"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

the end of the day is overrated.

sometimes i think i'm too worried about having everything be just right.
i get so focused on our well oiled machine that i forget the necessary tune up's along the way.
why can't the kids see that arguing over whether it's spiderman batman's cave or mermaid max's cave is pointless.
why can't brennan stop teasing max just when i've calmed her down from walking backwards into a corner and getting hurt.
why can't brennan just go downstairs in the morning and play toys without asking to turn on the tv.
THANK GOODNESS brennan goes downstairs in the morning and turns on the tv:)
why does brennan have to ask for whipped cream in his mouth every morning.
{ok really, who doesn't want that?!}
why do they have to turn into monsters the minute i pick up the phone.
{thank heavens for texting--please don't be offended if that's the only way i communicate with you. i feel like i'm drowning in quick sand when i have to answer the phone most times during the day. especially if i know it's going to be a long winded thing. you know? YOU know.}
why do i expect myself to know what to do always,
and then be so critical of myself when i don't know what to do always?
this is just silly thinking.
i will not be a tired, rundown, annoyed at these things kind of mom.
there's always a little more room for patience.
take the time to help them learn the things they are struggling with to learn.
this is what i am renewing to achieve tomorrow.
be less bothered by the things they need help learning when i'm tired.
be less worried that i'm not doing it the right way.
i'm doing it.
i'm just doing it.
getting to the end of the day is overrated.
no need to focus on it anymore.
i always get there and think, "well, now what?" anyway.
{except i do enjoy when the two oldest gibbies are in bed and we have just chase all to ourselves.}
but maybe that's just because my favorite fall shows are not on and the olympics are over.
i've never liked to learn the lesson,
i just want someone else to tell me what they have learned,
tell me how to skip figuring it out on my own,
cut the corner, so to speak.
save time and energy in the process,
and miss the lesson entirely.
which is ironic b/c then it takes more time to learn the lesson later.
{and no, alanis morissette, it's not ironic when it rains on your wedding day. it's just bad luck. but it is ironic when you mean to save time and end up having to do it over taking double the time. that's ironic. don't you think?}
and no i did not even have a horrible day today,
i've just been stewing over this for awhile.
in my head when i'm doing my daily mothering businesses around the house and in the yard.
we had a normal stay in the house day.
laundry.
dishes.
teeth brushing.
dressing.
and so forth.
i read "where the wild things are" to all three of my kids twice in a row.
chase looked up at me with big wide eyes when i did my special voices for the "roar their terrible roars, and gnash their terrible teeth, and roll their terrible eyes..." part.
and something about their claws too.
and max kept asking if the story was about her.
and i pointed out that it spelled her name on the boat so it must be.
and brennan didn't even get offended!
lucky day indeed!
and he kept pointing out that the sea monster wild thing was in the ocean.
and did i see it?! {every time, both times}
but the most exciting part of the day today was when brennan spotted a giant grasshopper on one of the leaves in our pumpkin patch out back.
and called us all over to see it.
or maybe i spotted it, and called them all over to see it.
i can't remember.
whichever.
{we were trying to pick out which pumpkins were going to turn orange first. it's going to be a gold medal race between two of them. my money is on the one against the fence.}
and then i told them to stand still and not scare it away so i could go grab my camera.
b/c i have the need to capture every life moment on film.
always have.
always will.
thank goodness for the invention of digital cameras.
my monthly film developing fee was an out of control habit hobby in high school.
and then i started feeling bad {ly} and great all at once about how i've quit weeding.
b/c i'm at the point in the season where it's producing well enough to produce despite the weeds.
so what's the point in weeding?
it's a beautiful part of the season to reach:)
no work, all of the reaping:)
and in a non-intense life kind of way i started comparing weeding my garden to raising my children.
how it's so important to weed your garden in the beginning.
taking extra care to make sure the young seedlings make it through the spring until they get big enough to trust out there on their own in the summer.
and then by the fall i'm so sick of taking care of those overgrown plants that i let the weeds take them over.
and standing out there later tonight,
in my garden under my colossal sunflowers,
and in the perfect summer night air,
i thought about how i don't want to reach that point with my kids.
i don't want to get so tired that i quit weeding them.
even when they're overgrown.
b/c there's always room for a little more patience.
and there's always room for a lot of love and nurturing.
and i'm so glad that i have a great big garden to remind me of that at the end of the day.
it's been colder at night this week.
have you noticed?

5 comments:

Camillia said...

Love your posts and how they are usually about the same thing I'm thinking about motherhood at the moment. The garden analogy is perfect.

Sue said...

A wise and wonderful post, Em.

=)

Stephanie said...

Emily, you have a beautiful gift for writing. I have fallen in love with it. Not the kind of love where your eyes flutter and your heart skips a beat. The kind of love where you anticipate it's arrival and savor the words like a fine dessert. Your kids are so blessed in so many ways to have you as their mom. The end of the day in the life of teenagers is so UNDERRATED. it's the time of day when the Spirit leans in and says, "well done"' just as your head hits the pillow.

Amy said...

I love this post. Everything about it. The exhaustion, self doubt, letting it go to look at a grasshopper and then the realization and understanding all rolled into one beautiful post. What a great example on mothering you are.

Stephanie said...

"Emily, you have a beautiful gift for writing. I have fallen in love with it. Not the kind of love where your eyes flutter and your heart skips a beat. The kind of love where you anticipate it's arrival and savor the words like a fine dessert. Your kids are so blessed in so many ways to have you as their mom. The end of the day in the life of teenagers is so UNDERRATED. it's the time of day when the Spirit leans in and says, "well done"' just as your head hits the pillow.