i am completely overwhelmed.
i'm sure sleep would help, but somehow i've become too exhausted and overwhelmed to even accomplish that.
i fed max at 4am and have yet to fall back asleep.
i wish i could say that i've gotten to this point by trying to do it all, but i don't even think i can claim that.
although, i'm sure my family gives me far too much credit for what they think i'm doing all day to agree with me about not doing it all.
they will tell you i am trying to do too much.
if taking a shower every day is doing too much, then i'm definitely guilty as charged.
i've switched into survival mode.
feeling like my head is just bobbing above the water.
i remember the 3 week mark with brennan.
i lost it about then too.
it all got better when brennan started sleeping through the night.
i know it's just the sleep.
and having to change my life.
i'm not good with change.
i like routine.
once i can find a new routine and some sleep things will improve.
when i think back to this time with brennan i can say that i should have not let my emotions get the best of me.
i cry when i'm exhausted.
i wish i didn't, but i do.
i've cried a lot in the last 12 hours.
i'm amazed at what the last week has done to me.
dang, even a few days ago i still felt great.
i just want to push pause for 9 hours so i can get a nice long rest and clear my head.
thank goodness my family is coming next weekend.
i need the relief.
right now, i'm dreading the day ahead.
is it 6pm yet and time for sean to come home???
even though i know this is just a fleeting moment to enjoy, my brain is telling me i'm not going to make it.
at the same time, it's telling me i'm being ridiculous.
it's just the sleep.
the lack of sleep.
i'm sure i'm not the only person to have ever felt this way...
still, for some reason it feels embarrassing to feel this way.
like i should be stronger than this.
like i shouldn't be letting the lack of sleep get to me.
not wanting to change the fact that i have two children, just wanting the ease of one back.
or at least the easy toddler i had before i had two.
i don't want the life of one back.
the life of two is better.
i just want it all to be fixed now.
i want the adjustment phase over.
without any of the work, lol.
how's that for having my cake and eating it too;-)
(at least brennan is wearing the huggie's overnighters.)