letters to Beth {34 weeks}

note: there's a baby in there.

{this is what brennan tells me every day}

Dear Beth,
i would give just about anything to slouch over forward in a chair.
oh how blissful it would be.
my stomach is a magnet for things to be driven over it.
apparently, it's a great mountain.
and race track.
max thinks it's a seat.
brennan uses it for a headrest.
and loves when the baby kicks him in the face.
he gets really excited about it and lights up inside.
and still wants to name the baby "brennan gibson."
he told me he doesn't want me to get FLAT again.
he wants me to keep my belly.
not get FLAT.
this came after a conversation about how when the baby comes out my belly will get smaller and go away.
i love the way he thinks about the world.
i can't wait to hear what he has to say when the baby is out and the belly is still there;)
my klutziness has reached all new levels in the past week.
i fell down the last three stairs of my main stairway on thursday.
hard.
boom
boom
boom.
just like that.
i had a hand full of toys in my arms,
so nothing but my tailbone was there to break the fall.
not pretty.
and it hurt.
a lot.
A LOT.
it was scary.
i was a little shakey after.
i thought two things:
please don't let my water break.
and this is really going to hurt later.
and then i tried to figure out how to get myself up off of that tile.
i took two tylonel and sat on the couch for the rest of the afternoon.
i still can't bend over without something to help push me back up.
THEN yesterday in the shower i washed one foot.
all soapy and clean.
i just love what a good lather dove soap gets going.
and then when i went to wash the other,
i set down that soapy foot,
and slip and slide i did the splits in the shower.
that one soapy foot just went right out from under me,
and i surely looked incredibly graceful.
or not.
i was just glad the tub was only so long b/c one foot took each end of the tub and stopped me from falling on my face.
it didn't hurt as much as the stairs.
not including my pride.
but now my right hamstring is awfully sore.
so these are my joys of pregnancy in week 34.
i still don't think the stairs were funny.
just painful.
but the splits.
they are funny now.
REALLY funny.
like, i might pee my pants thinking about it funny.
and then sean will tell me i need to be doing more kegals.
i think i may have sworn when it happened,
but i can't remember which word it was, so i can't be sure.
imagine it.
me and my big ol' belly doing the splits in the shower.
i wish i were as flexible as i was in high school.
it may have made it less painful.
or not.
maybe more graceful?
i'm not sure.
i fear i am always on the verge of being a little grouchy.
especially between the hours of 5:30pm-8:30pm, but that is normal even when i'm not pregnant.

...

"The happiest people...are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

...

maybe this means i need to do some sewing...

4 years ago today i was 40 weeks pregnant with brennan.

and still carried him for a week more.

now THAT'S something to be grouchy about!

and yet i wasn't.
in fact, i the nurse told my OB she had never seen a 41 week pregnant lady that was so pleasant.
i remember feeling blissfully happy.

and with max i had weaved a tapestry as long as the state of california by the time i delivered.

is this normal to feel a little "meh" with the third?
or is it just the 34 week blues?
the "you're almost there, but not quite yet" blues.

i have no idea.
i know i'm happy inside.
i dare say EXCITED even!
but it's just the verge of excitement.
like i'm trying to make myself wait to really get excited.
b/c i know we're not there yet.
but we are?
i'm beaming when i talk about how close things are getting.
wondering if he will be like brennan or max,
knowing he will be different from them both.
a new little person to figure out.

i hope it will pass quickly,
and that i can enjoy the journey until it does.
just with less boom boom boom and splits.

Love,

Emily