quit the stuff that doesn't matter.

last saturday night sean re-grouted our master bathroom floor.

halfway.

i asked if he was going to finish the rest so we could seal it like the box recommended.

{i'm always scared to not follow the box recommendations on things of this nature.}

he said no.

and i said to him, what about what the box recommends?

and he said to me,

i'm going to go outside and spend the night watching the kids go down that big water slide.

and he cleaned up his grout, washed his hands, and ran outside with the kids to set up the slide.

and that is one of the many reasons why i love him.

b/c he knows when to quit the stuff that doesn't matter to start the stuff that does.

first base {not kissing}

at brennan's first t-ball game tonight i sat on the grass rocking chase to sleep in the stroller, 

sent max with some girls from our neighborhood to play in the sandbox, 

chatted with susie about life and how our 4 year old boys are the funniest people alive,

and screamed my guts out for spiderman brennan as he stepped up to bat.

he smacked that ball with the biggest smile on his face and ran to first base.

he waved and smiled at me the entire way.

i think i even got a "hi mom" when he was halfway there.

never worried about winning,

just enjoyed his leisurely run to first base,

waving at me the entire way.

then when he got there he gave me the thumb's up and yelled,

"i'm the guy with the hat!"

{he had the hard batter's hat on.}

there's nothing i would rather do with my afternoons for the next 6 weeks than sit on a grassy knoll with max and chase yelling our guts out for spiderman brennan to get to first base.

and i DON'T mean kissing!;)

is that still first base???

 and no dad, he hasn't learned to spit in the dugout yet.

gross.

i hope he doesn't start that.

but if he does,

i'm sure i'll get a picture of it.

have mercy.

go big orange {t-ball}

i wasn't gonna let him do it.

i was gonna wait until next year.

for heaven's sakes, i still basically have a newborn! 

{or not, WAH!!! and hooray all at once}.

but then he started playing baseball in the backyard with us,

went to a baseball game,

and his best friend cade wanted to sign up.

practices once a week at normal people times {check}.

games once a week at normal people times {check}.

fields where they play are close {check}.

summer heat winding down & shaded areas with trees {check PLUS}.

NOTHING ON SATURDAYS {check PLUS PLUS!!!}.

so we did it.

and he loves it.

and he's actually really good at it.

even with his adult sized mitt and spiderman light up shoes.

and that adorable little ball cap,

which he told me was not little,

it was a big kid cap.

he trained his coaches within the first five minutes that his name was not brennan, 

"eye on the ball brennan!"

"no, spiderman brennan!"

"right, spiderman brennan, sorry!"

"it's ok, do you know the black spiderman?"

"here comes the ball spiderman brennan."

i can't wait to see how long it takes him to tell coach keith 

about the time spiderman came to his birthday party.

funniest kid on the planet.

I LOVE HIM!!!

so he's surprisingly good at throwing, catching, and hitting,

but we could use a little work on his running;)

although mr. confidence thought he was already the MVP.

{thanks to his fabulous cheerleading section.}

the end of the day is overrated.

sometimes i think i'm too worried about having everything be just right.
i get so focused on our well oiled machine that i forget the necessary tune up's along the way.
why can't the kids see that arguing over whether it's spiderman batman's cave or mermaid max's cave is pointless.
why can't brennan stop teasing max just when i've calmed her down from walking backwards into a corner and getting hurt.
why can't brennan just go downstairs in the morning and play toys without asking to turn on the tv.
THANK GOODNESS brennan goes downstairs in the morning and turns on the tv:)
why does brennan have to ask for whipped cream in his mouth every morning.
{ok really, who doesn't want that?!}
why do they have to turn into monsters the minute i pick up the phone.
{thank heavens for texting--please don't be offended if that's the only way i communicate with you. i feel like i'm drowning in quick sand when i have to answer the phone most times during the day. especially if i know it's going to be a long winded thing. you know? YOU know.}
why do i expect myself to know what to do always,
and then be so critical of myself when i don't know what to do always?
this is just silly thinking.
i will not be a tired, rundown, annoyed at these things kind of mom.
there's always a little more room for patience.
take the time to help them learn the things they are struggling with to learn.
this is what i am renewing to achieve tomorrow.
be less bothered by the things they need help learning when i'm tired.
be less worried that i'm not doing it the right way.
i'm doing it.
i'm just doing it.
getting to the end of the day is overrated.
no need to focus on it anymore.
i always get there and think, "well, now what?" anyway.
{except i do enjoy when the two oldest gibbies are in bed and we have just chase all to ourselves.}
but maybe that's just because my favorite fall shows are not on and the olympics are over.
i've never liked to learn the lesson,
i just want someone else to tell me what they have learned,
tell me how to skip figuring it out on my own,
cut the corner, so to speak.
save time and energy in the process,
and miss the lesson entirely.
which is ironic b/c then it takes more time to learn the lesson later.
{and no, alanis morissette, it's not ironic when it rains on your wedding day. it's just bad luck. but it is ironic when you mean to save time and end up having to do it over taking double the time. that's ironic. don't you think?}
and no i did not even have a horrible day today,
i've just been stewing over this for awhile.
in my head when i'm doing my daily mothering businesses around the house and in the yard.
we had a normal stay in the house day.
laundry.
dishes.
teeth brushing.
dressing.
and so forth.
i read "where the wild things are" to all three of my kids twice in a row.
chase looked up at me with big wide eyes when i did my special voices for the "roar their terrible roars, and gnash their terrible teeth, and roll their terrible eyes..." part.
and something about their claws too.
and max kept asking if the story was about her.
and i pointed out that it spelled her name on the boat so it must be.
and brennan didn't even get offended!
lucky day indeed!
and he kept pointing out that the sea monster wild thing was in the ocean.
and did i see it?! {every time, both times}
but the most exciting part of the day today was when brennan spotted a giant grasshopper on one of the leaves in our pumpkin patch out back.
and called us all over to see it.
or maybe i spotted it, and called them all over to see it.
i can't remember.
whichever.
{we were trying to pick out which pumpkins were going to turn orange first. it's going to be a gold medal race between two of them. my money is on the one against the fence.}
and then i told them to stand still and not scare it away so i could go grab my camera.
b/c i have the need to capture every life moment on film.
always have.
always will.
thank goodness for the invention of digital cameras.
my monthly film developing fee was an out of control habit hobby in high school.

and then i started feeling bad {ly} and great all at once about how i've quit weeding.
b/c i'm at the point in the season where it's producing well enough to produce despite the weeds.
so what's the point in weeding?
it's a beautiful part of the season to reach:)
no work, all of the reaping:)
and in a non-intense life kind of way i started comparing weeding my garden to raising my children.
how it's so important to weed your garden in the beginning.
taking extra care to make sure the young seedlings make it through the spring until they get big enough to trust out there on their own in the summer.
and then by the fall i'm so sick of taking care of those overgrown plants that i let the weeds take them over.
and standing out there later tonight,
in my garden under my colossal sunflowers,
and in the perfect summer night air,
i thought about how i don't want to reach that point with my kids.
i don't want to get so tired that i quit weeding them.
even when they're overgrown.
b/c there's always room for a little more patience.
and there's always room for a lot of love and nurturing.
and i'm so glad that i have a great big garden to remind me of that at the end of the day.
it's been colder at night this week.
have you noticed?

cancer sucks {the great shave}

sean's big brother landon has cancer.

he is 33 years old,

with a wife and two children,

a job he loves,

and in great physical health.

except he has cancer.

i interviewed him sunday night after shaving sean's head bald.

this is what he said...

.....

diagnosed june 20, 2012

official diagnosis:

Stage 4b Hodgkin's Lymphoma Cancer

{a blood cancer that can affect any part of your body,

specifically affecting landon's bone marrow, liver, and lymph nodes}

Q: what were your specific symptoms that made you go to the doctor?

symptoms:

night sweats

fatigue

fever

"i would have these symptoms for two days, and it would go away for a week, have it for a day, and it would go away for another few days, but it was summer in arizona, and i was sleeping at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, and it was 110* outside, so sweating while i slept wasn't out of the ordinary."

"the saturday before i went to the doctor the first time i slept for almost 15 hours in a row.

i would run after work normally, but i hadn't run in 3-4 weeks. i was really tired after running that day. i couldn't catch my breath, and my legs felt really heavy, but i hadn't run for about a month, and that was normal for me when i hadn't run for a few weeks. now, i think that was an obvious symptom. my cancer had nothing to do with my diet or the way that i live. i was in good health, but if me having cancer motivates people to live healthier and better then that's a great thing."

Q: what was the first thing you thought when your doctor told you that you might have cancer?

"my first thought was ok, how do we fix it. how do we cure it. what do we do to get better. my doctors told me that this is a cancer that people beat. they couldn't tell me what triggered it, they couldn't tell me when it started. they even told me that if i had come in a month earlier they may not have been able to diagnosis me, and possibly would have sent me home with an antibiotic because my blood work may not have shown anything at that earlier stage. the second thing i thought was 'CRAP, now i've got to go tell sarah.' and i didn't know how to do that."

Q: what are you most afraid of right now, or are you afraid at all?

"i am not afraid of anything right now. i have full trust in my doctors and the treatment i am going through. more importantly, i have full faith in my Heavenly Father and His healing power, and in the Atonement of our Savior."

Q: what is the biggest lesson getting cancer has taught you?

"it's taught me two things. first, you never know who cares about you, and how much they care until something like this happens. obviously you know your family is going to be concerned, but then there are unexpected people that show you their support, and it's really nice to know there are people outside of your immediate circle to take the time to show you they care."

"second, it's taught me to have a greater appreciation for the little things, like sleeping for 8 hours straight. i usually have to get up to go to the bathroom, or my muscles cramp, or i have to wake up to take medicine every 4 hours, or my stomach hurts, and so forth. these are just the little things. you don't know how amazing it is to do the things you do until it's taken away from you."

Q: what is the worst part of chemo? 

"you don't know what symptoms or what side affects you're going to have from week to week. i've had some that are the same, and come about the same amount of time after chemo treatments, but this week my new one is that my feet go numb, and i didn't have that until this week. i've had new symptoms come up, and it doesn't seem like the old symptoms go away, just new ones add on. i have not thrown up one time. i just get really tired and sleep for two days after my treatments. my arms hurt and ache all of the time, and there's not really a lot i can do to get rid of that. i can take pain medication, but i don't like to. i haven't lost my appetite. i still eat like crazy. i feel like i've been extremely fortunate."

Q: what surprises you most about your chemo treatments?

"i hear other people's stories about what they are going through in their treatments of chemo and radiation or cancer in general, and i realize how truly blessed i have been as far as my reaction to treatments and that i've been able to stay relatively well. i can't exercise like i used to or run around with my kids like i used to, which goes back to how i appreciate more what i used to be able to do, but i'm surprised at what i CAN do despite all of that. i'm not down or negative about having cancer. being positive is a very very important aspect of my recovery and beating it, and i will beat this."

all i know is that landon and his wife sarah are two of the bravest people i know.

i am amazed at the strength emotionally and physically they have had to draw upon to begin and continue in this journey of beating cancer.

i feel honored to have such courageous people in my life.

cancer sucks.

chemo cures.

family and great friends are what matter most.

and my husband is a really attractive bald man.

who knew?!

title of liberty {family home evening}

{family home evening skit}

there's a story in the book of mormon about a captain of an army.
his name was moroni.
the story goes that a wicked man, Amalickiah, wanted to be king over a group of people.
he persuaded many rich and power-hungry people to support him in his wickedness.
many people were deceived and corrupted by Amalickiah, and he was made king.
Captain Moroni refused to be persuaded by Amalickiah, and was angry with what the wicked king was doing.
in this famous book of mormon story Moroni {chief commander},
is said to have torn his coat {very savage and manly like i'm sure} to make a flag.
on the flag he wrote:
"In memory of our god, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives and children."
he fastened the flag to a pole and called it THE TITLE OF LIBERTY.
then Moroni prayed to god, asking him to allow the people the freedom they had.
when he finished praying, Moroni went among the people waving the title of liberty in the air crying out,
"Whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them." {Alma 46:20 and 46:19}
i'm so grateful for the freedoms we enjoy living in america,
and i can't wait to vote this november:)
and last,
but definitely not least...

i give you,

the

wicked

KING AMALICKIAH:

 so ferocious.