it's the hard knock life for me.

dear Home Depot of Sandy,

My 2 yr old ate this package of pumpkin seeds today 

while i pushed my cart through the outside garden aisles

of your store.

my favorite place to go this time of year!

he didn't even spit the paper out.

he swallowed it like a delicious chick fil-a nugget,

as i perused the lilac bushes and hanging flower baskets.

and then he ate a few seeds,

and a bag full of popcorn that the free estimate people were giving out.

pure heaven!

just as he was about to dump the rest of the pumpkin seed packet contents all over the floor in front of the bird feeders,

i put this half eaten package of seeds into my purse right on top, to salvage whatever was left of my future jack o'lanterns,

FULLY INTENDING to have the package scanned at checkout.

and then tonight while sitting at red lobster with the best looking man in the joint,

it came to me:

i never paid for the package of pumpkins still residing in my purse beside me.

a criminal over $1.59.

dang it!!!

that's what i shouted out 

over a dr. pepper and a basket of red lobster rolls tonight.

and i just wanted to let you know,

i'll be in tomorrow to square things up.

and also, i might buy some marigolds.

my apologies,

hard knock crimal

...

P.S.

my iphone camera is broken.

or maybe i just need an update?

so i can only take backwards pictures through my instagram app,

and so everything is showing up backwards.

i can hardly wait for the birdies to come:)

don't worry about what the others are doing. {the time we took 9 six year olds to the LEGO movie.}

one time, my friends helped me take 9 six year olds to the LEGO movie.

and we survived:)

in fact, it was awesome.

EVERYTHING WAS AWESOME!

because we were part of a team.

are you singing yet?

me too.

the 3rd grade teacher in me came out.

i lined those boys up like baby chicks behind me,

and we walked through that theater like champs with everyone carrying their mugs of sodas.

i spent the rest of the movie refilling bags of popcorn and running people to the potty.

it was awesome!

everything was awesome!

everything is cool when you're part of a team:)

bounce in your seat while you sing.

thank you team.

one grown up per row.

and a runner.

that was me.

and then we put lego candles in a donut for brennan to blow out,

and everyone else chowed down on their pick of chocolate or glazed.

WITH

sprinkles:)

...

things i learned 

while watching 

THE LEGO MOVIE

1. don't worry about what the others are doing. 

you must embrace what is special about you.

2. look at what you did when you believed you were special. 

you just need to believe.

3. you are THE SPECIAL.

4. you become what you pay attention to.

5. it's yours to design.

6. live the fullest expression of yourself.

7. also, forget the instruction manual. 

except don't throw it away. 'cause sometimes ya need it.

...

remember that stuff brennan.

remember that stuff;)

happy 6th.

love,

mom

letters to Beth {puke, bee sting, and other highlights from my day}

dear beth,

this is the story of my last 36 hours....or something.

events will occur in real time.

{did you ever watch 24? jack is back. two more days. yowza!}

friday morning 

max pukes.

pineapple and water.

all over my bathroom floor.

like i was half asleep and she

was drinking my water on my bedside table after eating pineapple downstairs,

and i have yet to open my eyes at this point because i am still in the land of pretty much asleep.

i know she's talking to me, 

but i wear earplugs, 

so mostly i just said "awesome, love ya, mmmm-hmmmm, 5 more minutes ok?"

as i heard the faint voice decibels of max. 

but then she dry heaved.

and i was all, "smaller sips hun, so you don't puke".

{because she has the gag reflex that makes her puke 

when she takes big bites or big drinks.

it's a thing.

an annoying thing.

but still, it's a thing.}

max dry heaves again.

i open one eye.

max dry heaves with a lurch.

i open both eyes.

max runs to bathroom, pukes once on my bathroom floor.

i sit up.

max pukes three times on my bathroom floor.

i run to hold her hair and pat her back while she pukes a bunch more.

pineapple.

and water.

all over my bathroom floor.

good thing, cause i'd been meaning to mop. for awhile.

poor girl.

fever.

more fever.

short nap.

fever.

pepperoni, sausage, onion, bell pepper, 

i was out of olives, stuffed crust, new pizza sauce pizza i made for dinner.

and as i went to bed i thought about how glad i was that she only puked once,

and man it felt good to have the worst behind us.

famous last words:)

saturday middle 

of the night morning: 

12:15am-max wakes up crying.

1:06am-max wakes up crying.

2:23am-max wakes up crying.

wants a drink.

needs some bread.

can she have a popsicle?

3:35am-max wakes up crying.

4am-max still crying.

i give her benedryl.

and i think "that's too bad, cause now she won't wake up in time for soccer."

{first game got rained out, 2nd game we completely forgot to go, 

and the third game was today AND picture day . i was really making an effort to go.}

i was wrong. i was sooo wrong.

6:45am-max wakes up crying. 

how on earth is this even possible? that's what i was thinking.

i coax her into my bed.

she sleep talks every 5 minutes, but falls asleep.

7:23am-brennan wakes up for the first time.

i tell him he can have any car he wants when he turns 16 if he lets us sleep some more.

or i give him my phone.

whichever.

8:35-max wakes up crying.

we go downstairs for breakfast.

saturday morning:

9:15am-I GET STUNG BY A BEE FLIPPING PANCAKES.

i kid you not.

it crawled up brennan's sleeve.

i lifted his sleeve up,

it flew out.

it went after him again.

so i went after the bee with a kleenex, 

even though i knew that what i needed was a paper towel.

not a good day to be fresh out of paper towels.

the bee won.

i lost.

my right 4th finger lost to be exact.

it still hurts 12 hours later.

i slapped some baking soda and water on my sting.

which did NOTHING to help the pain.

i had no idea how much bee stings hurt.

it may have been a wasp.

it was big, yellow and black, and hairy.

like a yellow jacket on steroids.

does that make it a wasp?

so then of course i hear chase chirping at me from his bed.

and i wander up there with my now pulsing 4th finger covered in baking soda hand,

where i find him dancing and spinning in circles in his crib,

with the drapes torn down from the rod for the third day in a row.

we don't go to soccer.

we don't go to soccer pictures.

OH FOR 3 HERE with max and soccer.

O-FOR-3.

it's only 10:13am.

max stays home with sean while i go to watch brennan play his 2 hours of soccer.

i go to lunch and frozen yogurt with him after.

it makes me realize how fun it is to be with him alone.

best conversation in town.

just like his dad.

we run 3 errands.

i come home.

sean leaves for stake conference meetings.

i sit down with a still sick max,

and chase wakes up.

early.

and i can't figure out why he's up so early.

and then i find him.

i find him in a crib filled with poo.

CRIB FILLED WITH POO.

POOP!

EVERYWHERE!!!

E

V

E

R

Y

W

H

E

R

E

everything into the washing machine.

baby into the tub.

two more kids come running into tub.

i start wondering if all people's lives are this chaotic,

or if it's just mine?

max now appears to have pink eye.

i decide to wait to reevaluate that one tomorrow.

brennan poops in his pants.

and i start singing,

"the sun'll come out tomorrow,

bet your bottom dollar that

TOOOOOMMMOOOORRRROOOWWWW

THEY'LL BE SUUUUUNNNN!!!!"

and then i take pictures of poop everywhere and babies in baths,

and text it all to sean to read and enjoy during his stake leadership training meeting.

and it makes me laugh.

like it genuinely makes me laugh,

and helps me get through this amazing crazy hilarious life that i get to live with all of these tiny humans that i love so very VERY much.

seriously though, the chaos sometimes is just so much that it's hilariously funny.

the boys watched a movie,

i braided max's hair,

and the kids ate kraft macaroni and cheese for dinner.

read two chapters out of roald dahl's the witches on the ends of their beds,

and kissed them goodnight while sean mowed the backyard.

and then when he came in with the mail,

i declared your mom a prophet!

right then and there.

before i even opened the box.

because the woman just has a sense about things of this nature.

and always knows just the right day to schedule the most amazing 

wonderful thing to appear OUT OF THIN AIR

RIGHT when i need it:)

and i knew that only one tall 3-D rectangularly wrapped box from trader joe's could be.

chocolate covered peppermint joe-joe's.

HERE!

today!

in may:)

after 36 hours of

puke,

no sleep,

crying,

fever,

poop,

bee sting,

more fevers,

more poop,

and did i mention chase got out of the shower,

squatted, and peed on the carpet like he was camping at a KOA?

that kind of day.

that kind of 2 days.

see what i mean?

sight seer:)

PALM READING PSYCHIC.

in the most flattering kind of prophesying non-apostate kind of way!

and then all of sudden everything was fixed.

and the day was great.

and i laughed about what a great story my last 36 hours was going to make.

all thanks to a box of chocolate covered peppermint joe-joe's 

with a return P.O. BOX address from Quincy, Californ-I-A.

{would you look at that belly button? the best. THE BEST!}

what happened in your last 2 days?

i hope this letter finds you and yours well WELL well!

tomorrow's gonna be a new day.

i can just feel it:)

love,

emiline

also, you forget about piano lessons and sunscreen {it's may guys}

MAY.

where you wanna forget about all responsibility to get your kids in bed on time for school

because you just wanna get on with summer.

also, you forget about piano lessons.

and sunscreen.

and max's first soccer game.

we completely forgot about max's first soccer game.

we're gonna be better next week.

i promise.

TGIF!!!!!

the pizza dough i can't stop thinking about.

INGREDIENTS:

1tbls yeast

2 cups warm water

2tbls sugar

5 cups flour

1tbls salt

1tbls dried oregano

1tbls dried basil

1tbls dried thyme {i was out of this}

3tbls olive oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. warm water, sugar, and yeast in bowl--let sit until yeast rises on top of water.

2. flour, olive oil, salt and other spices in bowl.

3. poor water/sugar/yeast mixture into olive oil and dry ingredient bowl--mix with kitchen aid and dough hook for 5 min. or knead on counter until it feels elastic.

4. let rise, covered for 1 hour.

5. LISTEN CLOSELY, THIS PART IS NEW!!! 

#1: roll out your dough, 

and put it on your pam sprayed air back pan 

{go buy one, it's worth it},

#2: then stuff your crust

#3: butter your crust

#4: garlic salt your crust

#5: THEN BEFORE you put your sauce, cheese, and toppings on, BAKE YOUR CRUST FOR 10 MINUTES at 435*.

#6: take out of oven, add sauce, cheese and toppings,

and put back in oven for another 8-10 minutes until the cheese and crust start to brown. Sometimes i have to put it on low broil for the last 5 minutes of this.

GUYS!!! this is the secret to having a pizza parlor crust:

BAKE BEFORE YOU ADD YOUR SAUCE, 

CHEESE, & TOPPINGS.

it's changed my pizza liiiiiiife.

also this pizza sauce recipe that jen gave me,

which i doubled and used paste instead of sauce for because i was out of sauce IS basically everything i've ever been searching for in a pizza sauce:

jEN'S PIZZA SAUCE

12  oz. tomato paste mixed with about 1/2 cup water

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon oregano (or Italian seasoning)

i kid you not.

thick, moist, and amazing when you make one pizza with it.

two pizzas will make the dough more thin and flaky--

i can't stop thinking about it.

make it.

friday.

or tonight.

whichever:)

i feel like i should say AMEN.

because this is the holy of holies in pizza making.

now go and do the things which emily hath commanded.

makenzie maxine pushed brennan out of the window.

do you see this rosebush?

look closer. 

in

the

middle.

how about now?

can you see it? 

how did it happen you ask?

well, let me tell you.

makenzie maxine pushed brennan out of the front window.

yep. ya read it right.

remember how i don't have screens?

and how much i love not having screens,

but have always secretly worried about someone falling out into the rose bushes.

because there aren't any screens.

well, now i wish i had screens.

because when max wanted to sit in the window,

and brennan was already in the window,

she pushed him out of the window,

and

then he landed

IN

the

rosebush.

i was trying to cook meatballs at the stove,

and i could tell they were on the edge of erupting.

at each other's throats all day.

5:30pm.

ya know the time of day.

and then i heard this scuffle,

and muffled cry coming from brennan.

like max was punching him from underneath a pillow or something.

but i could tell she was really hurting him because it was the saddest most helpless cry,

and i remember thinking, "come on brennan, just push her with your pinky and she'll fly across the room and away from you."

except not really, but you know what i mean.

he's bigger than her!

but she's always beating him up.

and so i went around the corner of the kitchen to tell mean old max to let him up,

and there i saw him.

standing in the grass whimpering.

choking out the words that max

pushed him out of the window.

and into the rose bush.

so of course i did the complete rational and in control thing.

wait no.

i yelled in pure panic for sean to

"GET IN HERE!!!!!"

ran out the front door in a furry of "i have zero control over these kids in my life,"

and told max she was in "BIG TROUBLE"

and was going "STRAIGHT TO TIME OUT" for the REST of the night.

of course my neighbors were in their yards and probably saw fire spurting from my eyes,

and my hair standing straight up on my head all disheveled from the lunatic which i was.

i carried poor brennan inside.

he was shaking.

shaking and crying,

screaming that he was stinging all over.

bleeding on his neck,

knees,

arms,

tummy,

back,

scrapes and bloody pricks EVERYWHERE.

everywhere!

and then he yelled out "his leg HIS LEG his LEEEEEEG!!!!"

and when we pulled up his right pant leg there we saw the most GIANT rosebush thorn 

you had ever seen, poking into his leg with blood streaming down his leg.

i yanked that thorn out,

sean slapped a ninja turtle band aid on it,

and i combed his body for the other 43 thorns we pulled off of him.

actually, it was just that one giant one,

but there were 43 scrapes and pokes from the ones the rose bush kept.

we cuddled him on the couch, put max at the bottom of the stairs in the big room for 45 minutes,

and tried to take some deep breaths instead of giving our second child away to the authorities.

of course i spent the rest of the night feeling like i was the worst mother in the world,

who has still not accomplished teaching her 4 yr old how to use her words instead of pushing,

hitting,

biting,

scratching.

i really don't think she knew he was going to fall INTO the rosebush.

but i just can't figure out how to get her to stop being so aggressive when things don't go her way.

and then when sean and i were going to bed we laughed in agony for our poor poor brennan,

and the look he had on his face standing there in the grass 

after he had pulled himself out of the thorny rose bush.

and then we talked about how we are gonna have to put some extra time and attention into her so she doesn't end up in Joo-vee by age 12 and stuff like that.

and then i fell asleep reading the sister of the traveling pants because it's always the book that makes me reconnect with the insecure teenager that lives deep down inside of me.

and on bad days,

sometimes it's just nice to go and be in that place.

away from all of this grownup stuff that's hard.

#it'salwaysmax.

#middlechildsyndrome.

#iwasonetoo.

#ican'tbelieveshepushedhimoutthewindow.

#crap.

THE END.

off the heezy fo' sheezy

the family yard.

off the heezy fo' sheezy.

headed for san diego.

that's what they said.

falling on green grass

stormy weather can be the best medicine.

for when you're feeling stormy inside.

like it makes your mood feel not so bad,

but cozy instead.

like you have the right to grump around

while you try to wake up.

 especially on monday,

when everyone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.

thank goodness for snow

falling on green grass.

better than coffee.

i swear:)

real men wear mermaid

growin' up with a big sis means working at yo' tool bench in yo' ariel dress.

BE KIND, REWIND {#decade}

dear sean,

last weekend in arizona when you had the guitar duo come over and sing me a special love song,

i really really love that.

it made my heart flutter!

especially when you whispered the English words into my ears,

as they sang in spanish.

it reminded me of our honeymoon.

the most beautiful beautiful spanish.

and they were singing about i am nothing without you.

you make me whole.

really heart stopping, i'll love you forever, you make all my dreams come true stuff like that.

i can still hear those guitar strings strumming,

and feel your arm wrapped around mine.

how warm you are.

how warm you always are.

10 years ago feels like yesterday.

like no time has passed at all.

but like we've come so far together.

#DECADE.

can you believe it??!!

love,

babe

it was 70 and sunny.

i remember watching stacie sitting in the grass and putting sunscreen on.

and then putting some on my arms and neck too.

i remember the japanese tour bus unloading and taking pictures of us 

while we were taking the picture below.

on our wedding video is shows me waving at them, lifted up on your shoulder.

i wonder what they did with those pictures?

i remember the tulips were blossoming all over temple square.

the most perfectly bright and beautiful tulip blossoms.

i remember thinking there was no one around but just us.

even though i know there were TONS of people everywhere.

i remember not really knowing what to do with my bouquet in some of the pictures.

this was before the invention of pinterest and tutorials about how to pose for your wedding pictures.

i remember the wind was blowing,

and it made my veil blow up above me,

and it made for some really cute pics.

i remember being sealed to you in the temple,

watching your eyes tear up across the altar from me and we both said yes,

knowing that i was going to spend forever

with no one but you.

and i remember thinking that forever just might not even be long enough to satisfy me.

i love with you.

...

10 yrs ago...

there was no such thing as "social media," not even MySpace was out yet, let alone Facebook or Instagram.

there was only one laundry detergent that came for "he" washers 

because front loaders were JUST hitting the stores and they were the "new retro."

nobody had wireless internet because ethernet was a luxury, but most people still used dial-up 

{like us because we could use mom's password to sign onto her AOL account for free}. 

It took about 5 minutes to log on to check your email, which you only did every couple of days anyway. sometimes i would take a shower while it was logging on 

because i knew that by the time i was out it MIGHT be connected.

there were no smart phones, and nobody texted because it was just too expensive. the hot new cell phone was a tiny motorolla with a green light screen that came with one of the first interchangeable covers offered. i remember i found a cute pink hibiscus flower one at the mall and everyone wanted to know where i got one that wasn't just a plain color. right after that the NOKIA phone came out that lit up WHITE, and it had lots of different cases you could switch out for. you could also personalize a message to pop up to yourself when you turned it on.

we checked when our favorite tv shows were on by the TV Guide channel, 

and it was always a bonus when you caught it rolling in on channel 2. winning!!!

there was so such thing as a DVR, and if you wanted something recorded you had to tape it on your VHS recorder, which i did until maxine was born because i just didn't see why on earth someone would need a TeVo or a DVR anyway {wow. WOW.} the worst was when you set your show to record on the wrong speed and it ran through an entire tape in 30 minutes, cutting it off halfway through oprah, OR when the programming changed due to some fluke of scheduling and there was no such thing as just 

watching it online later, or better yet catching it on demand.

there was no netflix. we rented our VHS tapes from horkley's {gas station in rexburg} for .50 cents 

{BE KIND REWIND}, and if we wanted to splurge on a DVD it was $1.50. we always bought sodas for .60 cents and 100 swedish fish out of the penny candy tub, 

with a bag of popcorn to share. those were the best date nights.

plasma tv's were the new rage.

iMac's in different colors were the computer/laptop everyone wanted, but everyone still had PC's.

gas was less than $2 a gallon. WAY LESS. like it was $1.05 or something like that.

"distressed" jeans were brand new, with bleached crease lines and holes. OH HOLES!!! holes were BIG BIG BIG business in fashion.

the atkin's diet was the diet everyone had just done or was about to do again.

thin thin thin sunglasses were in style. the thinner, the better.

and platform flip flops by Rocket Dogs. WOAH BABY. they were my FAVORITE:)

everyone carried around Kodak disposable cameras to take pictures.

digital cameras were just coming out, but no one had them.

we went to the drug store to develop our film. 

i loved printing them with the white border around the outside.

you could do black and white film if you had a high tech "professional" camera to load it into, but you had to wait until your film was DEVELOPED to see how they turned out, and it always took about a week unless you paid mucho bucko's for 24 hour developing. 

you would order "doubles" so you could share your pictures with your friends or give one to your mom.

and the best part of picking up a roll of film from the photo place was standing there looking through each picture and laughing about them with your friends about how claaaaasic each shot was.
we have about 8 pictures from our entire honeymoon because we just didn't take that many pictures.
there was no such thing as a "selfie," but of course we took them, we just didn't call them that. what did we call them anyway?

we bought things in cash, but didn't balance our checkbook because online banking had JUST come out,
so we could check our balance every day on our home computer.

people left VOICE messages, and if it was a boy you were dating or wanted to be dating, my friends and i would analyze the message about 5 million times, before we CALLED him back, which of course we would rehearse our exact reply and sometimes write it down {wait what?} before we called him back, 

just in case we also had to leave a message back.

it was NOT to call more than once. that was too desperate.

call waiting and caller ID was a luxury.

nobody had GPS--they used paper maps or SUCKY MAP QUEST directions that you printed out online before you left--the directions were always wrong. 

i once got lost in san francisco on my 18th birthday for 3 hours. SCARRED for life.

there was no pinterest.

"googling it" was even new, but sometimes we still used "ask jeeves."

does that even still exist?

we bought CD's from tower records or whatever record store was in the mall.

if you didn't want to buy the entire album you'd buy just the single.

there was no such thing as "get it on iTunes."

the Napster scam was big news because it happened right when we were graduating from high school,

but you could still download music for free on some file sharing sites 

like Audio Galaxy when we got married. i'm pretty sure i made our entire wedding CD gift from there.

We made our friends/boyfriends/girlfriends mix CD's. Labeled and decorated with sharpies.

the more intricate the design and colors the more they loved you.

and yet sometimes less was more too.

tapes were a thing of the past, but i still had a tape player in my Jeep, which i loved to play my paula abduel tape on with the volume turned up as loud as possible. also, i really loved your praise to man tape on sundays. where did that cassette go anyway?

nobody had heard of rascal flatts, but they were FAMOUS in idaho, 

and their "Melt" album was our favorite.

wedding dresses were WHITE WHITE WHITE. the most beautiful crisp white, 

and the bigger the poof at the bottom, the better!

in utah and idaho it was super trendy to color the bottom half of your hair dark deep red. 

my dad was horrified.

you could buy a full-fare ticket on southwest one-way for $79 ANYWHERE, and sometimes you could even score a $59 or $69 ticket if you didn't mind 2 or 3 stops along the way.

white puka shell necklaces and white tennis shoes were so in style for boys, and sean was OVER THE TOP AMAZINGLY JAW DROPPING GORGEOUS in them.

spikey hair, especially when it was pushed up straight in the front.

WOWZA.

all of my friends and i had a least 2 pairs of lucky jeans and 3 pairs of steve madden shoes.

everybody went to tanning beds--is that really still something people do??? except for my roommate dolly who did the european spray tan before anyway had even heard of it. i love that smart girl!

i took my CD player {anti-skip} to the gym with my favorite running CD mix, which i labeled with a sharpie.

some people used MP3 players, and ipods were JUST coming out.

no one had ever seen WHITE headphones before.

and hashtags were just a symbol on the computer we used 

when we didn't want to take the time to write out the word "number."

i can't believe how much the world has changed in the last 10 years.

i am so glad i've gotten to watch it all with you.

te amo, mi amore.

te amo.