2 babies are harder than 1.

we were NOT supposed to cross this bridge.

but i'm glad we did!

i'm not sure if the silver fox agrees,

i'm thankful, nonetheless.

the pork loin and i are in CHICO.

one of my happiest places on earth.

it would only be happier if s.d.gib were here,

but alas, finals call.

so back to crossing this bridge.

it's the bay bridge.

we accidentally missed our turn off to chico,

ending up on treasure island.

the toll lady wouldn't let dad flip a U.

he was not happy.

we'll just leave it at that.

how did the rest of the road trip go????

a lot like this:

dear dad, 

can mommy buy one of those dvd things for the car? 

love, your tender loin.

i know, i couldn't get my picture to rotate.

i am blogging from a fancy dancy iBook this week.

i know, you're already thinking i'm "cooler."

however, i have come to realize that i am

COMPLETELY

and

UTTERLY

MAC illiterate.

the pork loin has been living off of ritz bitz.

see picture below.

we've been busy, 

that's my only excuse.

it's a good one too.

it has been a great kind of busy.

a knock your socks off,

loving being around your best friend kind of busy.

sorry sean, we couldn't completely steer clear of the mall...

but i never went to buckle, 

that should count for something;-)
don't you worry, 

i've managed to get in some fruit snacks too.

that counts as one serving of fruit right???

okay, don't call CPS, we have had bananas.

and veggies, and tofu, and big fat noodles.

you chico-nians know that all of those things come from...

HULAS!!!!

well, not the bananas part.

those came from stacy and ryan's kitchen.

we washed it down with a big heaping bowl of jon n bons frozen yogurt.

...

thoughts i've had...

teenagers kissing on the front porch are disgusting.

i hope they aren't out there on our walk tomorrow.

is pot legal in california? 

there are many things that make me question it's not,

which leads me to believe it is...

two babies is harder than one.

TJ MAX is my new favorite store.

will i only think dieting is lame when i'm skinny?

or will i always think moderation is key?

i hope for the latter.

newborns are intoxicating.

1 yr olds are hysterical.

and DANG cute.

i am an idiot on MAC's.

but i feel so hip using one;-)

husbands are irreplaceable.

nap time is essential.

time stops on vacation.

i still don't like the wind.

65 degrees in utah is NOT 65 degrees in california.

why must i learn this lesson over and over again?

it's the optimist in me:-)

...

upcoming events:

HULAS

JON N BONS

...

1st's in CHICO:

love

college

apartment

testimony

sorority (go alpha gams!)

but not in that order...

"da club"

step 1:

read sunday comics with grandpa/silver fox

step 2:

easter mass

(yes, we're mormon, but we occasionally go to catholic mass)

step 3:

arrive at "da club"

photo op with bunny & auntie K

grandpa dick was prez of "da club" back in 1985

see?

that's him on the wall of fame below: 

top, middle

so rad

step 4:

bunny with the dolla dolla bill boe tie

grandpa's famous for his money folding

grandma always made sure we had our see's bunnies

grandpa dick, "now brennan, i expect you to eat 3 plates worth"

the pork loin replies, "do they have shrimp?"

uncle ACtual holding the child that has missed a nap...

step 5:

gorge ourselves on food.

i had 2 plates of food: waffles, topped with berries and whipped cream, sausages, eggs benedict, salads, fruits, bacon.

things i saw on other plates: omelets, lamb, locks & bagels

my 3rd plated included: desserts only (oreo cake, choc covered cream puffs, choc covered strawberries...i like choc)

drinks?: shirley temples for the pork loin & me, coke for s.d.gib

remus fizz for the a-dults, latte for silver fox (which he gave up during lent)

are you confused?

yes, we're mormon, and active;-)

but a good chunk of our family is catholic. 

we mix well.

did i ever tell you about christmas where we bought non-alcoholic wine and played a joke on the fam??? it was fabulous...and utterly disgusting! take it from us, the alcohol part must really make wine taste better b/c without the alcohol is just no bueno.

"my child needs a nap..."

step 6:

easter egg hunt

target, thank you for selling these shoes:

age 7: i ran my tights on this same straw...it was sad.

i got in big trouble.

notice i no longer wear tights...

step 7:

petting zoo

is the pork loin the main attraction???

the bunnies were always my favorite.

pork loin with auntie K below:

step 8:

family photo

christmas card???

"the gang"

(left to right)

s.d.gib, yours truly, silver fox holding pork loin, grandpa dick holding jelly bean bunny, aunt sue behind grandpa's shoulder, grandma "joi," auntie K behind granmda "joi," jessie, gram/sandie, ACtual

proud g-rents

step 9:

45 minute goodbye

(no, i'm not kidding, but we like it that way)

step 10:

completely & utterly pass out

before even leaving the parking lot.

the end.

upcoming events?

going across the bay bridge...the wrong way.

where did we end up?

check in tomorrow to see...

THE CITY, not with whitney port

THE CITY

no, not with whitney port.

i do love the show.

i love THE HILLS more,

but olivia is a train wreck and well worth watching.

so THE CITY,

not with whitney port,

with

KELSEY ALICE,

and

"the gang."

the gang:

s.d.gib, gram, silver fox, kelsey alice, jessie, pork loin, & yours truly

it was a blast.

kels & jess live in the avenues.

they planned a day.

a wonderful day.

with freshly made sourdough bread, and sandwiches a-top.

so we played in the sand.

and BOY was there a lot of sand.

it is a park, and this is to be expected.

what is it about swinging that is so utterly and absolutely enjoyable?

so free, so peaceful.

like being a kid again.

silver fox was in the ROTC in college.

such a stud, showing off his mad skills.

oh city, we thank you for a SMASHING day.

best regards,

"the gang"

upcoming events:

"da club"

"i left my heart in..."

"i left

my heart

in half moon bay...."

is that not how the song goes?????

that was my rocking chair.

so precious.

stay tuned for more of our magical easter trip!

...

highlights to come:

the city (no, not with whitney port)

the country club

easter egg hunts

catholic mass

devilled eggs

a big red bridge

some sand

and a partridge and a pear tree.

we are missing letters C, P, V, & #9

we are missing letters C, P, V, and the number 9.
there are several options i am looking into.
#1 under the fridge
#2 pork loin's digestive system
(letter P has not been ruled out completely for this)
#3 trash
we will keep you updated on our findings...

5 whole minutes of bliss

what are you willing to let your child do for you to have 2 min. to yourself?

this is what i agreed to this morning.

it was a glorious 5 whole minutes.

like the red nail polish i spilled in the basket? i thought the lid was on...it wasn't.

i just got puked on

child is naked.
my hair is wet.

why?

i just got puked on.

we both got puked on.

one of the said person's was the pukee.

it was not me.

i had not eaten breakfast yet.

the pukee....well, let's just say he ate well this morning.

so my robe is in the wash with the pork loin's jammies.

my hair has been rung out.

motrin was given.

we're not sick.

the pukee is actually quite cheerful.

what happened?

easter eggs.

???

the pukee climbed up onto the treadmill and threw his easter eggs between said exercise equipment and the wall.

pukee does not have depth perception.

slammed his head into the wall.

i think the neighbors felt their walls rumble.

that's how hard he hit.

then came the silence.

from hurting yourself so hard it knocks the wind out of you?

then came the wail.

more gasping.

more wailing.

and then.....

the puking.

one big fell puke.

this is good news though.

i needed to wash some extra things from yesterday and didn't have a reason to do a load.

i think i had Postpartum Depression.

i think i had Postpartum Depression.

pork loin, 2 weeks old, skinny loin, before AZ

mainly b/c of all of this:

brennan, 8 weeks of age, before AZ

i was amazed that i had this adorable little bundle, but i remember wishing i could have had someone else's baby.
this sounds insane to me now!
there was a baby born in our neighborhood 2 weeks before the pork loin.
when brennan was 5 weeks old i finally took him to church for the first time.
not b/c i necessarily wanted to.
i guess i did want to.
i wanted to show off my cutie pie.
i wanted to be around people.
i wanted to get out of my house.
i think i was secretly hoping someone would save me.
this couldn't possibly be normal.
doesn't someone have some sort of drug or mommy trick?
i knew someone would tell me something simple to do.
i must have missed something.
there must have been something the nurses at the hospital had forgotten to tell me.
brennan would cry for 4-5 hours a day.
it was awful!
i coped.
i survived by making a perch out of our recliner chair.
everything i needed was within an arms reach.
remotes, water, snacks, burp clothes, blankets, heater, books, binkies.
i would rock brennan for hours to get him to sleep while he screamed bloody murder.
the picture above is very reminiscent of the first 10 weeks of brennan's life.
AND basically reminiscent of how i felt inside.
so when i took him to church at 5 weeks i could barely hold the sobs in.
i just wanted to cry. hard.
but i didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong.
yet deep down i knew something was.
i thought i was just doing something wrong.
that i really didn't have that mothering instinct thing they talked about.
someone else could definitely be doing this better.
but i didn't want to go home.
so for 3 hours of church brennan screamed and i smiled.
trying to not burst into tears.
we have this one hour of church where all of the women meet together and discuss a specific church topic each week. it's this wonderful society of women, and i was terrified of what they would think.
so this baby born 2 weeks before brennan?
he slept. in his car seat. his mom rocked him.
who happens to be my good friend
the entire time, not a peep. i remember wishing i could trade! trade their personalities. trade secrets. how did she get him to do that???????

i think i told her about this? i hope soooo....otherwise reading it on the blog for the first time...awkward!
why me? why did i have to get this screaming one?
this is WAY harder than teaching.
i was exhausted.
run down.
at 3 weeks old i told sean i just wanted to put him back inside for one night.
i was too overwhelmed.
and ready to lose it.
on top of not being able to get my baby to stop crying, nursing was not going well.
i didn't have enough milk. nursing was excruciating.
i had always heard newborns slept all of the time.
you could go to movies, lunches, and basically relax.
HA!
my child always cried. always.
he screamed, and i couldn't get him to stop.
so many people had advice.
which made me feel even worse b/c i felt like i had no idea what i was doing.
i was embarrassed.
and i felt isolated.

why did no one tell me that babies don't always fall asleep when they're tired?????
these were my pre-blogging days, although i doubt i would have opened up about it then
thank goodness for grandmothers.
all of the dreams i had of motherhood were not being fulfilled.
when brennan was 8 weeks old we took two trips: iowa & arizona.
arizona saved us!!!
my sister in law saw what was going on and told me in a loving way, "this has to stop."
she helped us sleep train brennan, took me to a breastfeeding store, and helped me begin leading brennan as a parent, rather than just following him.
i began looking at motherhood as something i could do.
i practiced proactive parenting, rather than reactive parenting.
"parent-led" was a phrase we got to know well.
finally brennan was napping in his crib.
this sounds like it was all of a sudden and easy, but it was not.
however, it was SOOO worth it.
by 6 months of age i began to feel well again.
nursing was no longer hurting.
i felt confident.
i knew what my child needed.
i finally got to enjoy him.
which is exactly what i've been doing ever since.
so if you think i'm ultra positive and optimistic, maybe even unrealistic about life and motherhood, you're right.
i am.
b/c i'm soaking up every second.
and when the tough and not so enjoyable seconds happen i have the memory of how challenging things were in the beginning to appreciate how great things are now.
i've realized life is for the taking.
so i am reaching out and grabbing for it.
.
.
.
.
.
and i learned far too much about nursing and milk supply. apparently my nickname is "emily, she's your breastfriend."
thanks?
so if you need help in that department, i'm your breastfriend;-)

the story of a runner who hated running

i just ran 4 miles.
with the pork loin in the jogger.
i know, most of you "don't run."
remember when i wrote about it here?
i used to not run.
i used to HATE running.
i know, you've heard this before, but today i was running.
and thinking of all of you "non-runners."
trying to find the words to motivate you to run.
b/c it brings me such empowerment.
there's just nothing more powerful than an empowered woman.
agreed?
yes.
so i thought about why i didn't like running.
in the 7th grade they made us run the mile on fridays.
oh how i LOATHED it.
my best friend, tara, she was this stick thin runner.
she did the mile in 6 or 7 minutes.
it was amazing.
i huffed and puffed in at around 15 min.
it was embarrassing.
i wished i was faster.
so came high school.
early bird P.E.
my friend skye convinced me i should take it with her so we could be in choir.
so glad i did, but i am not a morning person.
so on tuesdays and thursdays we had to run this cross country course.
i have no idea how long it was,
but it felt like 10 miles.
i still LOATHED running at this point.
then it was off to college.
i wanted to be thin, so i took up running.
but i wanted to eat lots too. hello dorm food!
i think i ate tater tots with ranch and ketchup (ew, i know) at every meal.
oh, and the monstrous salads with lots of cheese and ranch.
so i went through this phase where i ran so i could eat lots.
but then i just got frustrated,
so i stopped eating and ran lots.
got reeeeeeeeeeeally skinny.
so unhappy though...skinny is supposed to make me happy right?
haha, that's funny!
so i kept running, but started eating again, but still was unhappy inside.
then i got close to God and got reeeeeeeeeeeeeally happy:-)
then i met sean.
then i got reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally in the running.
ran a half marathon in rexburg, idaho. one of my top 10 favorite memories.
then i had a baby.
started swimming.
missed running.
oh bless you devoted goddesses who are still reading;-)
started running again.
and here i was today.
rascal flatts in my ears.
pork loin in the jogger in front of me.
sun shining.
long stretches of pavement ahead.
running down this monstrous mountain i had just run up
(okay, it was just a small hill, but with a 26 pound baby in a jogger it felt more like a mountain)
i felt on top of the world.
and i remember how i hated running.
how i love it now.
so i smiled:-)
how did i get here?
i trained myself to persevere.
and i thought,
"isn't that what life's all about?"
training ourselves to persevere through our challenges.
i'll bet you would feel great if you got out there and did something you didn't know you could do.
like running.
go ahead!
i dare you.
what's the worst that could happen?
at least you could blog about it;-)

11:02pm-3:08am

7:43pm-mom puts baby to bed
7:45pm-baby falls asleep
11:02pm-mom hears baby giggling & laughing in crib
11:03pm-mom watched FAVORITE reality show
12:01am-mom goes in to turn heater on in baby's room, finds baby awake and cheerful in crib
12:30am-after reading book for 30 min. mom still hears baby awake and playing, but attempts to fall asleep anyway
1:08am-mom gets baby from crib to cuddle with in recliner
1:25am-mom puts baby back in crib
2am-mom gets baby out of crib, feeds baby milk & ritz bitz (mom eats too, now SHE'S hungry)
2:25am-mom puts baby back in crib, baby still very cheerful and giggling
2:58am-mom wakes dad up (who has been peacefully sleeping for the last 4 1/2 hrs) to get baby, "tag, you're it!"
3am-mom & dad use sucker to clean out baby's nose
3:05am-dad puts baby back in bed
3:08am-mom, dad, & baby fall fast asleep
8:40am-mom & baby wake up, surprisingly cheerful

and now i'm thinking...maybe the stuffing in easter baskets is NOT such a good idea.
the eggs still rock.
thanks for the goodies gigi, brennan had a blast all morning:-)
he even knows how to open the eggs and put them back together.
so coordinated;-)