"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

my wolf. {7 weeks}

dear baby dean,
the first day you were born i remember loving that you were furry.
like werewolf furry.
your arms show it best.
when i nurse you,
i love to brush my fingers ever so lightly back and forth along your furry furry arms.
they are the softest and furriest arms i've ever seen.
and i ADORE it.
your fur goes all over your back and up your little neck.
oh my word,
i want my lay my cheek against your furry little self just thinking about it right now.
then there's your sideburns.
they come down into your cheek.
once i tried to comb them straight,
but they don't comb straight.
they curve in with a callik stronger than the 7 seas,
and grow just under your cheekbones.
like a werewolf.
that's why i call you my wolf.
i don't even know if i've anyone,
not even dad,
that i call you this.
i don't know why,
i just haven't.
you have the most perfect feet.
they so evenly splay out.
like i've never seen a more perfect foot with five perfect toes ever.
not ever!
your hands are so flat.
and you love to hold them up flat.
i high five you sometimes and laugh so hard.
because it's really funny how flat you can make your hands.
flat stanley!
that's what i always think.
and then there's your eyelashes.
when you were first born,
they laid flat on your eyelid.
flat, and curved down.
and for the last 7 weeks,
they've slowly stood up and straightened themselves out,
but they're still halfway laid down,
and halfway moving straight up,
and for some reason this has entranced me your whole entire life.
you smile now.
big huge grins.
and just when i think you've smiled the biggest your mouth will let you smile,
you tilt your head back,
raise your chin up,
and open your smile even wider.
this is how i know you're good and fed.
even though you've already barfed half of your milk down us both. 
you sleep.
like nobody's business.
you love to snooze on your tummy.
especially when you're on my bed.
there's nothing that i love more than watching you fall asleep.

the other kids are ALL over you ALL the time.
it bugs me,
and sometimes it bugs you,
but then other times,
just as i'm about to shoo them off,
you'll look at brennan,
or max,
or chase
right in the face
and give them one of your fancy giant grins,
and we all jump up and down.
because you let us know.
you know us.
and it's amazing.

when you cry,
and especially if you're really upset,
i love to pick you up
because you immediately turn your cry into the most relieved little whimper,
like there's nobody else you'd rather be held by right at that very minute.
and sometimes you will suck in a few short little breaths,
like you're catching your breath,
and then you lay your whole little body right into mine,
limp like a noodle,
and you breath on my neck.
the sweetest little breathing on my neck.
and it's the best feeling.
i just can't get enough of it.
i've never sat and stared at a baby so much as you.
and memorized every single inch and dimple.
maybe it's because i'm thinking you're our last.
and i want to drink you in for as long as i can.
or maybe it's because i know i'll blink, 
and you'll be too busy for me to memorize you so close.
either way,
this has been the best summer.
sitting in the rocking chair with my little wolf.
love,
mom

1 comment:

Amy Involuntary said...

He seems to just fit in your family, like why on earth hasn't he been there the whole time? He is simply a part of your family. And perfect!