"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Thursday, October 11, 2012

MY kind:)

{brennan drew this portrait of me. "with lots of eyelashes." quote/unquote.}
{then he drew himself with no eyelashes, adding "just a few" after i pointed out he had some too.}
{then he drew sean, chase, and max with their respective levels of eyelashes.}
tonight when i was 
putting brennan to bed, 
he was telling me how he wants to grow up 
big, big, big like a man, 
so he can go on a man mission.
 and be a man.
i told him that i was so excited for that too,
but that i wished he could be a kid forever also.
then i told him when he grows up to be a man we'll help him find a man-house of his own.
he immediately looked like he had seen a ghost and burst into tears.
i asked him what was wrong,
and he said he didn't want to live in a house of his own.
he said he just wanted to live with me forever, 
and could he please sleep in my bed tonight?
i sang him a few of his favorite songs until he said he wasn't sad anymore,
and then we agreed he would live with me forever.
and be a kid forever.
my heart was overflowing.
not b/c i want that to actually happen, but b/c i DO don't want that to actually happen.
and for a minute, 
i wished i was a kid again. 
so i could believe that he could do that forever too:)
and i couldn't help but think of the 
book my parents read to me growing up.
after i had brennan i read it to him for the first time in a long time,
and told my parents i thought it was a creepy book,
and what kind of crazy mom would creep into her grown son's house,
pick him up,
and rock him back and forth, 
back and forth, 
back and forth,
"i'll love you forever,
i'll like you for always,
as long as i'm living,
my baby you'll be."
this kind.
MY kind:)
the kind that knows that as long as i'm living,
my baby he'll be.
and then i gave him a kiss and cherished another night of putting my little babies to bed.
1, 2, 3 of them.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Moments like that are payment for motherhood. I love those tender moments, when there is no possible way to love them any more. Because they are wonderful and perfect and how could life have ever felt complete before they came into you're life?! Smigh.