula last night.
because my body plum gave out by 11pm.
where the livin's easy.
i can't decide if school starting is going to make things better or worse.
i'm sure i still won't make it to bed before midnight.
it's just not in my nature.
especially with a babe that sleeps from 11pm-5:30am.
like i said,
god bless baby dean.
have mercy,
i'm tired.

 {i dared him to look his elbow. never gets old.}
at 4 weeks,
he looked like chase. 
but at 6 weeks,
he looks like brennan.
nobody believes me.
until i show them stuff like this. 
and then other times,
he starts to look like max.
with his little delicate head,
and button nose.
and looooooong skinny legs.
magical baby i say.
how he ends up just looking like them all.

1 comment:

Amy Involuntary said...

I just got tired reading this. Good gracious. And you are so lucky that he sleeps so long. What a glorious tender mercy!