"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Friday, December 10, 2010

angry bird.

i am angry.
so angry i feel like crying.
at least i have felt like it for the entire morning.
there must be something wrong with me.
can you have post pardom when your baby is 10 months old???
ok, ok, i'm being dramatic.
it's not post pardom.
but really,
it's very reminiscent of the feeling.
i feel like i'm drowning.
i feel frustrated.
i feel like SCREAMING!
and i think i did when brennan threw his fork across the room today.
i screamed at the ground.
so i wouldn't scream at him.
a little fork.
thrown.
shouldn't constitute a mental breakdown.
it's the whining.
the not listening.
the hitting.
punching.
smashing.
tackling.
smacking.
slapping.
just generally terrorizing max that's getting to me.
i've tried empathy with him.
how would he like it?
i've tried time outs.
i've tried threats.
i've tried manipulation.
i've tried asking nicely.
i just don't know what to do.
i'm at a loss.
the sane person inside me is saying,
"this is just a phase. he will grow out of it."
but the insane person inside of me that has had enough is walking around angry.
angry at the 2 year old for not listening and being mean.
angry at myself for not figuring out a good way to help him through this.
isn't that what "good moms" do?
find genius ways to help their children work through their problems.
well today, i'm not feeling like a "good mom."
i'm feeling like an angry one.
and i
don't.
like.
it.
i think i need therapy.
or a vacation.
whichever.

8 comments:

aubrey said...

I remember that with my older two. Seriously. I was JUST like that. They're only twenty months apart and my son used to drive me up the wall when my daughter was still really small. The best advice I can give you is to find him a little boy his age and start working out play dates, at least every other week--weekly if you can manage it. And I'm not talking the drop your kid and run kind of affairs, but find somebody you can talk with too. I got started after I called a friend one day and told her that I seriously needed her to come over to keep me from killing him. Turns out she was having a crappy time of it too and we started hanging out weekly, alternating houses. We'd have lunch together, go shopping...The adult company will do wonders for you and the play time with another little boy will help your son. Hang in there. We've all been there and anyone who says differently is lying.

Kindra said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me I am not the only one. I JUST finished a post about the same EXACT thing, only I screamed at him and not the ground, so good for you!

Amy said...

It must be the air, because I am using every fiber of my being to not lash out. I even tried to take a nap, hoping that would work, but it just isn't working. When you figure it out, let me know.

beck said...

I'm feeling that way and I only have one child, so hopefully that helps you feel better! or me I am realizing I'm trying to do it all on my own too much (meaning I'm not making my scripture study and prayers a priority enough and sincere enough). Thus, my patience wains thin and I don't have the perspective or strength I need to get through this transition into toddler life. I forcefully (notice how I avoid using the word yell) told Gavin to stay away from me the other day. hahahahahahaha! Classic moment! Obviously he didn't understand and I hit a low point. I have no clue how to help him or why he's doing what he is. Is he jealous of the attention Max is getting? there is always something they struggle with right? Is for us it seems. Hang in the pretty momma!!

beck said...

I'm feeling that way and I only have one child, so hopefully that helps you feel better! or me I am realizing I'm trying to do it all on my own too much (meaning I'm not making my scripture study and prayers a priority enough and sincere enough). Thus, my patience wains thin and I don't have the perspective or strength I need to get through this transition into toddler life. I forcefully (notice how I avoid using the word yell) told Gavin to stay away from me the other day. hahahahahahaha! Classic moment! Obviously he didn't understand and I hit a low point. I have no clue how to help him or why he's doing what he is. Is he jealous of the attention Max is getting? there is always something they struggle with right? Is for us it seems. Hang in the pretty momma!!

Gilbert Family said...

i second what everyone is saying. you arent alone. talking with other moms DOES help. especially when your kids are playing with theirs. we have weekly playdates and they save me. nursery is nice, but it doesnt let you talk about girly/non-chruchy/want to smack someone talk. thanks for posting this. im sure everyone reading it is relating to it. hang in there. make sure to take some 'emily' time. love ya! you have my # (i think) if you want to call

Colleen said...

Could be the mercury retrograde. That is, of course, a joke. I am afraid of exactly the same thing when we have our next one, and I really agree with those above that you need to find another mom to share with. I am just now starting to form those bonds here, and it's been a long time coming. Feel better!

Emmy said...

I am so sorry :( It was after I had two and Lucas did these sort of things that I felt like a bad mom and a mom I did not want to be for the first time.

It is hard, it sucks.. but it does get better. And then worse, and then better. Pray, pray for patience to get through it all.. that is what I have to do every single morning and all day long.