"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Thursday, March 12, 2009

gracie girl

if you have not read about gracie yet, now is the time.
you'll need the entire box of tissues though.
my heart was broken, mended back together, and broken several times.
and i'm not even all the way down the page.
i was just complaining to my friends at book club tonight how challenging/exhausting my day had been.
i believe i said, "he's wanting me to carry and hold him all day."
i take it back.
every
last
word.
i'm trying to decide if i want to go into his room right now
to
pick
him
up
and
hold
him.
just hold him.
we were at primary children's hospital during this family's trial.
they even talked about possibly being able to move gracie to the 3rd floor.
we were on the 3rd floor.
the day we left the hospital was the day gracie returned to heaven.
this touches my heart.
gracie was born a few weeks after brennan.
and passed away two days before his 1st birthday.
i'm so grateful for my healthy baby boy.
part of me feels guilty for his health.
gratefully guilty.
can anyone else understand this?
i love you brennan.

5 comments:

Tiffany said...

I have been following Gracie's blog since October. I was deeply touched by the love her parents have for her. I talked to Ryan about Gracie's progress and was glad when she received her heart, but was very disappointed when the heart didn't work. I just couldn't bear to think what would I do in the same situation. My heart just breaks for their family. I'm thinking I may go in and hold Samuel.

Fiauna said...

I am at a loss for words. Everything else seems empty and hollow.

Amy said...

Last night for Young Women's they had the opportunity to help with the Special Needs Mutual. The whole time there I was on the verge of tears. What amazing parents these people have. What amazing people they are themselves. Yet I am terrified that someday my son will stop developing, or something will happen to him and he will no longer be the perfect little boy he is. My husband's aunt has down syndrome, but it had never hit home until last night. How grateful I am that he is so healthy and strong. When I got home last night I went into his room (although he was asleep), scooped him up and just held him and kissed him. It is amazing how such a small thing can overflow your heart. Thank you for sharing about your friends with us.

Natalie said...

I understand those feelings of guilt. You can go back and read the post I wrote to my Eleven Year Old in January...overflowing with guilt.

Emily, you just have to remember that whatever you are living, that is your reality. It isn't fair to yourself to compare trials and pain. You have most likely survived things in your life that would make the rest of us feel guilty, if we let that feeling in. Sometimes, it's better to never let the guilt inside!

Gracie's story is heartbreaking. I can't even read all of it now. I just can't handle one more tragic story involving an innocent child. (I saw my little boyfriend again yesterday..I could barely keep from breaking down.)So, I just had to stop reading about Gracie for a while. I am going to pull myself together and I will go back to it. I owe it to her parents, even though I don't know them. Thank you for sharing. Love you Em!

Proudfeet said...

that just breaks my heart! But so touching! what an amazing family! How blessed we all are! She posted about Paul Cardall today, a good family friend of ours, so looking forward to the concert!