"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

flawed


me, age 3?
when i had brennan i told my dad i never knew i could love something so much.
he smiled and said, "and now he's going to break your heart."
i didn't like the sound of that.
i read this post this morning.
it reminded me of all of the pregnant nostalgia i had while carrying brennan.
he was going to be the perfect little person.
my quest to become unperfect is for another day.
he would have NONE of my flaws b/c i was going to teach him how to avoid all of them;-)
yesterday he played with his girlfriend down the street.
she brought out her baby stroller with a big smile on her face.
brennan walked right up, grabbed the stroller, and took off.
i looked at my friend, "he's a dominant little one."
she said, "she's not."
we smiled.
"oh no," i thought. "is he going to be the bossy, controlling kid like i was?"
i think i said the last part out loud b/c my friend said,
"you had to have the friends that were the followers didn't you?"
"yes, i liked those kind the best."
i thought i'd hidden this so well!
from everyone.
from brennan.
guess not.
oh, how i wish i could have been the follower as a child!
but then i'm wishing i'm something i'm not, and that can't be good.
so here's my question.
do i keep trying to fix this part of me that i don't particularly enjoy, or do i just accept it b/c trying to fix it has obviously not made much progress?

7 comments:

Amy said...

Thanks for the link love! I think possibly you are being too hard on yourself. I think you could be doing a wonderful job at fixing that trait, and Brennan didn't actually see it, rather he inherited that trait from you. As you continue to work on that aspect of your life he will see you trying to do better and will follow your example. I think it is always good to work on things we don't like about ourselves. Only through that can we attain perfection ;)
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Lisa Anne said...

I say be who you are. If that is you and your personality and it's worked for you this long then just be who you are. Your friends obviously except and love your flaws so in reality it's not really a flaw at all. We all have our quirks about us and it's okay. Don't think about what other people think of you, it will just eat at you. Just be you!

Sue said...

Hey, Em, just keep at it. Our "weak things will be made strong," right? That's a promise made by Someone who can be trusted.

Every trait we exhibit has its positive and negative applications. (Example, we can be aggressive or assertive...same basic trait.) Our job is to come more toward the middle in wielding it. That's all. No harm, no foul. Just learning to be more Christlike. Just working on our own progression.

And in the meantime, be gentle with yourself!

=)

keri said...

Don't worry! I think you are perfect just the way you are! No changing necessary. Maybe I shouldn't have observed out loud ;)

Jess said...

I think it's a good thing- especially when you lead with a good example.

Emmy said...

There is only so much that we can change about ourselves, and then we just have to let go and love ourselves as we all do need a leader sometimes. :)

Soon to be Mrs. D said...

The world needs good leaders!